[scatterbrained04]

Again--trigger warning

So I'm a 30yo smoker, with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetic. Diabetes runs big time in my mom's family (my grandmother and all her 7-8 siblings have it despite not being overweight). The thing is, I'm having a hard time taking any of these health issues seriously because part of me really thinks like, "so how much younger does that mean I may die? I don't want to be here!" So I don't change anything. My mother has been lecturing me about my health when she found out stuff. I know my thinking is messed up, but I just don't know how to get serious about taking care of my health. When I'm doing well, I can take better care of myself somewhat, until depression rolls in and I wish I was dead.

I can't be the only one who struggles with this. Has anyone found anything that helps them want to take care of themselves (or just do it despite not wanting to)?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. Two of my meds have high blood pressure as a possible side effect. Sure enough, when I went to MD he did the routine test and I was borderline high. He told me to buy one of those at home checkers. I did it like 3 times and then felt like -What's the use?
I suspect a sugar problem, but I haven't asked for a test. It's like I don't want to know. Isn't it enough to be med compliant on the bipolar drugs?
Anyway. I know how you feel.

[wiretwister]

my issue is my gp keeps warning about stroke ... I also said what's the diff ... just a way out early .... but I really don't want to be a vegatible or unable to move stuck in a nursing home for years ... "because you can't be sure you will die" ... you could be worst off than now ... so I take my pills ..

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

[quote=scatterbrained04;4879979]Again--trigger warning

So I'm a 30yo smoker, with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetic. Diabetes runs big time in my mom's family (my grandmother and all her 7-8 siblings have it despite not being overweight). The thing is, I'm having a hard time taking any of these health issues seriously because part of me really thinks like, "so how much younger does that mean I may die? I don't want to be here!" So I don't change anything. My mother has been lecturing me about my health when she found out stuff. I know my thinking is messed up, but I just don't know how to get serious about taking care of my health. When I'm doing well, I can take better care of myself somewhat, until depression rolls in and I wish I was dead.
[quote=scatterbrained04;4879979]Again--trigger warning

I deal with this as well. I hate being overweight due to the meds, but just for vanity sake, not for my health and it's for the same reasons as you. I've had two brothers die of heart attacks young (2nd one in Sep). They were diabetic and had high BP (I don't have either...so surprised by that). Sometimes, I wish it was me. (knock on wood). However, I think of my DH and son and know that is not an option. No, you are not alone unfortunately. Hugs

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

my issue is my gp keeps warning about stroke ... I also said what's the diff ... just a way out early .... but I really don't want to be a vegatible or unable to move stuck in a nursing home for years ... "because you can't be sure you will die" ... you could be worst off than now ... so I take my pills ..

Yeah, you're kind of right. It could get way worse. I guess that's a new way I could try to think of it. Gah--I'm struggling.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Again--trigger warning

So I'm a 30yo smoker, with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetic. Diabetes runs big time in my mom's family (my grandmother and all her 7-8 siblings have it despite not being overweight). The thing is, I'm having a hard time taking any of these health issues seriously because part of me really thinks like, "so how much younger does that mean I may die? I don't want to be here!" So I don't change anything. My mother has been lecturing me about my health when she found out stuff. I know my thinking is messed up, but I just don't know how to get serious about taking care of my health. When I'm doing well, I can take better care of myself somewhat, until depression rolls in and I wish I was dead.

I can't be the only one who struggles with this. Has anyone found anything that helps them want to take care of themselves (or just do it despite not wanting to)?

Were you in my head??? I swear this is me minus the smoking part. I don't take care of myself so much physically because I spend so much energy taking care of my mental health. Then when I feel better, it's like ok you fat slob, now what? I do have my moments where I eat better and cut back on the junk food. But how long gone that lasts is another problem. So far I've been good, until today when I was like whatever and ordered a pizza.

However, being put on Lamictal helped me drop a few pounds...

[alincdytyourmeds]

I personally avoid getting screened for any cancer because I don't wont to find it early, i want it to grow to the point that hospice is called in and my kids will know that it was a disease and not me that killed myself. So yes I totally get your point.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have things I will take care of. My family history with diabetes is frightening and I'm very responsible about annual testing for that and if I don't lose my Seroquel weight or gain on Clozaril then I'll be starting Metformin to control it and help prevent diabetes as I'm 40 now and my family gets it between 40-55 universally. I am ok with BP and cholesterol. But I went 9 years without a breast exam and I just learned how to do them myself in September. For a while my gyn care was handled by the surgeon who did an initial surgery and then my hysterectomy and then since I don't need pelvics it was just inconvenient. And women who spent time in the school I grew up in have much higher than usual breast cancer rates. One of my friends growing up died of breast cancer at 34 on I think her 4th round of it. EVen then I wouldn't treat it. When I was on lithium I horrified my pdoc by telling her I would never, ever do dialysis. While that one comes from too much time in nursing homes watching people on dialysis it really worried her until I was off lithium. I could tell that any kidney changes were going to result in lithium being removed so I wouldn't make that choice. I am willing to do a certain amount of preventative care but not to prolong my life. I've had a Do Not Resuscitate order for years (affected by my work and a personal experience as well as bipolar); my driver's license says to do CPR on me because when I said I had a living will (a new question) the woman assumed she knew what it said. I drilled into my family members that my license lies.

But I've spent the last year wishing for something that would get rid of me without it being my fault.