Anyone else here have a drinking problem? / Looking for some advice

Hey guys. Like many people living with BP I have substance abuse problems as well. Right now I'm working on quitting booze (I thought it'd be a good idea to taper off during the long weekend) and I just read some **** on wikipedia and Web MD (smart ... I know) that scared the **** out of me.

I didn't realize that 3-4 days into withdrawal are the most dangerous days. I thought I was actually almost out of the woods (i'm on day 2 -- I went from drinking 12+ drinks daily to 4 yesterday and 3 today). I'm obviously a bit shaky but I feel otherwise okay. Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this? Reading all the (statistically unlikely) horror stories online has put my anxiety through the roof.

I've been taking naltrexone to help reduce cravings (it actually helps a lot BTW) and my pdoc knows I'm an alcoholic and last time I met with him he refused to give me any benz. (for understandable reasons) and just gave me naltrexone so I guess he wasn't concerned about my withdrawals getting bad enough to require librium/klonopine? That kind of helps make me feel better but I am absolutely TERRIFIED about having to go get stuck in a hospital (I'll lose my job, I can't afford to pay for inpatient, etc.).

I checked around and most sources are saying I should be OK. Phew! Looking forward to moving passed this and getting healthy and getting on with my life. I'm going to try to go for a jog or get some sort of exercise tomorrow and hang out with my friend from college. Hope everyones doing well, and if you have any sort of similar experience or substance abuse thing you feel like *****ing about please share them here.

I've never had more than a wine cooler or 2 so have no personal experience. But I can tell you that my brother quit cold turkey last year because he was arrested and obviously couldn't drink in jail and then he was on bail with a condition of bail being no drinking. He had no problems at all. I'm sure he went back to drinking as soon as he wasn' on bail but he did stop temporarily (and stopping wasn't his idea and he wasn't committed to it so his failure is not an example of what trying to quit is like).

I'm not recommending that approach because bad stuff can happen but it is possible to get through it without horrible things occurring.

I have seen people professionally going through alcohol withdrawl with meds doing both ok and others doing not so well and the same without. Maybe a call to your pdoc that you are stopping, does he think you are safe is in order?

So I don't really have any useful advice but just wanted you to know it's not the worst case scenario every time.

Thanks, I know I am just being super paranoid. Normally I drink to escape the paranoia! I'm just done with throwing up every morning and feeling like **** all day. Mainly I just want to get healthier. Even though I prefer to abstain from meds (I feel like I do WORSE when I'm on meds, honestly) I am seeking out a therapist in my area just so I can have someone to talk to about my problems in life and find healthy ways to cope with them that don't involve antipsychotics, benzos, or alcohol.

That's really admirable. Coming from a family of alcoholics, all functional alcoholics, I know how it can destroy you. My brother is in jail this week (short sentence) but what he did was partially because is disinhibition from drinking. Like I said he stopped but I'm sure resumed as soon as possible. I only hope it doesn't bring more heartache and I truly wish he would come to the place you are at. Sadly I doubt he ever really will.

You have a great plan. Now you need as much support as you can get. AA, SMARTrecovery (I think that's right), one of the other groups, whatever you can find that works for you and gives you support. You're doing a great thing for yourself.

Thank you for your kind words. I was always fairly high functioning (did great in college, fell into a bit of a rut post-graduation but landed a steady, well paying job about 6 months later) but I definitely had some very close calls (honestly I can't believe my scholarship wasn't revoked due to a REALLY stupid incident I had halfway through college) and my family has been expressing concern constantly over the last couple of months as most of my mom's side of the family were alcoholics.

I've actually tried AA before and didn't like it at all, I felt like it just wasn't the sort of program I could get into -- I understand it works for some people but it's just not for me. What I have found helpful from time to time are local DBPS (I think?? It stands for like "Depression Bipolar Society" or something like that) groups in my area which are basically free member-led group talk therapy sessions. I'll try to find the right name sometime tomorrow for people who may also find it useful-- I believe they have chapters nationwide.

The DBPS(?) group sessions are much cooler because they consist of peers suffering from similar disorders and are much more interactive and not just like "let's sit and read these random printouts about how man is powerless and we have no free will."

DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance)

I went to one once. It wasn't run in a way that made me want to go back. Plus it's 2 hours from home. The leader talked WAY.TOO.MUCH.

I wish there were a closer one. There is one modeled of DBSA (used to be DBSA and lost funding) but it's in the morning and I am just getting to sleep if I'm fortunate then. So someday.

I am one of those people for whom withdrawals sucked. Back in 2007 when I chose to change my lifestyle and I quit drinking everyday (don't know if I qualify as an alcoholic but I was definitely a problematic drinker) and moved back in with my parents, it flung me into a pretty severe depressive episode - on top of the physical withdrawal symptoms of shakiness and feeling sick. I was laid up in bed for like 3 months.

I replaced drinking with exercise and lost a ton of weight (of course I gained it all back once I was put on meds that made me very lethargic and am now starting all over again), so I definitely think that's a good way for you to go. It will help to detox your body faster (or so I've heard), which should help with any withdrawal symptoms that may or may not pop up.

It might suck a bit sometimes but it'll all be for the best. Good luck with everything!

Thank you for correcting me! Yes, that's the one. I can understand how that was frustrating, I went once and my group was small (about 5 people) and the guy hosting it (older guy in his 50s) did a good job of moderating. It's definitely not the same as a group session hosted by trained counselors but it's free -- so what the heck. I had a better DBSA experience than I did an AA experience (also free). And yeah, driving 2 hours out of your way for a session is ridiculous. I live in a fairly urban area and my evening work schedule changes a lot so I have to figure out which DBSA group is meeting on which night at which location etc.

Honestly, I can't believe I didn't take better advantage of the free group therapy sessions I had access to when I was in school. They were on campus, hosted by grad students in psychology and ran on schedules that catered to the college demographic. Hindsight is always 20/20 though.

Thanks CMorales, yeah I think that "problematic drinking" vs. "alcoholism" (which has various stages) can be hard to differentiate between. I've actually found that the "way" I've considered myself an alcoholic as has evolved as I've aged.

Like for example when I noticed I was "partying" too much when I was like 19-ish. I would drink (way) more heavily than my friends, drink in situations that others weren't drinking in (for example, social functions for clubs I was part of), so basically it was ****ing up my social functioning.

Post-college years it's been that I clearly use alcohol almost exclusively as an escape mechanism. I don't really drink socially anymore, I have recently been having physical withdrawal symptoms, blah blah blah

Anyway, what meds were you on that caused the weight gain? I drank heavily before starting on meds last year and never gained any weight but was on meds for 6 months (Spring-most of the summer) and gained like 30 pounds. I feel fat and gross and am aiming to get back into shape starting tomorrow.

Just the Celexa and Abilify. At first I thought it was the Abilify which was causing it because it hit me hard at first, but then I talked with a woman who was also on Celexa in the past and it made her very lethargic/tired, so I'm not really sure which caused it. Of course, it could have been both. For all I know the Celexa was making me lethargic and the Abilify added to it with a weight gain side effect.

Yeah they sure are. I've found it actually better to have couple of drinks a day for couple of days after heavy drinking. Anxiety boost to top level due to some chemical created as side product when liver is burning alcohol. couple of drinks cheats body to out from withdrawals but of course you have to quit having those 3 drinks after, let's say 5 days and then just suffer maybe 3 days. Believe me i know what i'm talking about.

My diagnosis is C-PTSD not BP, so I hope it's okay for me to respond.

Withdrawal from alcohol is one of the worst withdrawals someone can go through and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.

AA doesn't work for me either, and there are not optional choices like Smart Recovery or Rational Recovery in my area , but I do realize that alcohol and I are not a good fit.

Therefore, I signed an agreement with my therapist that I would not drink while in treatment, and being someone who likes to keep their word, that has worked very well for me.

Perhaps it could for you too?

Wishing the best for you!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

That's a good idea, the contract. I'm currently looking for a new therapist so when the subject comes up maybe that's something I could suggest. Honestly, aside from the fact that I have barely been able to sleep for the past 3 days (and literally none at all tonight) I haven't been feeling super bad. My "informants" tell me that yeah, I'll feel a little shakey and not be able to sleep but that (relatively speaking) I could be way worse off.

I think that I'm feeling a bit hypomanic, probably due to lack of sleep and the good ol' BP1 -- mostly racing thoughts and catastrophizing. But I'll be sure to keep it under control.

I always felt the worse the first 2-3 days after quitting. Glad you have naltrexone to help and good job for wanting to make this change, it is NOT easy. Best of luck to you!

I'm bipolar and in recovery from alcoholism. You've got some good suggestions here. Good luck and PM me if you need anything.

moogs