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#1
Jan 14, 2016, 11:35 PM
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you guys know my ways I write to see it in print it makes it real for me to understand myself ...
been afraid to write this for what you may think of me ... while on you tube one of those side windows was a music video ... it was a kpop group ... they sing in Korean mostly ... the sound reached all the way into me like nothing else ever has ... the words are not important ... it made me happy ... really happy ... I have become totally obsessed with them ... I have downloaded hours of concerts , mv's and tracks (over 40 gigs) ... I listen in my work truck as I drive ... I have my fix every night ... I love when I am alone so I can crank the volume up ... I missed a day and I was really bummed out ... my wife thinks I have totally lost it ... I am like a drug addict wanting my daily fix ... tonight I spent 4 hours watching concerts ... it has helped me more than any pill or T ever did ... second childhood ... around the bend , I really don't care ... I have had no interest in music for the past 40 years ... now I live for it ... your opinion ... am I harming myself ... is it looney toon time ... are just a harmless fantasy reliving ( and maybe filling in) my emotionaly neglected childhood ... I cry , I sing out loud , I laugh ... it really has me ... and I have never felt this way before , and I like it ... I have emotions for the first time ever ... If I ever won the lottery my first trip would be travel there and thank them for lifting me out of depression ( maybe saving my life) ... I have actually worked out plans for that ... I have become intertwined to find every scrap of information I can about them ... obsession thy name is ...Tigger ...  ps: I blame my meds ... that's my story and I'm sticking to it ... |
 Anonymous48690, jacky8807
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 Angelique67, Gavinandnikki, jacky8807, LettinG0
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#2
Jan 14, 2016, 11:54 PM
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Addiction to the cultural crack rock that is K-pop is a dangerous and all-consuming affliction... your wife should immediately arrange a supervised intervention and you should be committed to intensive inpatient treatment, which usually consists of a prolonged period of Gitmo-level immersion in Nickelback. God be with you.
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| Anonymous37883
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| Hashi/bipolar mom, jacky8807, Mr.Arch-Vile, Trippin2.0, wiretwister
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#3
Jan 15, 2016, 12:26 AM
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I just discovered YouTube, so has everyone else in our system. We are mesmerized. We'll have it all watched not before long. We've missed entire days and up all night emersed. We're sick. Our partner thinks we're fruit loops anyways.
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| wiretwister
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#4
Jan 15, 2016, 12:55 AM
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Figure skating. I got interested after the last Olympics and then when I was on bedrest for 6 weeks and casted for 10 the following summer I learned quite a bit about ice dance. This year it's been men's skating. I have a favorite coach. I can recognize some jumps. I know a good program from a bad one. Youtube feeds this.
It gives my mind something to do while I can't do much else (can't read, can't follow much on tv etc.) I'm very, very sad because I'll be in the hospital for nationals. It just seems wrong.  Oh, and I speak of this to nobody. I don't want to see their faces.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
| jacky8807, wiretwister
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#5
Jan 15, 2016, 01:27 AM
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I've got addicted to classical music, even bought a small piano - upgrading to a digital piano very soon selling my guitar and amp and laptop for it..
Listen to concerts and solo pianists everyday on the way to college, before sleep, after sleep. I try to convince everybody to give it a try at least, because it's divine music, it contains every aspect of human's emotion and experience. @BeyondtheRainbow I hope you'll catch the youtube recorded translation after hospital @tiger - What touched me in your post is your honesty and awareness of how it's related to your past, and how it is a compensation act/journey for negligence in the past. I don't think many capable of this. I know I don't, I find it so hard to understand and to dig deeper into my childhood and understand it's impact on me today. Just take care of yourself
__________________
Bipolar II ENFP - |
| wiretwister
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#6
Jan 15, 2016, 01:30 AM
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bbTofu-That's my plan for those first few days home when you are exhausted and re-adjusting. So all is not lost and I'd be watching in delay on youtube anyway just not quite as delayed. Which is fine.
I've been learning a lot of classical music as well doing this. In fact I've started thinking about whether whatever music I'm listening to could be skated to....like the theme to Making a Murder....sometimes it's nice to know that I can use bipolar to excuse weird thoughts!
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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#7
Jan 15, 2016, 01:54 AM
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Big deal...I love music, would be dead SERIOUSLY without the cranberries, nirvana, stp, zepplin, pink floyd, tori amos just to name a few. Music heals me, more than anything has. Enjoy it and tell her rose a fellow bp thinks you should embrace it....
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| wiretwister
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#8
Jan 15, 2016, 04:45 AM
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We all get our momentary obsessions that may change with our moods. The life of a bipolar.
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| gina_re, Granger41, jacky8807, wiretwister
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#9
Jan 15, 2016, 01:15 PM
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I think it's no secret that I have a similar affliction (over different artists)
. It is much worse when I am manic. While it worries my husband and my pdc constantly questions me about it, it is perfectly harmless, I think.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
| Granger41
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#10
Jan 15, 2016, 01:45 PM
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I get these obsessions from time to time. As long as it doesn't interfere with my daily functioning I'm fine.
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| Granger41, jacky8807
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#11
Jan 15, 2016, 02:30 PM
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I think that anything that gives us hope during our bad times is a good thing. For the past week I have been absolutely entranced by Revolutionary War history and have spent my relaxing time watching documentaries and researching on the web. Be well.
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#12
Jan 15, 2016, 03:18 PM
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I'm with you, rose1985. Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, Rolling Stones, Willie Nelson, Toby Keith, Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennet, Linda Ronstadt, Chuck Berry, Sly and The Family Stone, Sam and Dave, The Four Seasons, Kelly Clarkson, Jimmy Buffett...
__________________
Treatment resistant rapid cycling/mixed state/C-PTSD/non-restorative sleep Barely hanging onto my life. For sleep: Calcium Carbonate/Magnesium Carbonate 1 grain of desiccated thyroid(60 mg) 4 grains of desiccated thyroid/a.m. Rx testosterone injections for low T + several nutritional supplements Mediterranean style diet/moderate carb, high protein. |
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#13
Jan 15, 2016, 03:29 PM
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I don't think your crazy. Does your wife think your crazy in a cute, "I adore your eccentricities" or a "your crazy I am re-evaluating my personal trust in you"? Also - a few months from now, your fix may stop working, and you may move onto something else. All-consuming obsession for a fixed period of time is something I experience regularly.
__________________
BEST OF LUCK TO US ALL!  600 mg Trileptal (oxcarbazepine) 30 mg Atarax (hydroxyzine) 8 mg Trilafon (perphenazine) Bipolar 1 - Borderline Personality Disorder - Generalized Anxiety Disorder - Eating Disorder |
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#14
Jan 15, 2016, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
it's taken 40 years for this to pop up ... not sure I have enough time to find another .... |
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#15
Jan 15, 2016, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
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#16
Jan 15, 2016, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
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#17
Jan 15, 2016, 07:06 PM
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Quote:
problem is , it did ... this is what got me thinking ... while running a song thru my head for the three hundred time I ran a red light, only by the grace of god (and superior driving skills) did I miss a very serious wreck ... 
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#18
Jan 15, 2016, 07:21 PM
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I was like this about Tokio Hotel a few years ago. I became obsessed with them and Germany, bought all these books to learn German and spent thousands towards a trip to Germany that I never even went on. I think it is a fine line. Good luck.
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| Granger41, wiretwister
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| wiretwister
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#19
Jan 15, 2016, 11:14 PM
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Vegans
Getting into their videos and all the ways a diet of animal products is gross as well as bad for you. Just came across it and became obsessed Tried the diet lasted two days and ate some steak But some of those animal rights videos yikes! Tigger we are all crazy here
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| wiretwister
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#20
Jan 15, 2016, 11:29 PM
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You know the answer. Your wife and pdoc can say whatever but DO YOU think it's becoming too obsessive?
__________________
Hashi/Bipolar Mom 300mg Lamictal 1800mg Gabapentin 10mg Memantine (weaning off) .6mg Clonidine (for sleep and anxiety) 40mg Propanol (for sleep) 3 mg Xanax 10mg Saphris |
| wiretwister
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#21
Jan 15, 2016, 11:42 PM
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Quote:
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#22
Jan 15, 2016, 11:52 PM
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It's midnight (almost) just turned off 6 hours of videos ... maybe ... IDK ...
but I like being a "sunshiner" ... |
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#23
Jan 16, 2016, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
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| LorrieTorrie
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#24
Jan 16, 2016, 01:27 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Hashi/Bipolar Mom 300mg Lamictal 1800mg Gabapentin 10mg Memantine (weaning off) .6mg Clonidine (for sleep and anxiety) 40mg Propanol (for sleep) 3 mg Xanax 10mg Saphris |
| wiretwister
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#25
Jan 16, 2016, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Well, I didn't get mad. Instead I asked what provoked such harsh and mean critism. He said that he heard me listening to Pearl Jam's Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town over and over once again. He said he knew that when I start obsessing over songs so much things tend to turn badly. He knows me. Despite his concern, I'm still listening to the song. That said, he may very well be right. I would just suggest listening to those around you. If it is just an obsession, no harm done.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
| LorrieTorrie
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| wiretwister
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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