[ducky2030]

Sometimes I feel like Im fine and the reason I suffer from depression sometimes is because Im a highly spiritual being trying to fit into society. I always feel like i am meant to do something AMAZING and inspire the masses but I have trouble pinpointing exactly what that is and thats like my main purpose in life ( also to reach enlightenment). Im an artist so maybe thats it . IDK sometimes i just seriously think theres nothing wrong with me, i feel great, and theres so much that I'm capable of doing I just have to focus on ONE thing for longer than 2 seconds haha! Can anyone relate? Im probably not making any sense whatever

[cmorales]

Yep. I mean, I'm BP I, but I doubt my dx sometimes. Most recently (mid-September--mid-November) I went a bit hypomanic and thought: I'm going to sell my car and fly to Syria to help the YPG fight ISIS. I can survive just fine without meds because I'm totally not crazy. So I stopped taking my medication. And I did survive just fine... for about 5 weeks, when I started getting really agitated and started hating life for no reason I could figure other than being off my meds. That's when I came to face the reality of the disease and went back on my medication.

I saw my pdoc two days or so after going back on my meds and said nothing of it because I was afraid she would scold me for stopping my medicine, but I see her in a few weeks and I'm gonna be honest with her and ask, since 7.5mg has allowed me to be in such a situation twice in the last 6 months, to go back up to 10mg of Abilify... for my own good/safety.

[jacky8807]

Yes to all that lol
Doctors have told me its the nature of the illness
Something always comes around to remind me of the truth sooner or later

[gina_re]

I sure did. I was originally told I was bipolar I believe when I was 19 or 20. I was like "whatever" and didn't take her prescription. Next thing I knew I was living halfway across the country because I was in love (of course that didn't work out). I did take medication on and off just because I was hospitalized at one point so I figured I should. But I went to a pdoc in 2009 and the Trileptal helped me to feel "normal" and I've been on it since. Sure there have still been some ups and downs, but everything makes sense now. I have finally accepted it.

[raspberrytorte]

My diagnosis is a little different, but yeah, I go through periods of doubt, especially when I'm feeling okay. Unfortunately there's a lot of evidence that's not in my favor!

I have been wanting to write a post similar to this because I'm really doubting my diagnosis right now. But then I wonder if I am doubting it because the medication has finally made me stable so I feel great and think I don't need it at all.

My psych said everyone goes through a period where they have to wonder about the medicine working and often they end up going off their meds just to see what happens but that its bad for your brain because the medication affects your synapses and chemical balance. So that made me feel like staying on the medication.

Maybe its just that we want to go back to/miss what we feel is normal, our old selves and the way we used to operate. I mean we have been that way for so long and we are more used to the old habits than the new ones so it is difficult not to be conflicted.

One author actually believes we can go off our meds and use bipolar to our advantage once we know how our cycles work. Here's the article on a review of the book:
Bipolar In Order | Psych Central

Anyway that was a long response, but thank you for sharing this. It helps to know I'm not alone in my doubt.

[scatterbrained04]

I doubted it at first, but as I learned more about bipolar disorder, the more I knew I "fit."

[Wanderlust90]

I question my bipolar II dx almost all day everyday. I research borderline PD & think to myself, um this sounds like me too! & they're treatment approaches are almost polar opposites! There's some schools of thought that suggest borderline & bipolar may well occur together much of the time or even be one in the same, this is mainly in regards to "softer" bipolar dx's on the spectrum though. But trust in the psychiatrist. They have the all important clinical experience. I can dx myself with almost anything if I read the symptom list but they know how the symptoms express themselves.

Going off meds when hypomanic, I can relate to that. One moment I'm like I'm not even sick why the hell am I taking meds that flatten me out & stop taking them. Next few days I start having auditory hallucinations & SH & it's like oh right, I am sick. The hypomania is deceiving & very self destructive. It feels to good to trust it, others look at you with concern & in the back of my mind I know, but it's like **** it. Dangerous but intoxicating & I often feel like life's not worth it without that intoxicating feeling of risk & hedonism.

[wiretwister]

if you did not doubt your dx I would say you probabily are not bp ... of course it doesn't take long to learn the hard way ... but it is hard to remember that lesson ... I have heard of going off a med completely then it having no benefit when restarted ... so be careful if you ever want that med again ... it might not work for you ....