[Kymaro]

looking for suggestions (Sorry I am a terrible speller)

I'm living with BP, been around since I was in my early 20's. Maybe even earlier, but treatment began in my 20's. That's about 23 years of experience, knowledge and denial. I'm stable these days (been just over a year since I have been sever enough to enjoy the white walls of a hospital)

I have even spent over 15 years working as a nurse, FMLA was a life saver. But I did it through all the ups, downs and triggers. I am no longer working, and i have time on my hands (and a new grand-baby on the way0

Anyway, sorry for dragging this out). My Grandmother has moved into my mothers house. She has asked that I help care for her. Pretty much a home health care nurse (except I don't get paid). I go every Friday and set up the next week medications, I take her to all her appointments and I act as her advocate. Now the tricky part, my mother and I do not get along well. "Well" doesn't give it justice. According to her BP is made up and one only acts like that because they are childish, selfish, refuse to control the're emotions and oh let me say it again selfish little attention hogs.....that need their ***** spanked.

It started out that on Fridays when I came over was time for her and my father to leave the house and have some "husband-wife" time...go to the moving - shopping, what ever. Give them a break away for caring for Grandma 24/7. That was great, but now she wants to be home and over my shoulder ever action, step or phone call I make (calling doctors or calling in prescriptions so one) She has become "toxic" to me. Now every time I leave there I'm either pissed off or crying so hard I shouldn't be driving. I started actually driving around to the next block and parking my car and crying till I can hardly breath.

I'm in complete refusal that I am going to let her behavior stop me from caring for my Grandma. I have no room at my house to bring her here, nor can I be with her 24/7. She borderline belonging in a nursing home, but financially it's not a choice, especially since family members are able to care for her. Please don't get my wrong, my mother is doing a wonderful job caring for my Grandmother. And my Grandma is happy to be living with her son. I just feel like the rotten egg soon as I walk through the door.

I just don't know how to keep this Toxic women from becoming a trigger and sending me over the edge???? Any suggestions??

I'm on here very often but please if you can help - I will get the message.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Kymaro: I read your post. Unfortunately I don't know as I have any useful suggestions for you. This seems to be to be a no-win situation. You're helping to care for your grandma in your mother's home & your mother's actions are toxic for you. Your grandma is, from the sound of it, happy & well cared for. So that's not an issue. And you're not willing to stop going over & helping out. It seems there is simply no solution.

My initial thought would be for you to establish some clear & firm boundaries with your mother. However, in order to make this effective, you would need to be willing to walk away if & when she transgresses them. And, from what you wrote, it sounds like you are unwilling to do this. The only other thing that occurs to me is to try to arrange things so that both you & your mother are not at the house at the same time if that would be possible. And perhaps try to do what you can, such as making phone calls to schedule appointments, away from your mother's home.

I wish you the best as you continue to try to navigate this difficult situation.

[Cocosurviving]

I also think it's a good idea to stand firm and let your mom know when your there she is to speak to you only abt things that directly relate to your grandmother. That if she has a problem with anything your doing she can "hire" outside help. Like Skeezyks said you have to be willing to walk away if your mom does not change if not you'll be back in the hospital. I'm pretty sure you show her respect and she should do the same. We all deal with people that don't believe in BP don't let it bother you. I had someone tell me that too. I told them I didn't believe in heart disease (they had it). Try to stay strong

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