Getting tested?

I think I'd like a re-evaluation or something. I've been going over my diary over the past two years and I'm not sure that I'm bipolar. I think I may just have BPD. Over the past year, depending on the doctor, ive been diagnosed with one or the other, or both. Basing things solely on my diary though, I don't really see clear cycles. I just am whatever I am depending on my environment. If my life is crappy then I'm depressed. If things are going good, I'm usually good. If things are going good, but I'm stressed about other stuff, then I can be depressed. I've never had my mood change on its own. It's always a direct result of what's going on. How do I get evaluated? Should I even bother?

It's possible since some of the symptoms overlap and look similar. But then again, looking back it may be hard to really see if they were caused by something or not. I don't know about you, but I tend to be more likely to write in my journal after an event that made me upset. Good or bad. The mood shifts that occur on their own, well there isn't really anything to write down, so it rarely gets "documented."

You're right. This is just so confusing. I feel like maybe I should just give up, accept the diagnosis, and just comply with the treatment. I just feel so uneasy, because I don't know for sure. I feel like I'll never know for sure, and I'm just wasting my time.

Don't beat yourself up! Accept it for what it is and see what happens. Appointments with your pdoc and t will help you see for sure. If you want a more in-depth test, I say go for it.

You were right. The hardest part is being patient. Every time I tell myself to just relax and see how things play out I get freaked out because I don't really know. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with knowing what's going on with me 100 percent, but I am. It consumes a large part of my day. I feel like I can't fully move on until I know for sure. I know it's stupid, and I'm hoping that medication may help me to stop obsessing. I know my ultimate goal is to get better no matter what the illness is.

It's not stupid to be thinking this way. I'm sure we've all had that obsession of asking why at some point or the other. I know I have. It really is difficult, but post as much on this forum as you need to, it's a very supportive community. And you will get better!

If it bothers you that much, by all means, get tested.
I started on Lithium a few days ago and I reseach it.
Great for mania and sui ideation. Good for depression on it's own or with an AD.
Didn't find anything for obsession. You may need another med as an add on.
BTW, I was on 900 mg until yesterday. Today 600mg. 900 mg is too much for my old
(almost a corspe) body. Good luck with your quest.

Imo, I say get tested. For me personally I don't think I would have accepted my bp diagnosis if I hadn't taken all those tests in the hospital. I think you need a psychologist with a PhD to do the testing. But in the meantime...please keep taking your lithium.

Are you in DBT therapy? You can go to a psychologist and ask to be fully evaluated specifically for personality disorders. The difference between the two is meds and therapy or therapy and meds. BPD takes meds too just in a different sequence. ASk your pdoc and t why they've chose BP over BPD or both and what are the med suppose to help with. It sounds like you're iffy on the meds.

I'm iffy on the meds for sure. I'm iffy on the diagnosis. I'm just iffy on everything. I'm not in DBT. I was going to be, but then my latest diagnosis was bipolar and not BPD, so I didn't sign up. I just want to know for sure one way or the other. I think I will see a psychologist and discuss what I'm going through.

Good idea...

It doesn't hurt to do DBT if you don't have BPD.

I feel so silly, because I was all set to start. Then I was put on medication and assumed I just needed talk therapy.