[Pastel Kitten]

The other day, my mom linked me an article that talked about how you can train yourself not to worry as much with the exception of anxiety disorders which I honestly think she failed to notice. The article was written by a Christian woman (my mom is Christian), and while I respect other peoples' faith and religions, she wrote that the only real solution to getting better is through God alone.

The day before, my mom called me on the phone telling me I need God in my life. I told her politely that I'd appreciate it if she stopped telling me that (she's been doing this for years) and she agreed. So today, when she linked me this article, she told me that it's fine if I ignore the God parts and look only at the science aspects of it.

When I told her that there really wasn't too much science involved, particularly after reading that "the only solution is God", she told me that brain chemistry is affected by how we think. and that we can change it by changing our thoughts. WHAT? So I can just choose to think that I'm not bipolar and suddenly I'm cured? I told her that she was confusing "coping techniques" with "brain chemistry" because you can't alter your brain chemistry by sheer willpower! In fact, nothing can alter that. Medications can help alleviate symptoms, but they don't cure you either.

She went on to say "nothing we're born with is subject to remain the same." Except plenty of things are...especially mental illnesses. At least, you are born being genetically prone to them or you would not develop them to begin with. And again, the article she linked me even said that anxiety disorders aren't something you can change with thoughts. This can apply to any mental illness, which really makes me think she missed the entire point. Sure, you can help yourself by learning healthy coping techniques, but you can't eradicate what you have genetically inherited!

She's been having a hard time accepting my recent bipolar diagnosis. I think she wants to believe that I can will it away. I'm also 95% sure she believes I developed it because I "strayed from the path of God" (I was raised in a very religious household and stopped being a Christian a few years ago) so now I suffer from mental illnesses as punishment. This kind of thinking is exactly why there is such a bad stigma surrounding mental illness. Cause surely it's got to be our faults! We're not thinking correctly! And of course she won't do any research about bipolar to get a better understanding of what I'm going through. It just really frustrates me. Thought I'd share.

TLDR: My mom thinks you can change your brain chemistry by simply changing how you think.

[Wanderlust90]

I think your mum really needs to respect your beliefs regardless of hers. Mental illness is not something someone can talk themselves out of by sheer willpower.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Bah my family is ignorant too

[Hemingway]

Argh! I so understand what you go through... My sister has got into some personal development stuff and always tries to tell me that I can change my brain if I try hard enough to make the right thoughts. It's really frustrating and isolating when people obviously don't seem to understand. Hang in there.

[jacky8807]

So the article may have been referring to basically CBT therapy which is about changing your thoughts and is considered a huge tool in managing *not curing* mental illness.
I know what its like not having ppl understand in your family so I don't bother anymore. It just put stress on me and never helped
*during my psychotic break it would take a book to write what my mom did and I still can't believe her behavior to this day
Sorry u are dealing with this

[Mountainbard]

It sounds like your mom really is having a lot of trouble accepting your diagnosis. She's falling back on what she knows-- religion-- in a sincere but misguided attempt to help you. I doubt it will do any good at all to try to contradict or even educate her. She'll get an education as she sees your health improve due to the professional help you're getting, but it won't change her core beliefs. I think the best you can do is say "thanks mom," not let her get to you, and keep doing what you're doing.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm sorry your mom is being so weird.
Mental illness is NOT a punishment.
My mom has Parkinson's. Her brain won't manufacture dopamine. And her receptors are flawed. She prays. Goes to church. Was a good mom. Happy thoughts won't cure her or me either for that matter.
If you can ignore her without her knowing you're ignoring her that will help.
Bipolar is a brain chemical problem.

[B2008]

I have 100% belief and trust in God. Has he healed me no. But i do have faith that he isn't punishing me just maybe testing my will power to survive. I dont believe the good lord wants only do no wrong Christians though the world may need more of the sort. His army must be built with different types of strength. I can trust my car to take me across the country but if it breaks down I better know what to do to get to my destination. I don't go to Church I don't trust anyone to preach my faith to me. But when I talk to my children or pray I know he is there. Acceptance courage knowledge and most of all strength. The good lord wouldn't have given us these challenges without reason. In the end if we can survive each one of us will be a stronger person. We will be the front line warriors.

I hope this helps a little to see things in a different way. Maybe to approach her in a different way. I don't normally post about religion in this manor but I thought it might give some a different view. We are all different for a reason of there were not supposed to be non believers, believers, criminals, physically ill, mentally ill, there wouldn't be.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by Mountainbard

It sounds like your mom really is having a lot of trouble accepting your diagnosis. She's falling back on what she knows-- religion-- in a sincere but misguided attempt to help you. I doubt it will do any good at all to try to contradict or even educate her. She'll get an education as she sees your health improve due to the professional help you're getting, but it won't change her core beliefs. I think the best you can do is say "thanks mom," not let her get to you, and keep doing what you're doing.

The saddest part is that because of this, she's also depriving herself of the help she needs too. She hasn't seen a pdoc or T in years, and even when she did, she'd only see Christian doctors who most likely told her that she can get better through God's healing. I was shocked when she told me she was evaluated for both bipolar and borderline and came out as having neither of them. My mom was either being very dishonest or these doctors were not of the best quality and tried to use spirituality to reason with why my mom has severe behavioral issues. I just don't see her as having only depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Her life is beyond a wreck.

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by B2008

I have 100% belief and trust in God. Has he healed me no. But i do have faith that he isn't punishing me just maybe testing my will power to survive. I dont believe the good lord wants only do no wrong Christians though the world may need more of the sort. His army must be built with different types of strength. I can trust my car to take me across the country but if it breaks down I better know what to do to get to my destination. I don't go to Church I don't trust anyone to preach my faith to me. But when I talk to my children or pray I know he is there. Acceptance courage knowledge and most of all strength. The good lord wouldn't have given us these challenges without reason. In the end if we can survive each one of us will be a stronger person. We will be the front line warriors.

I hope this helps a little to see things in a different way. Maybe to approach her in a different way. I don't normally post about religion in this manor but I thought it might give some a different view. We are all different for a reason of there were not supposed to be non believers, believers, criminals, physically ill, mentally ill, there wouldn't be.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

I have absolutely no problem with people choosing to live life in this way. My mom thinks of it in such a black and white way. Either you choose God, or you suffer for your whole life and into the afterlife, even. Since I used to be Christian, I know that it's taught that we should fear God - but my mom fears him in a literal sense. She's gay and she has significant difficulties accepting it because she feels God will condemn her for all eternity. Because of this, she's gone back and forth through many different relationships and even left a very good, stable one because she was "not allowed to be with another woman" (which is a bit ironic because her then girlfriend was a Christian but fully accepted being gay).

My mom really, really needs professional help. I see many signs of bipolar or borderline (mainly borderline) and her PTSD from her abusive childhood is still affecting her severely to this day. She's from Germany and because the abuse took place there, she can't even speak in her native language without getting triggered. It's so unhealthy but she won't see anyone because she's convinced God will make her life right again.

[B2008]

That is terrible. I never understood why some people can have so much faith yet like you say take it literally and end up punishing or not accepting themselves. My grandmother battled cancer for 20 years. She found her faith and it helped her emotionally but the chemo allowed her a longer life. She looked at it like I do though and knew the good lord has allowed us the knowledge to have life saving treatments for a reason. Ocean swimmer is probably correct. U might have to find your own way to deal with her to maintain your sanity. She might not ever see things the way you do. My mother has had several neck surgeries and does have a lot of pain she has been on pain meds for a long time but refuses to believe she is addicted because she doesn't believe in it. As an addict myself clean for 15 years I see all the signs. Her sister is an alcoholic and in and out of treatment but my mother continues to belittle her which Is also a trigger for it. This has been going on for over 20 years. Sometimes we just have to accept these people in our lives and love them and hope that one day they can accept all of us. I hope you can find your own way to manage your stress over this. It's a lot harder when that someone is a mother or father. ️

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[BastetsMuse]

I lost a marriage because my husband "found Jesus" (I didn't realize He was lost) and would NOT understand why I would not "follow him into faith and be healed." We had other troubles, but hubby's religion didn't allow for psychiatrists and mental illness.

I've been with hubby #2 for ten years now and I can't hardly believe how blind hubby #1 was in matters of religion. Some Christians choose to be so incredibly ignorant - all you can do is sigh and bear it, and keep a separation as much as you possibly can, because your mom will NOT hear you because she doesn't want to hear you.

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by B2008

That is terrible. I never understood why some people can have so much faith yet like you say take it literally and end up punishing or not accepting themselves. My grandmother battled cancer for 20 years. She found her faith and it helped her emotionally but the chemo allowed her a longer life. She looked at it like I do though and knew the good lord has allowed us the knowledge to have life saving treatments for a reason. Ocean swimmer is probably correct. U might have to find your own way to deal with her to maintain your sanity. She might not ever see things the way you do. My mother has had several neck surgeries and does have a lot of pain she has been on pain meds for a long time but refuses to believe she is addicted because she doesn't believe in it. As an addict myself clean for 15 years I see all the signs. Her sister is an alcoholic and in and out of treatment but my mother continues to belittle her which Is also a trigger for it. This has been going on for over 20 years. Sometimes we just have to accept these people in our lives and love them and hope that one day they can accept all of us. I hope you can find your own way to manage your stress over this. It's a lot harder when that someone is a mother or father. ️

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

Thank you! I really like your point of view. Particularly "She looked at it like I do though and knew the good lord has allowed us the knowledge to have life saving treatments for a reason." My mom has such a negative view of the meds I'm taking. She acted like I was about to ingest rat poison when I first told her. She tried scaring me out of even finding a pdoc to begin with because "those meds will mess you (me) up!" It's hard for me to understand why she can't be glad that these meds exist to help people. She doesn't get that I, right now, need them in order to get better. I'm glad that our only method of contact is over skype, phone, and e-mail, because I think I'd go truly crazy if I had to live with her again!

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by BastetsMuse

I lost a marriage because my husband "found Jesus" (I didn't realize He was lost) and would NOT understand why I would not "follow him into faith and be healed." We had other troubles, but hubby's religion didn't allow for psychiatrists and mental illness.

I've been with hubby #2 for ten years now and I can't hardly believe how blind hubby #1 was in matters of religion. Some Christians choose to be so incredibly ignorant - all you can do is sigh and bear it, and keep a separation as much as you possibly can, because your mom will NOT hear you because she doesn't want to hear you.

It's true, and very sad. Luckily we are only on contact through skype, phone, and e-mail nowadays. I think that's for the better because she is incredibly close minded.

[Pearl9327]

My parents have a hard time accepting that I have bipolar disorder. They treat it like its something shameful and have a kind of like a 'don't ask, don't tell' type of attitude towards it. They even ridiculed me from ever mentioning it to my sisters of my diagnosis and meds, and therefore my sisters stayed in the dark until recently.

But even my sisters aren't much help. One also has developed the hush-hush attitude, and the other considers me schizophrenic and tells me I should never have children or else I'll give my kids bipolar disorder. These attitudes don't help and kind of make it difficult in me accepting my disorder. I mean, I do accept it but its hard to be compassionate when my own family isn't.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sorry that you have to experience this. I am very much a Christian with the whole Christian college, Christian therapy center (my therapist is a PhD in counseling but also a pastor), etc.

13 years and 2 days ago my best friend came to my house to tell me all the ways I was not acting like a Christian and that my behaviors such as using meds and therapy were preventing me from following the righteous path or something. We had a mutual friend who was a psychologist and he had my permission to talk to her about anything. I had offered to pay for us to go to counseling together near her home. Instead she had people who didn't know me vote of whether I was a Christian. She told me that the only reason my other friend stayed in my life was guilt and a sense of duty. It was pretty awful. I was suicidal and when I confronted her about upsetting someone so much when she knew they were suicidal she said it was a risk she had to take. she risked my life......

It took me years to even talk about it beyond getting her out of my life about a year later. When I did I finally realized that God gave me this illness and He also gave me grace. Yes, my yelling "F***!" last night while slamming things around was not really right but He gave me this disorder and so He knows that I'm going to act like I have it. I may not be able to tolerate church but He knows that and always did.

Going through that hurt me so much. I can't imagine how hard it must be when those aren't even your beliefs you are being smacked with. I guess what helped me was individually countering each thing that upset me with what I believed. I did it in therapy and eventually shredded the thing she wrote and deleted it from my computer. I have never looked back although sometimes I do look for her online. She was basically abusive but I miss the good times still. Just not the time she decided she was more important than my life.

[wildflowerchild25]

My mom is coming at me with this right now. I'm not Christian (I'm not anything really) and she seems to think of I just accept Jesus into my life all will be well. I'm sorry but I just don't believe. I used to. I was even starting to again after ECT last year. And then my husband died and I just can't understand the purpose in that. It's just how I feel. I love my mom, she's very supportive, but Jesus will not heal my mind of bipolar.

[xxblackrosesxx]

I think your mom really needs to accept that you have your own opinions and your own reglious views. she can't change that. you are your own person. plus i find it silly that your mom thinks that mental illness is a punishment for not following god. you can be happy without god and not be punished.

[Christopher1990]

Pastel, I have a theory about my first break at 13 being caused switching from a catholic to public school around age 12. I was brought up in that system and way of thinking, and when I met people of different beliefs, I became more curious. I began to steal and behave differently than I knew. In the past, I have thought maybe it was God's way of punishing me, but no.. There's more to it.
My brother never attended a catholic school and he never developed any mental illness. It is actually a pattern I see around my area, where kids switching from private schools usually rebelling, developing addictions and mental health problems. Sometimes, I do wonder what would of happened if I never left private school.

I can't claim to be of any religion right now, but I do have faith, and believe in a creator.

Whether you believe in a God or not, it helps many people live a longer and happier life, and I have seen this first hand. I think it is important to believe in something.
What matters is what's in your heart.

I don't know what to say about dealing with your mother, but maybe giving her plenty of information on mental illness.

[Know One]

+1 in the "you have the power to change your brain chemistry and genetics" department.

My mother is bats*** crazy and has the gall to say this to me.

Made me want to put up mirrors all over the house for her.

[Nammu]

I think sometimes other people and especially parents want to fix things so their friends and children don't hurt anymore. They honestly think that if only you accept their way of religion you will be fixed and not hurt anymore. They don't want to accept that MI is real because then they can't fix it. Its not about you, its about their own anxiety over the situation. They are axious and they want you not to hurt, to them this will solve both problems. They aren't trying to hurt you.

My mum used to think if I just went back to church everything would get better. But fortunately our church is progressive and they have adult classes that discuss such problems as MI and my mum was able to find peace and recognize that no amount of religion was going to fix the MI. She came to accept that I needed medication and that if I wanted a relationship with God it had to be in a way that makes sense to me. And I had to come to an understanding that her religion was part of who she was. We have a good relationship now but it was rocky for a long time. May your relationship with your mom grow too.