[cashart10]

very, very paranoid. My stomach is in knots. I'm desperately afraid I'm going to be arrested but I'm not sure I've ever committed a crime. I feel paralyzed. I haven't touched the house today and I slept until almost 1PM (my husband was home).

Possible trigger:

I feel like I need to commit suicide to prevent my family from my dramatic fall from grace. I feel like I need to protect everyone from the evil I have become. I won't actually commit suicide but I am afraid of the consequences if I don't do it. I can just imagine cop cars in front of my house.

On an entirely different note: FYI for those of you thinking of/praying for us, my husband found a job and there was only a ten day lapse of pay from one shop to another shop. We both feel that great weight lifted!

[scatterbrained04]

(((Hugs))) glad your husband was able to find a job that quickly

[Unrigged64072835]

Glad to hear about your husband's new job.

Deep breaths and lots of hugs.

[cashart10]

I am seriously sick with worry. I don't know what to do. I just want this feeling to go away. What would I do if I had to go to jail? What would happen to my kids? My brain is filled with ruminating thoughts that are absurd but I cannot dismiss them.

I have my Klonapin back. I'm considdering taking an extra and going to sleep.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

After having just been through nearly 2 years of my brother's legal issues I can tell you that you'd know for sure if you'd done something that bad. You didn't. You're ok. Calm music, take that klonopin, try to sleep.

I wonder if your brain is throwing all this anxiety at you now that you can relax about your husband's job?

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

After having just been through nearly 2 years of my brother's legal issues I can tell you that you'd know for sure if you'd done something that bad. You didn't. You're ok. Calm music, take that klonopin, try to sleep.

I wonder if your brain is throwing all this anxiety at you now that you can relax about your husband's job?

I hadn't really thought about my focus being shifted away from my husband's job loss. My pdoc thinks it is because I messed up my klonapin for a few days (I ran out--no refills and was about to see him so I thought I'd just wait). He's probably right but I cannot convince my brain otherwise. Also, it's hard to imagine THIS much anxiety over it as I was down to 1MG (from 2 1/2). I just need to figure out how to cope because right now my mind is running away from me. I even find myself in fear of the world ending because of the new year! Now how much sense does that make??!!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Klonopid is strong stuff. I really am glad I have it and I'm EXTREMELY glad that my pdoc is absolutely fine with me taking it with clozaril (she said the interaction isn't very big and honestly I think that she feels making me go off one med rapidly is enough of a horrible experience) but it is powerful. I can't believe how sick I got when I missed just one day of meds a month or 2 ago. Part of that was missing Seroquel too but I couldn't believe how sick I got so fast. I've been on and off valium a number of times in the last 2 years and the klonopin has prevented any withdrawl. So I forget that I can withdrawl from it. Oddly though 4 years ago they took me off it cold turkey IP b/c they didn't want me to have it while I was a danger to myself and I barely noticed. I'd been on it for years at that point and the same (or greater) dose than now but now my body seems to care more.

You've been under a lot of stress for a long time. Your husband's job, your med change that took forever, the loss of your blood, the need to go up slower than the dr expected, the stress of figuring out whether to trust your pdoc or not, the holidays, etc. It's going to come out somehow.