So I was diagnosed with Bipolar a couple months ago, (Bipolar 1 as of a few weeks ago) and have only told a few friends. On the surface they seem supportive but I get the feeling that they are testing me. It's hard to tell if these are justified concerns or just obsessive/invasive thoughts. Throughout my manic episode I kept trying to explain myself and my behavior, desperately rationalizing it and even "tracing" it back to my childhood, basically attempting to assimilate my symptoms into my personality because I didn't understand the things I was seeing my thoughts and behavior. I constantly have resurfacing thoughts or beliefs that my friends don't believe me, they are analyzing the things that I say, monitoring my responses or all talking about me behind me back, etc. Other than my mom my friends were my only support system and I've known most of them since middle school (some before) and it's really painful and sometimes aggravating to think they don't believe me or support me.

As I'm writing this it helps me distance myself from it. But the "external" or "real" problem with this sort of coping mechanism is that I know I made a lot of claims when I was in that unhealthy state of mind. I made these grandiose claims/opposing claims/different claims to all of my closest friends about what kind of person I was. I thought this was a 'coming into my own' sort of realization when I was really just experiencing the onset of bipolar. I told them I had asperger's, I was abused, no I'm lesbian, no I'm a man, I'm a sociopath?, it just escalated as I started to doubt what I was saying more and more. Obviously I am also dealing with a weak sense of self but I'm afraid when I told them "I have bipolar" they think this is another one of those claims, or even worse a lie to cover up my recent strange behavior.

I've been on Trileptal for a few weeks now, I'm now taking the full dose but I still can't get these thoughts out of my head. And sometimes if they stir long enough I feel like I'm not even on the medicine anymore because I've worked up so much self doubt and anxiety. It's making it really difficult to rebuild my relationships with anyone because I keep isolating myself to avoid saying the wrong thing or worry about saying the right thing and the initial regret I feel afterwards. I keep doing things like tracing where the symptoms started, what triggered it, etc. but I think I'm making it worse in my attempt to absolve or "cancel out" these thoughts.

I know, logically, that if they don't express their support in the ways I want that isn't their fault, they are 19/20 yo and none of us, including me, are equipped to deal with this. AND if they didn't support me, they shouldn't matter, right? That can't be my responsibility but it sure feels like it sometimes. But right now I'm just in limbo. I don't feel comfortable getting in touch or staying in touch with all of my friends right now, but I also don't want to avoid them or deal with this alone. I would also like to add this is ONLY with my friends. They did see the worst of my manic episode but I don't experience this sort of anxiety with any other people regardless of if they saw me in that state or not.

Any advice on dealing with this?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Therapy.
A good cocktail of Meds from Pdoc.
Support group.

[wiretwister]

not saying this out load but xanex was a wonder drug for me to get a handle ... use very little now sometimes for turning my brain off , for sleep ... it got me through some really rough times ... gave the other meds the time to work ...

[Wanderlust90]

Sorry for hijacking the post but I agree with you wiretwister. Xanax truly worked miracles for me, now they just won't prescribe it, or any other benzos. I'm actually really bothered that it's so tightly controlled. I feel like I'm being denied treatment due to the inability of others to control themselves.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wanderlust90

Sorry for hijacking the post but I agree with you wiretwister. Xanax truly worked miracles for me, now they just won't prescribe it, or any other benzos. I'm actually really bothered that it's so tightly controlled. I feel like I'm being denied treatment due to the inability of others to control themselves.

I saw a diff pdoc a wk ago because I was going through something and freaking out. His first thing to say was that he's taking away my Ativan! Never going back to him. I refuse. I will see my regular pdoc even though the appointment isn't until the 14th.

However to the OP, Either you are overthinking this and it's turned into OCD behavior or your friends are indeed acting different towards you. Either get on something to stop the intrusive thoughts or dump your friends. I find that the more I try to explain myself to my "normal" family and friends, the crazier they think I am! So I learned my lesson that I will keep my MI to myself and pdocs or just answer if I'm asked. It's a shame but I have lost some people because they here BP and immediately think "crazy". Those aren't the type of people I need to be around. It hurts, it sucks, but it's the truth. So be careful what you admit to people who aren't prepared. And be careful that you don't alienate yourself because of this anxiety too. Talk about it with your mental health team and see if you can try a med like a PRN benzo. Trileptal is a great med (I'm also on it) however it doesn't stop my negative thoughts. When I start to think about these things, usually when I'm trying to sleep, I tell myself to stop it and try my best to think about a neutral subject.



I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

[violetgreen]

Find a good therapist, someone to help you put this experience into perspective. Don't try to manage your friends impressions about you, it doesn't work anyway.

[Victoria'smom]

Find a good therapist. Let your friends reach out to you. They have to adjust too. Some wont be able to but your true friends will shine through.

Appreciate the responses, talked to pdoc and we are upping dose? dk how helpful that will be but a couple friends reached out to me and it was a relief