[steven w]

Hello all,
This is my first trip into your forums. I am bipolar and have seen signs since my early twenties but was diagnosed in my early thirties. What a strange trip its been. Am I the only one that wishes for constant mania? When I'm manic I "seem" to perform my best and the complete opposite when depressed. My medication has me cycling less, but cycles are longer and yet less pronounced. Problem is that now that I am in my depressive phase, I am tired, bored, lethargic and sleeping way too much. I am going to see my pscych again in three weeks, but am unsure it will do much good.

The medicine (Abilify and escetalopram) works, just not enough. Is it even possible to control this enough to live a normal life? I can't afford to change meds again, it just too dangerous for me.

Thanks for any replies.

[Moogieotter]

Hey steven,

Sorry you are struggling. Many of us here at PC have been able to return to a pretty normal life - careers, strong family relationships, good finances, etc. For my story and from what I have heard from others here is a common theme. The theme is the idea that it takes a comprehensive approach which usually includes a treatment with medication, but this is only one component.

There are many other areas that will require attention, mainly diet, exercise, routine, mindfulness, some sort of therapy (CBT or DBT), and even accupunture, hypnosis, and "hippy ****". Personally, I recommend a book "Taking Charge of Bipolar Disorder" that helped me and my wife get the facts and options.

Welcome to PC Bipolar Land. I hope you find relief soon.

moogs

[Victoria'smom]

I'm never going to live a normal life even on medication. Like you on medication I have long, less pronounced symptoms. I have friends and family but I will never be able to hold a job.

I have always managed a pretty normal life on and/or off meds. I have always worked full-time; I have a husband and kids, outside interests and activities, etc. I highly suggest therapy with a therapist with some skill in working with clients with bipolar disorder. Personally, a great part of managing my bipolar disorder has not been med related at all but rather related to learning how to best manage my symptoms, advocate for myself, be highly cognizant of my own triggers that can send me into an episode, etc.

[steven w]

Thanks for the replies, that was quick.

Life for me on meds is just safer. I desperately miss mania as I am a very high achiever under those circumstances, but hate the depression, hence meds. I have attempted suicide once and been hospitalized twice when not on my meds. I have also drained our back account and binged on drugs. The meds work, I just feel tired and unintelligent most of the time.

I am talking to my Dr. about Adderall as I have taken it before and it seemed to keep me out of the haze of depression. My doc thinks it will lead to more manic periods and he is probably right, but I need my edge back. It seems to be a winter thing as in the summer, I don't feel so lethargic. I already have a full spectrum lamp and that doesn't work. Anyone have experience with bipolar and Adderall?

[Moogieotter]

Hi,

I have no specific experience with Adderall and bipolar. It is a controlled substance, and since I am a recovering addict, not an option for me. Several others here have experience with stimulants like Addrerall and bipolar who will share.

Welcome again,

moogs

[Mountainbard]

Meds have gotten me stable. I was undiagnosed BP for so long I'm not sure what normal is, or if anyone is really normal. I know that being stable is a very good thing. I'm sorry you don't have the option of changing meds. Less pronounced cycles are better than nothing, but any way you slice it depression sucks. I wish I had a better answer for you. All I can say is you should see your pdoc again, and if you don't have a therapist I'd seriously consider getting one. Good luck.

[steven w]

Originally Posted by Mountainbard

Meds have gotten me stable. I was undiagnosed BP for so long I'm not sure what normal is, or if anyone is really normal. I know that being stable is a very good thing. I'm sorry you don't have the option of changing meds. Less pronounced cycles are better than nothing, but any way you slice it depression sucks. I wish I had a better answer for you. All I can say is you should see your pdoc again, and if you don't have a therapist I'd seriously consider getting one. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply. I saw a therapist for about 12 years and it was great. Now my insurance doesn't cover regular therapy appts. I am going to take your advice though and make contact with her. Maybe we can work something out that I can afford.

[steven w]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hi,

I have no specific experience with Adderall and bipolar. It is a controlled substance, and since I am a recovering addict, not an option for me. Several others here have experience with stimulants like Addrerall and bipolar who will share.

Welcome again,

moogs

Thanks for your reply and your welcoming. I am a recovering alcoholic, three years sober. Although I do find temptation of drugs from time to time, I think I am in a place when I can handle controlled substances from my pdoc. Only time will tell.

[Cocosurviving]

Hello there. Contact NAMI and DBSA see if they have a locations in your area. Just Google their names. They have resources available that may help seeing a therapist.

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

I miss and long for mania from time to time. I used to have such productive days when I was manic only I didn't realize what was going on then.

Like Moggie said its a comprehensive approach to recovery. I've had to change my diet and get exercise every day to feel "normal" again. But I also think living with Bipolar means there's a new normal and recovery means figuring out how that looks for your life.

Mountainbard wrote this wonderful thread that really helped me change my perspective of recovery. Check it out here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...-recovery.html

Originally Posted by steven w

Hello all,
This is my first trip into your forums. I am bipolar and have seen signs since my early twenties but was diagnosed in my early thirties. What a strange trip its been. Am I the only one that wishes for constant mania? When I'm manic I "seem" to perform my best and the complete opposite when depressed. My medication has me cycling less, but cycles are longer and yet less pronounced. Problem is that now that I am in my depressive phase, I am tired, bored, lethargic and sleeping way too much. I am going to see my pscych again in three weeks, but am unsure it will do much good.

The medicine (Abilify and escetalopram) works, just not enough. Is it even possible to control this enough to live a normal life? I can't afford to change meds again, it just too dangerous for me.

Thanks for any replies.

I'm sorry hon, but I don't know what normal is. I do know better or worse, and proper med maintenance with learning life skills will make it better.

[gayleggg]

I use Ritalin to boost my lows and it worked well for a while but now I'm back to feeling depressed and lethargic. It keeps me from sleeping all the time but doesn't give me the lift that I would like.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LorrieTorrie]

If it wasn't for mania I honestly don't believe I would've graduated from college. I too am struggling with whether or not meds will help me be "normal." I was on Citalopram and Loxitane for awhile, and it honestly helped. I was moving a bit slower, but I was still pretty motivated. I even got a good job, and was on my way to a promotion. However, I thought I was "cured" and stopped and now I am homeless for the third time. I know medication is probably going to be the only thing that gives me a chance at a normal life. That and a good therapist.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Some people are more "up" and happy when they're manic. Or you can be like me and have dysphoric mania, where you feel intense anger and rage. And for me meds HELP but I can still get rages like I have been in the past few days. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. And I'm completely out of commission when I feel like that. Forget trying to hold down a job right now.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[Unrigged64072835]

I don't have anything else to add that others haven't said already, but I did want to welcome you to PC. I hope you find something, whether it's meds or therapy, that will help you.

I haven't had a job for a while because I'm still working on stability (I have other MI and physical issues), but I don't see why bipolar people could not work once they do achieve stability. It all depends upon the individual.

[steven w]

Thanks for the replies. Like several of you here, I find work difficult. I quit my teaching job two years ago after twelve years. I was manic, but either way, I would have left at some point. Now I run my own tech support business. Sometimes I find it difficult to get going to clients (as I go to their homes and businesses). I am glad I can still get to work as I would probably go crazier than I already do. It could be worse...

[steven w]

Today I find myself most likely on the swing back up to hypomania. I haven't been sleeping much, talkative and am more motivated to flesh out my ideas. This makes me feel so much better. I just hope it continues...

Originally Posted by steven w

Thanks for the replies. Like several of you here, I find work difficult. I quit my teaching job two years ago after twelve years. I was manic, but either way, I would have left at some point. Now I run my own tech support business. Sometimes I find it difficult to get going to clients (as I go to their homes and businesses). I am glad I can still get to work as I would probably go crazier than I already do. It could be worse...

Lol me too! I'm self employed home fixer, so I go when I can.