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#1
Jan 10, 2016, 02:18 PM
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Sorry about the long read but this is my way
to see it in print helps me understand better
Emotions for years I wondered what they were now I wonder how I will handle them a T said my childhood had been a time of emotional neglect I have to admit until them I had never thought about it but it is true The meds I have endured the last three years following the crisis time have allowed me to start feeling I have had a moment of real clarity and been able to realize there have been three major periods of my life My first obsession was with religion , which I followed all the way to a degree in ministry only to lose all belief in the same My second was work all consuming , controling all the events of my life coming first even over family leading up to and causing the crisis that landed me ip . It has taken three years but I have found a new obsession and it is all consuming it makes me feel as a teenager again I lie as a teenager with all the emotions of that age for the first time as my first childhood had no such consuming emotions in my second childhood they seem to have completely over whelmed me and my life my wife thinks I have lost it I told her I think I am turning into a 17 year old I have to admit it is the real reason I keep playing with my meds trying to find a balance between functioning normaly and giving myself to the tears and joy that justs takes me away I am unbelieveably happy , but never satisfied my T used to say I never went manic just expansive I am not sure I am or ever was bp just stunted emotionally but the meds have expanded my life greatly and I am glad of that whatever the reason But the obsession has come at a price my mind dwells day and night on it it prevents sleep it disrupts my work it is coming between my family and myself and I really don't it means that much to me want to stop when I abused xanex it was to cover up an outside indused effect this is coming from with in this is all new for me is this what it really feels like to have emotions ? . . Tigger. 
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 cashart10, raspberrytorte
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#2
Jan 10, 2016, 03:34 PM
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I'm not sure I completely understand. You say you lie. Is that your obsession?
I went thru a period of time where I collected Barbie dolls and clothes,cars,even the Barbie airplane. I told my husband I never had a childhood. ( which is true). I've stopped being interested but have over 100 dolls.
__________________
 Bipolar 1Day Vraylar 3 mg. Wellbutrin 150 Night meds Temazepam 30 mg or lorazepam Hasn't helped yet. From sunny California! |
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#3
Jan 10, 2016, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
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 Ocean Swimmer
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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