[bbTofu]

I hurt. It's here again, the 'black dog' has arrived again.

I'm considering taking bunch of Ritalins to help me up, like 4*10mg would help I think, anyone ever did this?
I remember I once took 3*10mg and felt very very hyper.

I know it should pass, probably will.
I know the smartest thing is to let go and just be with whatever comes up, whatever sensations/emotions/thoughts - it's too painful though. I want my happy-buzzing-energy back, I need it. It's too heavy.

Can you talk to your psych anytime soon? Hope you feel better.

I'd be too scared to take uppers. I'm already naturally up on my own. I would worry about a heart attack, lol. I don't think you should. Are you prescribed Ritalin? Why not have coffee.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I never think it's a good idea to change meds by yourself when you're messed up. But I know it's tempting. Think of the consequences. The aftermath. The crash.

I highly advise against it. Every time I take any type of stimulant I fall into the deepest crash. It'll just make it worse, and you'll be staying up all night grinding your teeth regretting you took it.

[bbTofu]

I'm prescribed Ritalin for college days/exams.

I went out drank bottle of beer, talked to people.
I'm glad I drank. It doesn't hurt as much.

I'm already a mess, how worse can it be at least I'll feel higher

[jules77]

i know that feeling right now. i'm not really depressed but i just want a distraction, something to make more social and out there as i'm a transfer student at a college where everyone already knows each other. I had a history using those kinds of drugs when i was at college a few years before, so it's a bit of deja-vu. this is how i know I really need to buckle down on taking care of myself and NOT give in. it is so hard. we're here for support.

[pearlys]

Hang in there, it will pass. You have any prn besides ritalin? And someone to talk too?

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by bbTofu

I'm prescribed Ritalin for college days/exams.

I went out drank bottle of beer, talked to people.
I'm glad I drank. It doesn't hurt as much.

I'm already a mess, how worse can it be at least I'll feel higher

So see that's good - getting some company and people to talk to helped you feel a bit better.
Don't expect to feel great all the time or you'll end up so disappointed.
If you're gonna take an extra Ritalin, just make sure to still keep your sleep cycle steady.
Hang in there, moods go up and down yanno?

[bbTofu]

I've cried in front of my therapist, first time for years, even if it's just few tears.
I asked her if I could see the psych today, they gave me an appointment for next Wednesday only, instead of waiting next week at least.. I guess that's good.

I could barely talk to her, I hurt so much.

recorded little something, just a melody that somewhat describes the sadness I feel.

I only play for 2 months so expect mistakes.

BlueInanna I know they go up and down, I just want it to lighten up a bit to make it more tolerable, I just...want to breathe w/out feeling these heavy stones inside.

[BlueInanna]

That was beautiful thanks for sharing. I wished I knew how to play piano. 2 months onlu wow, you must have some natural talent. I used to play guitar but I was never that great.
I know you're seeking relief and I wish you relief and joy and happiness. But I've been there with the stimulants and I'm embarrassed I misused them. I really hope you won't because I just see it leading to more problems.