so this is pretty devistating.

recently i found out that my family had planned my nan's funeral- the songs, the bible readings, what everyone was going to say, where it was going to
be held, etc etc.

she's not dead yet, but this is horrible.

i have also been informed by them that i can't write any words to be read at the funeral, i can't attend, i can't say my final goodbyes, i can't go near
her... apparently, i'm not "family enough". (family enough, is that a word?). anyway, it is now.

i feel like i'm grieving her all ready- she's 93 years old with dimentia, and i'm not even allowed to phone and see how she's doing in what could be her
last few months, and not allowed to attend the funeral?

feel really upset about this- even more so that i didn't get any say in any of the planning

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

feel really upset about this- even more so that i didn't get any say in any of the planning

Plan your own memorial service for her, and when she passes, enact it.

I was 3000 miles away when my dad died and estranged from my family. I held my own service for him and found peace in doing so.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are not being allowed to be part of the service. I can understand that you already grieving.

I agree with BastetsMuse about having your on service, to give you closure.

[zepchic]

That's really sad; funerals are for the living to help process the death through ritual. I don't understand why they would want to exclude you from that. I like the idea of making your own ritual to honor her passing. It does seem strange to organize it all before she dies though....but maybe she has moments of clarity where she can voice her wants.

Originally Posted by BastetsMuse

Plan your own memorial service for her, and when she passes, enact it.

I was 3000 miles away when my dad died and estranged from my family. I held my own service for him and found peace in doing so.

i'm so sorry to hear about your dad

when my grandad died of skin cancer, it was the same sinario. i was told 1 morning.. oh i have some news, yesterday your grandad died- no putting it tenderly, no telling me in advance he was in hospital, that was hard on me.. it was hard suddenly finding out, a bit of a shock.. here's me thinking he's alive and well, but that wasn't the case at all.

made a promise to myself that this won't happen again, with anyone

thanks for your post

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm so sorry for your impending loss.

I agree with others who have advised you to hold your own service for her. Perhaps you could read a special Scripture that was her favorite, if she had one, or release a dove into the sky to memorialize her.

Thinking of you. ((((HUGS))))

[cakeladie]

I am so sorry they won't let you see her. More then likely they want you to remember how she was not has she is now.

I was 17 when my grandmother died and I was forced into her room after she died and had been dead a while for the priest to say the last rites. Now when I think of my grandmother I see her in that hospital bed with her ears turning blue etc. it takes me a minute to reach for another memory to replace that one. I think they might be trying to spare you that. They want you to think of the good times

Has for planning her funeral mine is planned and is almost paid for and I am 45 years old but I have lupus,RA and a few other illnesses. This will help my husband he knows my wishes and it will also help financially.

My dad died 2 years ago and he kept his illness a secret till the end. Because if that he did not want us to bare the expense of his passing and he did not want a service because he did not want any arguing

My dad died at home. And when they came to pick him up everyone left but me. I watched them bag up my dad. My mom was horrified that I did that but has his daughter I had to make sure he was treated with respect and he was

Hang in there

[Victoria'smom]

I'm to far away to attend funrals of my loved ones. I did somthing special for each one of them.

I decorate for Christmas even though I'm not here for my Grandma

I planted a tree for my hippy cousin

I go camping every summer in memory of my grandfather

Think of doing something like that instead.

[Darlingminx]

I'm so sorry ur going through this. I've been there and it sux. I agree with everyone else. U should do something that ur grandmother would like that makes u feel good. It's not gonna take the pain away but u will look back and b glad u did it.

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I'm so sorry for your impending loss.

I agree with others who have advised you to hold your own service for her. Perhaps you could read a special Scripture that was her favorite, if she had one, or release a dove into the sky to memorialize her.

Thinking of you. ((((HUGS))))

thank you, bipolar R nurse.

i think releasing a dove in to the sky is such a lovely idea

[Takeshi]

Let's get the dove! Thanks for this awesome thread. In an ironic way, the personal memorial service sounds better, and if I've read this correctly, there's still a way of contacting her if you could help from someone who can pass your message along, a written note or something on a special stationary.

After reading the post #5, I wish that you could still correspond with her in some ways. Why shouldn't you be allowed to? Sorry for the situation, and good luck for the planning.

(I'm thinking of a messenger service, with confirmation that she get your message. The few month's time may not come in few months, please take care of your grieving process as best as you could.)

i'm glad i posted this thread.

lots of good ideas

thanks guys