[Dakuliu]

I have had the whole spectrum of bipolar disorder. Recently then only part im living with is depression, it is hard to do anything anymore. I never want to leave my house

Possible trigger:

because the only thing I think about is violently hurting people,

I also have ptsd and ocd along with many other things. Suicide has been lingering in my mind for too long and the only reason I am still here is I dont want to hurt the people that love me.

Possible trigger:

A few days ago a friend of mine had comitted suicide and I was helping his older brother cope.

I dont want to put my family through that so I remain suffering. Please. Help.

[Moogieotter]

Do you want treatment ideas? We're here to help.

moogs

[jules77]

let us know what kinda suggestions you want! coping skills, advice on talking to people, ways to get outside help, med experiences, anything! general love and support will always be here for you. so many of us have been there too or are there now.

[Dakuliu]

I really hate talking about myself, drawing attention to myself. I feel as if I want to fade away and be a learning tool for everyone. I hate talking to new people so therapy has always scared me. My friend went to one session and was put into a hospital. Her room mate was a criminal and would always hurt her but the care takers wouldnt do anything. I am too scared to do anything about it. I hardly talk to my family anymore and I live with them. I want help but I want to do it alone

[Nammu]

You can star by reading up on bipolar. There's several good books out there, if you want suggestions I'm sure we can come up with a list.

[Dakuliu]

I would appriciate it grately

[Nammu]

The unquiet mind

That's the only one I can think of off the top of my head......chime in folks.

[Wander]

Madness - A Bipolar Life is an awesome memoir. Being trapped in prolonged depression really drains your strength. Right now you need all the support you can get so keep posting and talk to a psychiatrist and/or therapist. Hang in there, it will pass.

[Fuzzybear]

[Mountainbard]

I really empathize with you. Bipolar Depression is brutal. Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is an excellent resource. Also, although I know it's not easy, try to eat the best diet you can and get an appropriate amount of rest. Exercise is also important but I know how hard it is to do when you're depressed. Also although you don't say so, I'm guessing you're on meds, and if so it sounds like it's definitely time for a meds adjustment. I wish you all the best. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[Dakuliu]

I am on no medication, nor do I have a therapist or psychiatrist

[lunaticfringe]

The Bipolar Handbook by Wes Burgess is a great one

[Victoria'smom]

Do you want meds or therapy?

[Dakuliu]

I am trying to get the courage to make an appointment, I am worried ill be put into a hospital.

[Victoria'smom]

Start slowly, just tell the truth and try not to stress. Have someone else call for you. Go with a friend or close family member.

[Dakuliu]

Are people allowed to come inside with me?

[Victoria'smom]

Yes, it's even encouraged. I always take my husband in with me. He doesn't often come to my therapy sessions unless I'm not understanding or in episode.

[Dakuliu]

Interesting I was unaware that people could come in with you.

[roads]

I'm glad you've come to this site, Dakuliu. It's difficult for most of us to get better without help, especially when we're deep in either wing of bipolar. Hospitalization isn't too likely unless you're considered a danger to yourself or someone else. If your medical history includes red flags (addiction, eg), you might be offered optional detox or a few day's stay while the best meds for you are determined.

As for reading ... Look at the top of the Bipolar Forum where the list of threads appears. The third "sticky" there is a reading list.

I hope you'll be around here for awhile. You'll become familiar with the range of bipolar disorder and treatment options if you read through our posts. You can ask just about anything and over time you might make some wonderful, supportive, and cherished friends. I sure have, and they keep me on track & going in the right direction.

[Dakuliu]

I am glad I joined this community everyone is nice and I appriciate everything and everyone.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Dakuliu

I am trying to get the courage to make an appointment, I am worried ill be put into a hospital.

Most hospitals are just really boring, and you do have to follow their schedule.

People can go with you to intake and help you talk about what the problem is and they can visit. It's far better to go in voluntary , that gives you far more control over when you can leave.

So if and that's a big if (most places aren't too keen on hospitalization since insurance is reluctant to pay) you'll get a Pdoc to see after you leave and hopefully referrals to T's. Usually the first hospitalization is very educational and they'll give you lots of info---but that varies from place to place.

Do ask for educational papers and books during your first appointment.

As for here at PC most of us have been though similar stuff so we can relate.