Bipolar and pregnancy

Hi there,
I'm a 29 yo female. Was diagnosed with bipolar years ago. I never really thought about having children before, it didn't appeal to me. But loads of my friends started having babies, then I met Mr. Nice Guy, and I catch myself thinking about it, questioning whether I would miss on something important if I don't.
A couple of days ago I did some research and found out that it would be a pretty hard pregnancy and then until recently bipolar women were advised not to have children. My health is alright more or less, and I don't take mood stabilizers continuously. I take Venlafaxine, propranolol, and benzos PRN. When I have to, I go on seroquel or lithium for a bit, but can't handle being on that stuff all the time. I do get pretty bad, but nowhere near as often as I used to when I was younger. I am more stable than not. But I hear pregnancy can really mess up your emotional state..
Anyhow, one of my best friends is a psychiatric nurse. He was not excited when I asked him about it. He saw a few women in his ward with postnatal psychosis, plus he knows me well. He said it might not be the best idea for me, though possible.
But I'm sure loads of bipolar women do have babies! So, I would like to know your opinion/experience. Quite worried to be honest

I was baby crazy in my 20's. I desperately wanted to be pregnant. I even wanted to be a surrogate for my sister when she had fertility issues.
I discussed it with my pdoc at the time. He was pretty much in the same stop everything drug wise.
I did a lot of thinking and crying. I realized that I didn't have a good enough reason to risk so much. Some women are willing to die to have a baby. I was not one of them. Nor was i willing to risk a fetus or newborn to a mentally unstable mother I could conceivably be.
So I decided that pregnancy was not for me. If I had an interested spouse, I would definitely consider foster or adoption. At 36, my biological clock occasionally pokes me, but I am at peace with my decision.
A great miracle happened. My older sister finally after years of trying became pregnant. 3 years ago on Xmas day she and her husband told us. It was a high risk pregnancy. But in August 2 1/2 years ago my niece came into the world. I always imagined a little girl with blonde hair as my child. I was startled to realize my niece is growing up to hair blonde hair.
I told my sister. I will never have a biological child, but a piece of my DNA is carried on by my niece. She is my legacy.
I guess what I am trying to say is whether pregnancy is possible or advisable or not, there are many ways to express and receive love from children. I actually think I will make a better elementary school teacher because I don't have children. I have love to spare and limited distractions.
In addition to your pdoc, you need to talk about this with your ob/gyn. Ob will need to know your mental history.
Whatever happens, try not to worry. Millions of women don't have biological children are live wonderful lives too.

I personally have opted out of motherhood. It's been a tough decision for me and my husband but I am too scared of the post partum psychosis risk. Also, I just don't want to put my potential kids through a ****ed up childhood.

My pdoc actually brought it up with me when I was in my 20s. She told me that I should know that she would support me if I ever decided to go through a pregnancy but that in my case she would advise against it because I am never stable anyway and having to be off meds would mean frequent and long hospitalizations, a high chance of post-partium issues, etc. But she also emphasized that she gets women through pregnancy frequently if that is their choice. I had to have a hysterectomy at 35 and she again made sure I knew that before the surgery if I wanted to take my one last chance she'd support me. It turns out that I was never going to get pregnant anyway because I had deformed tubes and some other problems but it was not a choice I ever tried to pursue because I knew that I personally with my lack of stability would not be a good parent, much less a single parent which the pre-hysterectomy pregnancy would have been.

Like someone said above it gives me a very special connection to my nieces. I was afraid when my sister was pregnant the first time that it would be too painful to bond with the baby and then she was born and it was amazing. One of the biggest motivations in going through the dramatic treatment I'm facing in the next few days is to be able to spend more time with my nieces and enjoy them more. I've been too sick for a year which is sad.

I was supposed to visit my sister and niece the weekend I ended up inpatient. I kept saying over and over. "What if I had gone?" I had no idea I was manic. I just didn't know. I was completely terrified. I don't ever want my niece to see me like that.
Although my pastor friend who has mental illness and a young son and visited me in the psych unit pointed out: "if she never sees you sick, never sees you battle mental illness, or get healthy, how will she know what to do if she has mental illness herself?" It's a good question I have pondered at length. If I had diabetes or any number of chronic diseases, hiding it from an adolescent would be absurd. For instance I knew my grandma had celiac Sprue long before I could spell it. But mental illness seems different somehow.
By only presenting shiny, happy auntie all the time and hiding when I'm not, couldn't I end up continuing the stigma of mental illness in my own family? I spent years as a teen horrifically depressed but my parents refused to get me or themselves help.
So I guess linking back to the original question. What about babies and small children as a parent or close adult? I know a lot of us had bad childhoods, so how do we help make better ones for the kids in our lives without presenting fake facade of utter wellness?

My niece is 5. She is aware that I have health problems and that I don't work and need to live by my mom for help. I know I sleep a lot during the day and don't sleep well at night. Just recently she has started noticing my face is sad and that kind of thing. I want her to grow up knowing that this is part of my life and my sister and I have discussed how important I think it is for this to be a matter of fact part of her life (since she was a fetus in fact). So we talk at dinner about my needing medication or my therapist says or whatever. If she asks about a mood she's noticing I tell her how I feel. My sister gives more information when needed, in manageable amounts. We're going to use the movie Inside Out as a talking point, I suspect soon since she's asking more now and she saw it with me for the specific reason that we'll discuss things that way.

Honestly she takes it in stride the same way she did when I had ankle reconstruction surgery and spent 4 months in a cast or walking boot. Her friend had broken his leg so she knew about casts and even requested a pink one, which she got. Her whole life I've either had a brace on or been recovering from surgery or just have to be a little careful of that ankle and she's so used to it that she was sitting on my leg while I was squatting the other day and she actually asked if she was on the leg that could hold her.

I figure mental illness will be the same and I'm glad for that. It should be an open part of our family. We have bipolar in both our father and our maternal grandma and possibly some cousins. Depression and anxiety run wild on one side. Her father has depression and anxiety too. And honestly my niece is very, very, very much like me in ways that raise eyebrows sometimes among the adults. She needs to know. Her risk just on family history is higher than usual and she needs to know always that she should never just take ADs but needs a psychiatrist who knows the family history and monitors for mania; she needs to know it could happen but not in a way that scares her, and she needs to know who I am. Bipolar is part of that.

(On the other hand we won't be discussing the PTSD until she's an adult so maybe I'm something of a hypocrit. I'm not sure but I think that's just too much for her really ever).

Thank you all for replying. I have to admit, I was hoping for some happy ending stories.. but life is life.
My sister's children are pretty much adults, so I don't have that to look for.
I am.. sad. Very sad.
As I mentioned earlier, it's not something I ever thought of before. And having it crash on me like that is pretty harsh. Apart from everything, I am under ridiculous pressure from my parents to have babies. Mind, they don't believe in mental illness, which makes things somewhat difficult.
Anyhow, it hurts. It f**ng hurts.

You can have a baby if you want. If you really want to be a mom don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

I was undiagnosed with BiPolar II symptoms when I had my daughter in 2009. At the time of my pregnancy, I had just started taking Lexapro for anxiety and immediately ditched it when I learned that I was pregnant. My pregnancy was amazing- I managed to stay in a calm state that bordered on hypomania (but I was able to sleep with no problem) throughout the pregnancy. I was very strict with my diet and exercise during the pregnancy. Looking back, pregnancy was without a doubt one of the best things to ever happen to me. (Yes I threw up constantly until I was 12 weeks pregnant so it wasn't the easiest experience).
After having my daughter, a lot of things lucked out for me. I had a lot of help from friends, my husband at the time was very supportive in helping me get up at night for feedings and changing the baby's diaper prior to feedings, and my mother-in-law was very supportive.
As my daughter got older (around six months), my husband became very indifferent to our daughter. He started commenting that she was "boring" and complained that she couldn't do anything. More of the parenting responsibilities fell on me.
When my daughter was 3 and a half and was starting potty training- the stress of it (did not cause) but contributed to my inpatient hospitalization for six weeks. I was very fortunate to have a strong level of family support during that time. I was also protected under FMLA for my job and qualified for short-term disability insurance payments through my employer.
Fast forward five years- my daughter is the light of my life. I couldn't possibly imagine my life without her. She keeps me motivated, and has taught me so much about myself. I am very lucky that she has an easy-going nature and doesn't have any special needs.
Things with her Dad did not work out, and he now lives in another state and I have full custody. I didn't imagine that outcome for my daughter when she was born.
If I had a bipolar diagnosis at the time of my pregnancy, I am not sure if I would have chosen to have a child. One of my fears was that I would inherit my mother's schizophrenia, and I originally planned to have kids when I was older and past the point of getting a diagnosis.

A few things to consider:
1). What type of parenting approach do you and your parent have? How involved does your partner want to be? How is he around kids? What values does he want to pass down? How well does that pass down?
2). What is your support system? What role will they play with post-partum depression? How much can they realistically help you with your child?
3). What is your plan if you get hospitalized? How are savings? Do you have a job with short-term disability coverage, or can you purchase a policy? Are you covered under FMLA?
4). Do you plan on working? Can you get by on one income? If you work- what are your daycare or family options? Having a great daycare is an excellent peace of mind, but it's also very expensive for an infant.
5). Do you have a good ob-gyn for high-risk pregnancy? If not, you may want to shop around.

In short, no one is ever truly ready to be a parent.

But you can be bipolar, survive set-backs and still love being a parent. My friends tell me that I'm great mom. I do my best at it.