[violetgreen]

I'm on medical leave from my teaching gig, long story, and today I accepted a lovely part-time job at a local non-profit organization and I plan on "retiring" from the soul-killing job at the end of the school year. I'm so excited by this new direction. My friends and daughters are happy for me, too.

So, husband comes home, my accepting this job is no surprise, but no words of congratulations. Name calling!! Threats!!! "You have to figure out how much you cost and cover it!!!" He is acting sicker than I am!

So, I'm practicing some of my DBT skills, using an easy manner in response, not apologizing for disagreeing, believing in my choice, and staying strong and truthful. This takes a strong stomach. I have a long history of codependency. Sigh. Not easy. Glad I can post here.

[DesigningWoman]

I am so sorry. I have very serious codependency problems myself.
However, It sounds to me like you are doing well though. You have a clear enough head to recognize the situation, realize what it is triggering, and apply things you learned in therapy. Now you are reaching out for support from like minded individuals. I know you feel bad, and that stinks. But I would guess that you have made great progress with your therapy. Would you have been able to do any of these things prior? I know I struggle mightily with these.
Perhaps the takeaway doesn't need to be about him or his behavior but about you and yours. You stood up for yourself while trying to remain calm and used what you have learned to take care of yourself. The people around you don't always appreciate progress or growth. But in the long run that is not your problem.
Keep working. Treat yourself well. Know you have support and are not alone.

[violetgreen]

Thank you so much for your kind words of support! That really helps.

[Roaming_bird]

Good for you! These situations make me scared. I hate confrontation, and I tend to take on responsibility that isn't mine.

Not that I'm helping, but please know you're not alone in this.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yeah. Say silently to yourself, "screw you, you hateful,hurtful pig.
I hate you when you act like this. I think you are ignorant. "!

[violetgreen]

I'm such a peacemaker, and like Roaming bird, I HATE conflict! But, Ocean Swimmer, your suggestions made me giggle and grin. I'll try that approach when we talk household budget stuff this weekend. I'd rather feel mad than anxious, and then trying to keep that easy manner...not easy.