[BPgf]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?

[Keegan2015]

A) I really have no idea if they were longer or shorter because I didn't even recognize them as "episodes." I suppose they were much longer though, without treatment.

B) See above.

C) Manic.

D) I don't tend to cycle within episodes, I'm either manic or depressed.

E) It's a long story as far as why I finally went in to seek treatment. Basically I was involved in a car accident in the middle of a manic episode (ran myself over with my own car... like I said... long story), I didn't get hurt that badly but that was when my family realized something was up and made me go see a shrink.

F) I always did very well in school / work. It greatly damaged my relationship with my family for a long time because I was severely irate, enraged and unpredictable around them. I also drank very heavily.

G) I was not on antidepressants prior to being diagnosed. The only antidepressant I've ever taken is Trazodone, when I initially began medication my manic symptoms were not reduced, in fact they seemed to become worse -- this may have been because of the trazodone, but I can't say for sure. I no longer take trazodone and I actively avoid taking ADs, I stopped seeing a former psychiatrist a few months back because he was insisting that I go on ADs and I was wary of them.

Originally Posted by BPgf

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?

A-Long and seasonal.

B-Depression in the winter (deep dark depressions) hypo in the spring by late July-August pretty manic.

C-Solidly up or down. With meds I cycle more but it's not as way up or way down.

D-A pretty bad psychosis, I lost touch with reality.

E-Oh lots of loss of friendships. Lots of fighting with my family it was hard. Did pretty good in college until I just became overwhelmed. Lots of jobs that lasted 1-2 yrs. Didn't hold down jobs long.

F-I was on AD's and old school ad's for sleep since I had my son. But when I went into the psychosis I wasn't taking them. But I had been on them on and off.

[B2008]

My family went through hell
But they still love me.
Antidepressant made me double insane we gave up for 6 years
(8 years total since noticeable onset symptom )
No friendships
Work was a good distraction
Very self destructive but had two mouths to feed so was able to keep it hush hush
Husband saved me and remains loyal to a fault (I think he should run)
Haven't been able to work for 4 years
Bad episode which led to a stare down with gun cabinet for an hour decided it was time to try to get help again.
Now finally diagnosed n on meds n all is well!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[seoultous]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?
My episodes of depression were much longer. They lasted months rather than days

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?
Mini hypomanic. Large depressive.

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?
Depressive.

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?
I had no memory of cycling. I think it was because I attributed my highs to just having a really good day.

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?
A really bad episode led me to a therpist and to my primary care physician for meds. The pcp gave me an antidepressant which did me no good. I finally asked to see a psychiatrist and he made the diagnosis.

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?
I was either too tired to do anything or so irritable that I was swearing and throwing things around which was hard on my young children. I will never forgive myself for letting them see me that way. I was in a graduate program that I had to leave because I was so unstable.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you? One antidepressant made me manic. That sealed my diagnosis.

[cashart10]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short? My depressive episodes were dark and long (but not worse...everything has gotten worse since my psychotic break...meds haven't helped). I can remember hypo mania only in hindsight so I'd say they were shorter.

Did you have mini episodes and large ones? When I was a teenager until early 20's I was consistantly unwell. Then I was better until my late twenties except for episodes in hindsight. So, I would imagine that during that period of wellness they were short.

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic? psychotic depression

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down? Up or Down

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization? I had a psychotic break and there was no denying my insanity.

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc? The anger and moodiness I had when manic was so hard on my children (especially my oldest). They didn't know if they would be embraced or screamed at. They saw me talking and laughing at people/things that weren't there. They saw me frequently cry (that mascara streaked, desperate type of crying) when mixed. It was hard on my husband because I became so reclusive. I was constantly taking irrationally long showers, long drives, retreating to dance and listen to music. I would also scream and throw things at him...occassionally in front of our children. One thing that medication has reigned in is my temper (thank God). I lost a lot of friends during depressions--but, I have 2 very close friends that have stuck with me since high school and before. I didn't have severe bp until my psychotic break 3 1/2 years ago. I was already a stay at home mom at that point so it didn't effect my job at all.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you? I was on an anti-depressant in high school and it made me manic. I took another one (that didn't have that effect) after that until I saw a different doctor who correctly diagnosed me with bp and put me on a mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic. I took the meds until I was about 20 when I became "healed".

[wiretwister]

mostly up during my religious faze and school ... many years ... my ping pong ball time ... been depressed for many years pre and post treatment ..

lexapro put me ip ... did it affect my life ... maybe ... have been self destructive most my life ... from bp ... no idea ...

[Mountainbard]

1. I spent over 40 years undiagnosed and then misdiagnosed. My episodes got longer and more severe over the years.

2.Pretty much equal instances of both, but the depressions were really long and severe (which led to my being misdiagnosed with MDD.)

3. Always up and down, with brief periods of stabliity in between.

4. More the gradual realization, I guess. Things kept getting worse and worse even with treatment with SNRI's. My last depression was 2 years long, and I was a year into it before I sought treatment. Fortunately I was treated by a crackerjack PNP who recognized me as bipolar II.

5. In a word the effects were devastating, as you might imagine with 40 years of no diagnosis, and then erroneous diagnosis. I eventually ended up homeless, since I'd quit yet another job and my wife couldn't deal with it anymore. We later reconciled and she is a great support for me today.

6. AD's inevitably made me hypomanic.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short? I don't remember. I remember one summer of the only sustained euphoric mania I ever had (4 months of amazing joy) and I remember being depressed a lot. I also remember being off meds for 6 or 8 months and being stable. When bipolar set in for real it was with a pretty long NOT euphoric manic period.

Did you have mini episodes and large ones? I don't remember. I was terrified of the idea I could have bipolar b/c I associated it with my father and so anything that looked bipolar I hid

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?Mostly depression except for the 2 hypomanic episodes above. My wonderful, oh-so-happy summer....aside from barely sleeping all summer but even that was a gift; as a camp counselor someone often needed to be awake and I was great at it

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?not a clue

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?I saw a psychiatrist through grad school until he died about the time of my first hypomania in the cycle that continues today happened. I stayed on ADs for years but was treated by family drs. who just kept changing doses and meds. I finally saw another pdoc about 3 years later but she didn't think it was possible to have bipolar and have achieved what I had. So she didn't diagnose me. Eventualy I became quite suicidal and she put me on lithium to treat that. It made the ups and downs more visible and so I became aware of them more and started suspecting. I had to see a specialist in bipolar for a real diagnosis because she couldn't do it since she didn't know people can function with bipolar.

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc? too many ways to begin to describe. Lots of hurt feelings with family on both sides. I got through grad school with good grades but not good relationships with my professors who thought I wasn't stable enough to be able to work (ironic for people who are supposed to help people with disabilities succeed). I didn't really know that you could succeed with bipolar until long after grad school despite having a degree in a psych related field and a BS in psych. I lost all my friends along the way pretty much, most accidentally just b/c I wasn't well enough to remain engaged when I should have.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you? 11 different ones, all doses of each. Some caused hypomania, some pooped out one dose at a time until they were no good. The effects of ADs were never considered until I was diagnosed and told no more SSRIs ever and avoid other ADs until I was more stable and that they had probably caused damage. I so wish I could go back in time and not try so many under unskilled doctors. But there was no way to know.

I was 45 when I was diagnosed Bipolar - this after two hospitalizations (one I was obviously in psychosis the second I was manic).

In hindsite, I see events, situations, and periods of my life where the diagnosis explains things like my behaviour. I ought to have been treated a long long time ago and wonder where my life would be now had I been emotionally stable. I both regret and to an extent resent I never recieved treatment earlier.

Originally Posted by BPgf

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?

1) My episodes were shorter, but I had a lot more of them/cycled much quicker

2) I had a few large ones (longest manic was a month, longest depression was about 6 months) and lots of shorter ones in between.

3) It was mostly depression.

4) I did cycle within episodes, especially longer ones

5) It was a pretty bad psychotic episode (no mood symptoms though). I was talking to my mother about some of my experiences and she took me to the doctors.

6) I was still in high school. I isolated myself from friends and family and my school work suffered. I couldn't handle working part time like many of my peers.

7) Yes, I only tried Lexapro and it did send me into my longest manic episode.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?
My depressive episodes were MUCH longer. Some lasted months, many lasted years (2-4 years at a time).

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?
Mostly large depressive episodes, which I was acutely aware of. In hindsight, though I didn't recognize it at the time, I did have hypomanic episodes that would last for a month or so every now and again.

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?
Mostly depressions with some hypomania. I still have a hard time recognizing episodes in my past - I'm not sure whether some of the times I was ragefully angry were really manic episodes, per se, because they were generally limited in time (a few hours to a few days, perhaps). I still have a hard time recognizing the hypo/mania because I feel like I should feel really good/high at those times; it's hard to accept that my highs are often just extremely irritable and angry episodes that lead to a serious tumble down.

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?
Large parts of my depressive episodes were pretty solidly down, but I have almost always been able to put on a good face with it outside of the home. I feel like it's almost forced hypomania sometimes (like if I have to attend a public party or something), which leads to a deeper low when I can 'turn off' the public face. My anxiety and agitation when I'm up can crash into depression pretty quickly, so I would say there is a fair bit of cycling within episodes in my past, even though the ups were short-lived relative to the downs.

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?
I went to a therapist for anxiety and a feeling of being out of control of my emotions. Things that seemed like I should be able to take them in stride would cause me to break down emotionally into tears - much of it related to grief from my dad's death (I thought). It was embarrassing. So I found a therapist for CBT to help me with that. The more we talked through things, though, the more it became apparent that I was struggling with more than I realized. When we finally got to the BP2 diagnosis, it was terrifying (from family history) and a relief to learn that many of the things that I just thought were weird quirks of mine were actually symptoms of BP (pressured speech, the anxiety, the uncontrollable urges, the hypo behaviors, and even the depression).

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?
My work life was relatively unaffected. I do work from home, and sometimes I don't put in as much work as I should because I find it so hard to motivate to do anything. Other times, though, I'll put in 12-14 hour days for specific projects with deadlines. The kind of work I do sort of plays to the BP cycle in that way, but I think it probably also promotes a little bit of instability because I have to put in those longer hours when they come up, which can lead to a natural low afterwards - sort of a recovery time. As for friends, I have a really hard time staying in touch once I'm away from whatever situation led to the friendship (geography, school, work, etc.). I only have a couple of really good friends, and the rest I know I wouldn't keep in touch with on my own. Only two of my friends are aware of my BP. I know the depressive episodes and the anxiety and pressured speech while I'm hypo have led to lapsed friendships. That's one reason why I don't try to make too many friends in the first place. As for family, the irritability and anger was always an issue for me growing up with my siblings. I was not allowed to display it at home, particularly around my parents, so I got in trouble for that and learned to bottle everything up and stay silent. As I got older, this carried over into my marriage. It made it nearly impossible to discuss anything real I felt. The depressive episodes took a major toll on my marriage, as did the irritability when I was hypo. It sucks that I was depressive during the first 4 years of my son's life and practically the first 8 of my daughter's, with a few hypo episodes intermixed. There was never really much stability in there. I would explode with anger when I got overwhelmed, and my reactions were horrible for my kids. The last couple of years since my DX have been so much better. I've learned to discuss where I am and how I'm feeling with my husband, which has helped tremendously with our marriage. It's also helped to significantly shorten my episodes - I think part of the reason the depressions used to be so long is that any energy I could muster during those times I used up trying to pretend I wasn't depressed. Denying it prolonged it.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?
My post-partum depression was untreated after my daughter. I took ADs after I had my son for PPD, because the PPD was much worse and I remembered that it never really got better in the 4 years between the two of them. The ADs (from my general practitioner) just made me completely apathetic. No emotions at all - my husband was never sure that was any better than the depression. I'm not sure, either. It was still awful. I stopped those after awhile (6-8 months, maybe? could have been longer...). Since then, I haven't taken any prescriptions, but my therapist suggested I try a natural supplement that some people have success with. They are working for me, so I take them twice a day. I forgot once for a couple of weeks, and the up and down cycles hit me pretty hard before I remembered that I stopped taking them. I'm pretty consistent about it now. Between the supplements and the CBT I had with my therapist, I can now recognize some of the physical manifestations of my cycles (anxiety, particularly) when they happen, but I don't get the mental aspect of it a lot of the time - I used to have internal 'stories' that went along with my anxiety, but they're mostly gone now. For example, when my anxiety levels rose, I would start to worry about someone I love getting in a car accident, or imagine someone coming to my door to tell my my child/husband/etc. had died. These were pretty vivid. Now, I feel just the tension and physical parts of the anxiety. I recognize that it's happening in my body, but it doesn't happen in my mind so much anymore. On the depression side of the scale, I still get it, but it's limited often to a couple of days or a week or two, maybe, and it's not a consistent low - I still can feel normal parts of those days sometimes. That's not to say it's all gone - I still get times of being hypo and times of being depressed, but it's usually not as extreme as it once was. I'm hopeful this can last. I'm also feeling pretty stable right this minute, so I imagine that's coloring a bit of my descriptions here.

[newtothis31]

I was diagnosed with BiPolar after I turned 30. Looking back, I started to show depressive symptoms as a child (starting at about age 6), and started to exhibit bipolar symptoms at around 16.

Initially, my episodes were so short that they were hard to detect. When I was 16-21, I was able to highly function on very little sleep. They'd last around 3-6 days, I would be level headed for a month or two- then I'd go into a hypo-manic drive.

Once I turned 22- I started experiencing more depression and anxiety and these spells lasted for a couple of months. I had very little hypo-mania until I had a psychotic break when I turned 30.

I cycled- I had hypomania with work and depression with everything else.

I sought treatment when I had a bad extended episode- it esculated to the point where I could no longer take care of myself or my daughter. I stopped eating and sleeping, lost about 35 pounds in a month, and started having delusions.

Being undiagnosed- I had a lot of social anxiety, very depressed, was hard to be around. I was also being verbally abused by my husband so I was very isolated. On the plus side- when the hypomania came- I was very focused at work and it allowed me to advance.

I took Lexpro briefly when I was 28 and decided that something that was wrong. Had no affect on me. I stopped it when I began pregnant.

[cmorales]

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?
Longer, it seems. Though I'm pretty sure it varied.

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?
If by "mini" you mean lasing about a week and a half to two weeks, then yes. If by longer you mean rapid cycling, then yes.

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?
It was back and forth. A lot of mixed episodes, dysphoric manias and agitated depression.

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?
I'm not quite sure I understand this question. I was mixed a lot in my teens and early, mid-twenties.

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?
Gradual realization. In reality, I never thought I'd get help because I had no insurance and no money, but then my cousin told me about a free clinic and they helped me get on meds and insurance.

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?
Gradually ruined some friendships, garnered a bad reputation, got kicked out of college and nearly drank myself to death by 22.

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?
I wasn't on an AD until I went to the free clinic. Citalopram. It zonked me out a bit for a long while. Or maybe it was the co-medicine, Abilify, that did it... I don't know for sure.

[Christopher1990]

I don't recall any symptoms before I was dx. I just remember being happy all the time, having plenty of friends, and everything came pretty easy. I did have lots of energy and puberty hit fast.
I was only 13 when dx, though.

Maybe I have blanked out episodes as a child.
I do remember some very intense emotional scenes, but there are few and wouldn't consider them abnormal.

Everyone says I was the easiest child ever and always happy.

However, I would always hold in many challenges I never quite learned to deal with properly, acting as if everything was fine, and always pushing myself. So when I had my break, it all came out at once.

This makes me question my dx and where this all came from. I don't believe it's genetics. Definitely environmental, at least for me.

Am I the only one here without symptoms before there first dx?

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by BPgf

Were your episodes longer or shorter? How long or short?

Did you have mini episodes and large ones?

Was it mostly depression or mostly (hypo)manic?

Did you cycle within a given episode or was it pretty solidly up or down?

Was it a really bad episodes that made you seek treatment, or the gradual realization?

What effect did your undiagnosed/untreated bipolar have on your family, friends, work life, school life, etc?

Were you on antidepressants? If so, did they make you manic or did they simply poop out on you?

I have no idea how long my episodes were. I didn't even know that I had them to be honest. I just remember being happy sometimes and sad sometimes.

Now, I can't really tell you how long my episodes are until they get really bad. Then I know. It's really only the past maybe three years that I have been paying way more attention to these mood shifts. But I still don't pay attention to how long or short.

Mostly depression, as far as I know. The hypomanic phases don't stick out because I guess I was just really happy and having a good time. Depression sticks out. You know and remember that feeling.

Mostly when it is starting to get bad is when I seek treatment. I can tell when I need to see a pdoc for help versus a T for help. Last year it was so bad after I had done both and still could not function, I knew I needed way more help than either one of those could do much longer.

Prediagnosis I had no idea why things happened the way they did. But looking back it makes sense why I gained and lost way too many friends over the years. My relationships with my family members was so up and down (luckily now they are the best they have been in a long time). I had started and quit school several times (finally graduated, woohoo!). And I job hopped a lot. In my early 20s, if I stayed at a job longer than a year, it was a miracle!

I was original diagnosed with MDD, like many others have. I was prescribed Xanax to calm down the anger, irritability, and anxiety until my prescription for Paxil kicked in. I didn't realize it then, but I think it did make me hypomanic. After I started feeling better, I decided I didn't need them anymore and moved out to the Midwest with my boyfriend. Go figure. And of course it didn't work out..