[Yooper88]

Today is Wednesday. I would say that I am feeling awesome. Tomorrow is Thursday and what happens if I wake up and I'm sick again?

I don't think I am alone in saying that I live in fear of relapse, or getting "sick" again. The past 2-3 years I have been stable, or in recovery with my bipolar. Sure, I have more manic moments and more down moments, but I have been on a good combo of medications and have no side effects.

Here is one thing on my mind: My husband is planning on purchasing a handgun for home protection. Chicago isn't exactly the safest place, for those of you not watching the news lately. He promises me he will get an expensive lock case that only takes HIS hand print and I will NEVER have access to the gun.

I support him and feel good about him wanting to keep me and our home safe. However, what happens if that day comes again where I'm at the bottom of the rabbit hole and not ready to ever come out? I'm very afraid I"ll somehow get access to it.

Like I said before, I am not feeling suicidal right now, but with bipolar I always know its going to happen again someday. Maybe sooner, maybe later. Its really the only thing predictable about this disease - that you cannot predict it.

I'm VERY interested in anyone's advice, experiences, thoughts, etc. Please leave any comments.

Thanks! have an awesome Hump Day!
Robin

[4infinity]

Dear Robin, we own a hand gun and it is loaded and readily accessible. I think I fear an intruder more than myself. Or maybe it's just I'm too chicken I don't know. Each of us must decide what is going to keep us absolutely safe. If there's the slightest doubt then protect yourself at all cost! Maybe for me also, my mom committed suicide when I was 8 by shooting g herself. I too never know from one day to the next what I will be feeling but I have learned to call for help even from the bottom of the rabbits hole as you say. My heart goes out to you. I know I also worry when the next relapse might come, so arm yourself with nbers of people and places you can call for help. I don't know if any of this was helpful but I wish for you years and years of happiness and stability.

[Keegan2015]

I think as long as he keeps it locked up it should be fine. Maybe ask him to hide the safe somewhere that you don't know about just as an extra precaution?

[Yooper88]

I do agree with you infinity - I fear an intruder more than myself.

[cashart10]

Firstly, I am sorry you are going through this. Secondly, my husband bought a handgun against my strong opposition. He too has it in a locked safe (he also currenly has my meds there too). When I explained to him that I felt a little betrayed and he knows that I easily become suicidal when I'm depressed, he said he has made sure that I could never have access to anything in the safe. That makes it a little easier but it's still upsetting when I think about it. I also live in fear that I will lose touch with reality and have a psychotic break again. I currently experience manic episodes that aren't as unsafe and bizarre as they were prior to meds although my depressions seem to be the same as they have always been (minus the psychosis) and last sometimes long periods of time. I sometimes hear voices and become paranoid but I am quite honest with my pdoc and t and they also are honest with me.

My therapist is constantly reminding me that break was when I was unmedicated and that I now have my family, my psychiatrist and her to be able to recognize the signs. She says I could live the rest of my life never having such a break but even if I do, I will have loads of support.