So angry, anxious, and depressed!

I've just had it with everything! I'm so tired of battling anxiety and depression and now knowing I have Bipolar, it's almost too much! The meds have wrecked havoc on my body that was already wrecked! I'm off everything but Lamictal and I'm still gaining weight. It's like the Lithium just wrecked everything! I was already overweight and it's just creeping upwards. Then I just got a letter from my husband's life insurance through his company. They won't cover any extra over basic since I'm now over their weight limit (wasn't before all of the meds), and because I was honest about my history of depression and anxiety. I should have f'ing lied. This has brought me to a whole new low!

Plus, Christmas F'ing sucked! My FIL was a totall A-hole! My dogs were out of control, so I left early to come back home (three hours from their house) and left my husband and son there to enjoy themselves.

I just don't know what to do anymore! I have a new therapist, a p-doc and nothing is working and I'm now a depressed/anxious/Bipolar FAT COW! Life is just great! (note sarcasm!).

My p-doc wants me to try Neurontin (generic Gabapentin). Yeah, right! I'll probably just put on even more weight! No thank you!

Thanks for letting me rant!

Hello Hashi/bipolar mom: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Yes, one of the things I always think about, with regard to going on med's, is the potential weight gain. I'm not on any med's at the present time & weight gain is one reason I plan not to go back on... that plus the cost. I'm retired. I have health insurance. But the out-of-pocket cost is still significant & the med's never did me that much good.

I do not have a therapist. I've tried a few but they never amounted to anything. I still technically still have a pdoc. But at my last appointment a couple of weeks ago, I told him I wouldn't be coming back on a regular basis. I'll just go in once a year in order to keep my foot in the door, so to speak. Coincidentally, he also suggested Neurontin to me at a recent appointment. I mentioned to him that I have been experiencing some tremor-like feelings throughout my body & he said Neurontin would take that away. But, as I recall, Neurontin has been prescribed in the past for seizures. And I think it can do a number on one's teeth & gums. (Perhaps I'm mistaken.) But just the possibility that this could be a problem was enough to prevent me from even considering it.

Anyway, I don't have any particular suggestions to offer you. I just thought I would let you know I read your post & I have some sense of some of the concerns you raised. I wish you well...

Thanks so much for replying! I just feel like I've hit a wall. I don't know what to do. It's like everywhere I turn there is a negative consequence. Nothing is getting better in any aspect. The insurance was the last straw.

I understand where you're coming from. I feel like no matter what I do I end up in the same situation. I gained 20 pounds in the last three months and I think it's from meds, that and emotional eating. I just can't seem to control myself around food right now. But anyway I'm sorry your insurance denied you. it sucks when that happens.

I'm not sure what else to say except I hope you feel better and I know what you're going through.

Thanks so much for your kind words. I've put on 20lbs since June since med changes. I'm scared of putting on more since I'm now off everything but Lamictal and nothing is budging and in fact put on a few more pounds!

Neurontin has been weight neutral for me. I am currently on just a little (400 mg) but was on a whole lot more once upon a time and if anything I lost weight on it. Everyone reacts differently to meds and I haven't heard a lot about gabapentin being a weight gain problem (and I think I would have since it was used a lot for nerve pain when I was working and my patients would have complained about it). It might be worth a shot. You might be like me and be sensitive enough to it that a low dose works; if not the higher dose may not cause weight issues.

I know it's scary trying new meds. My first question is always "is this going to make me gain weight" even though I know that doesn't matter much when I've run through all the options and pretty much have to take whatever there is out of desperation.

The weight thing is hard. I'm really hoping that coming off Seroquel will let me lose some weight but have no idea what will happen really. I certainly am hoping though. I gained a lot of it when I went to the really high doses so I'm hoping that weight at least will go away and not come back if I'm not on a super high dose of clozaril. I've always been secretly glad that zyprexa didn't do anything for me because of weight gain fears.

There is also a thing where a lot of meds that cause weight gain do so more when you are at a normal or lower weight and when you've already gained weight you are less likely to gain more. I remember my pdoc telling me that about zyprexa and I think one other med. I don't know if it's true for gabapentin b/c I went on that IP and didn't ask many questions.

Weight neutral would be a dream! I want to feel mentally/emotionally stable and not have anymore weight gain. It causes even more depression! I have a therapist appointment Monday and see if I'm at a place that I have to try it.

You also could ask about trying a low dose and going up as needed instead of just going to the dose they usually do.

I started it as a treatment for severe akathesia in the hospital and was on a ton of it even after the hospital dr lowered the dose to stop me from slurring my speech. I was really sensitive to it, to the point I sent my pdoc 2 emails. One read "saljd;faoisdya" and the other was written to someone else but was about my pdoc. Thankfully it wasn't anything bad. But still HIGHLY embarrassing. (It's unusual to be that sensitive). So we lowered my dose and I think took me off totally and then I realized it had been helping so we tried it the other way: I started on a sall amount and worked up until the side effects were too much (but no weight gain, just over-sedation and kind of operating under the influence of too much relaxation" and then we went to the dose that didn't cause that, which for me was 400 mg. It's not much but it does help with anxiety and has some effect on mood stability since if I don't take it I get more unstable. I don't pretend to understand but that's what works for me.

Hashi! I so understand the weight gain issue. I feel like the only person in the entire world who gained on gabapentin. I'm ten pounds over my usual weight, but seem to be maintaining at least. It's mostly water weight. I swell up like a balloon when I take it, to the point where I can't taking my wedding ring off. I think I'm going to go back on it though. Since stopping it and starting buspirone instead for my anxiety I've had two panic attacks. Even my pdoc was surprised I've had side effects from gabapentin because she said most people don't.

Surprisingly seroquel has actually been weight neutral for me, as long as I don't pig out on sweets like I did last time I was on it.

I don't know. I understand your frustration! I hope you can find a med that doesn't cause weight gain.

Seriously, gabapentin was like a miracle for me regarding anxiety. It worked better than clonazepam.

I'm going back on it and just dealing with the side effects!

Rant away as much as it helps, Hashi! No problem.
I was wondering about you lately and was glad to see you posting, though sorry about the troubles.

Thanks guys! I went to bed at 10pm and just now made myself get up. I just don't want to deal with anything today. I have my therapist appointment tomorrow. She has no idea what she's in for!!! LOL