[AncientMelody]

What I mean is this: a lot of us enjoy hypomania (I do, it's the only time I'm not exhausted!!). But have you found that, either in general, or in a couple particular instances, that hypomania has truly benefitted your life, whether it was for work, your family, etc? That it wasn't distructive?

I'm pretty energized right now and expect a late night. I've been floating between hypomania and quite a bit of low right now (I wouldn't call my lows depression at the moment. But work has been intensely stressful and wearing me down).

There is so much going on during the day I feel like to go to bed on time all the time I am just barely surviving. Like I don't have a chance for any true THOUGHTS until later.

And my family, we're struggling right now. I worry about the longterm safety of my job. Another private family practice clinic might bite the dust . I think my husband is struggling with depression right now. He's not prone to mental health troubles like I am and it did not even occur to me until tonight. But now it just..FITS. And top of that my 5 year old is struggling in kindergarten. I feel like me need to turn this ship around and NOW.

So there are all these things that I genuinely need to do to improve the well being of myself and my family. 1) I want to write a letter to my husband offering my support. I feel that he's been giving me signals for help and I haven't seen them. (would be easier if he could have said "HELP!" but whatever). I feel he will hear my words better from a letter than from my mouth.

I want to organize my schedule better. Get an outline of what I need to be doing to get ready in the morning and when. Writing things down on paper helps. My art has been the only thing giving me life so doing a stylized calender or chart may help more. But again, no time to do during the day.

I also want to write a letter for my next psychiatrist visit. I haven't seen her since November due to schedule glitches. It's a pretty important visit because I want to discuss several things

1) physical health update: coming close to getting my sleep disorder finally diagnosed and treated (yay!)

2) Discussion of my possible hypomanias and what I suspect was close to a full manic event three years ago

3) My art. I just really started painting and drawing seriously around the turn of the new year. I do not exaggerate when I say it has kept me alive.

4) My concerns about my husband and how to be on the "other side of the coin" supporting someone else's mental health.

So anyway, my thing, is as long as I'm not letting myself stay up two or three days on end......as long as I push myself out of bed and to work (I've never missed a day even when in my bad depression or anxiety so I think this is doable)......is there any compelling reason why NOT to stay up and get this done when I have energy and life?

[jacky8807]

Some of my hypo is productive so I get things DONE! LOL
Buthe that's only some of my hypes ....others I spin.things UNDONE lol

My hypo-mania came in handy one time when i was offered the opportunity to learn computer programming on the job. If i hadn't been hm i would have turned it down but full of bonhomie and chutzpah my hypo-manic self said yes, yes, yes. It turned out okay -- i had a grueling year of learning but i made myself into a pretty badass programmer. Many times i thought i would have to give up but then i would just say, Try for five more minutes. Five minutes would turn into hours and then it was time to go home. I wrote a real successful app in which i created the picture file data type before Microsoft did. It was a rudimentary implementation and we ended up abandoning it but it was a lot of fun. So, in that instance, hm was helpful but on the whole it's more likely to be destructive.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

Sort of. I become more efficient if i have structure.

But if i have no structure, guidelines, or support from an outsider, then i tend to put my energies into things that just move me horizontally as opposed to vertically

[Keegan2015]

Originally Posted by hahayeahtotallylol

Sort of. I become more efficient if i have structure.

But if i have no structure, guidelines, or support from an outsider, then i tend to put my energies into things that just move me horizontally as opposed to vertically

That's a really good way of putting it -- I can definitely relate. When I was in college I think hypomania helped me do really well and maintain high grades, the structured, task-oriented environment fit well with my hyperactive, focused, mindset.

But after graduating I spent several months unemployed and during that time (I was shifting between hypomania and full-blown mania for a few months) I spent time working on a variety of relatively trivial projects that I thought had profound significance... didn't really get much done.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I was in a very similar situation.

Which is why i knew i absolutely needed a stable job for the spring, when this inevitably happens again.

I thought of another benefit of hm. Last year i cleaned out my storage locker for the first time in ten years. I got it completely cleaned, right down to washing the floor. I had had buying a warm robe on my to-do list for weeks and in the locker i found not one, not two, but THREE warm robes! I got my shopping-high for free! I did lots of good hard work and really enjoyed myself.

[DesigningWoman]

I worked while hypomanic for months. I thought I was doing great, so productive. I took a final exam while manic.
Reality check: the day I was released from inpatient. The work project was rejected in part due to my work. My boss was highly displeased. I finally read the thing with clear eyes. Even I had no idea what I was talking about; it made very little to no sense. Information was wrong.
Then, I got the grade on the exam that I had been boasting was so easy. I thought I got a 100%. Most of it was written explanations. I got a low C. That is badly failing in grad school. One final grade C in a class is suspension. With two you are dismissed from the program..
Frankly I think it might have been graded even lower but the prof felt bad for me or thought something was wrong with me that night. She knows my work and this was not me. I believe I was writing vertically at some points in messy, giant letters. Poor prof had to try and read that.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Usually trick myself into believing what I'm doing is important.
When it's over I get even more depressed at the physical manifistation of an idiotic mess. I'm left with no energy and very little motivation to undo what I've done.
I like hypo if it doesn't end up stupid and crazy.

[smallwonderer]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

I worked while hypomanic for months. I thought I was doing great, so productive. I took a final exam while manic.
Reality check: the day I was released from inpatient. The work project was rejected in part due to my work. My boss was highly displeased. I finally read the thing with clear eyes. Even I had no idea what I was talking about; it made very little to no sense. Information was wrong.
Then, I got the grade on the exam that I had been boasting was so easy. I thought I got a 100%. Most of it was written explanations. I got a low C. That is badly failing in grad school. One final grade C in a class is suspension. With two you are dismissed from the program..
Frankly I think it might have been graded even lower but the prof felt bad for me or thought something was wrong with me that night. She knows my work and this was not me. I believe I was writing vertically at some points in messy, giant letters. Poor prof had to try and read that.

This. I am currently revising a grant proposal that I wrote while hypo - maybe not vertical writing but I thought this thing was so good when I wrote it and I realize now it was kind of disorganized. I don't think I can organize my thoughts well enough to write well when hypo which is the main thing I need to be productive about. So I don't think it's a net gain. I also want to do silly things that wouldn't fly when I'm hypo unless I were already famous and I spend research money on things that are a bad idea.

Also I've never had a real hypo experience without a crash. And the low productivity/issues in the crash far outweigh the benefits of feeling productive in the hypo.

[venusss]

I came up with the topic of my thesis while somewhat manic (based on another manic decision "let's go to Kosovo, since I am already in Balkans). Very ambitious, too ambitious to finish in standard term. But finished it and i am proud of myself.

I am productive when manicky. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't work out, but often it does. Even perfectly normal people with flatline moods sometimes make mistakes, fail at things, overestimate themselves.

So I am keeping these states. They worked for me so far. Or maybe it's just my drive and way I think. Maybe it's not disorder at all. It's just different from the flat and logical majority.

[gina_re]

It depends. The hypomania I had last summer was somewhat destructive (spending sprees, hypersexuality, tons of energy), but I had a really short hypomanic episode earlier this week and I got so much cleaning done!! It was amazing and much needed since I've neglected doing anything for months..

[DisfunctionJunction]

This is a great thread! For yrs I was in denial of my BP2 dx cuz I also dxd with BPD and could see past my extremely deep long enduring depression. I have recently gone through a hypo/ manic cycle. Through this I was finally able to understand and accept my BP dx. But as I am now mixed/ slowing feeling the enviable decline back towards depression. I a once again struggling to keep focus schedule and productive functionality with has been such a welcome relief during the last 3+ months. whether or not I am truly or ever was comobid BP & BPD... I know that I am not currently (able) to access my DBT mindfulness skills. I am extremely irritable and my temper flairsup and overreacting without breathing before responding. I am also struggling to learn to how to be constructively supportive to a loved ones new dx. So as far as hypo mania goes for me I am struggling clawing to hold on to it... knowing how awful and deeply embedded the other extreme is for me, but at the same time... The period where I did swing into full blown mania was psychotic and painfully embarrassing to look back on.. Oh the double edged sword... Is contentment too much to ask for??!!!

[DesigningWoman]

Contentment is definitely not too much to ask for. It's a goal.
I also think it is different states to different people. For me contentment is knowing the truth and accepting it without feelings overwhelming me. I value stability and honesty above most other things. I will beg people to tell me the truth. For me hypomania is a fairy land of strong feelings, hyper speed, and anything is possible. My enjoyment of it is very limited because it isn't real. As soon as I recognize hypomania now, I start trying to calm myself and ground myself out of it.

[violetgreen]

I remember hypos as lived experiences. Senses vivid, high connectedness, drawings and paintings have a more expressionistic quality, I find humor everywhere, I can crunch through text, my spoken and written ideas don't have coherence, so it's really hard to follow through on a project with such a messy beginning. Then it's back to taking baby step after baby step, until a level of mastery is achieved, then the work gets easier. I really like to work.

Only temporarily helpful -- in the moment I might get more cleaning or more grading done. But it always leads to a crash into depression for me which is terribly destructive for me, so long-term hypomania is not my friend and I actively work to avoid it.

[pirilin]

Mania has led to a wreckless life in my case.
Never acting correctly. Never giving any importance to what was important.
I've been manic for more than 40 yrs. Self medicating, of course.
Never asked for help until age 62. When I was diagnosed with the bipolar.
Depression sucks big time. I'd rather be manic. But I'm in the last chance
to keep my 3rd marriage. I'm tough, but living under a bridge is tougher.

I do get a lot done when I'm hypo. It's good and bad. I wish I could just turn it on and off....

[bbTofu]

Last episode was very fruitful in my opinion.

I visited a friend abroad (Amsterdam), I came up with an idea for seminar paper, done more than 50% of research on the subject (we're group of 3 students), started to self-teach piano, bought a digital piano, worked more shifts hence more money.

However, I also had destructive interactions with my supervisor in practicum, she isn't too chatty and I didn't know when to stop talking/joking which lead to some unpleasant situations that I perceived as HER BEING A *****. I bought the piano without thinking too much if I can afford it. I had almost gotten myself kicked out from few classes because I was either too loud/inappropriate etc..
I was driving recklessly on many occasions.

I prefer hypomania over being depressed

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

What I mean is this: a lot of us enjoy hypomania (I do, it's the only time I'm not exhausted!!). But have you found that, either in general, or in a couple particular instances, that hypomania has truly benefitted your life, whether it was for work, your family, etc? That it wasn't distructive?

I'm pretty energized right now and expect a late night. I've been floating between hypomania and quite a bit of low right now (I wouldn't call my lows depression at the moment. But work has been intensely stressful and wearing me down).

There is so much going on during the day I feel like to go to bed on time all the time I am just barely surviving. Like I don't have a chance for any true THOUGHTS until later.

And my family, we're struggling right now. I worry about the longterm safety of my job. Another private family practice clinic might bite the dust . I think my husband is struggling with depression right now. He's not prone to mental health troubles like I am and it did not even occur to me until tonight. But now it just..FITS. And top of that my 5 year old is struggling in kindergarten. I feel like me need to turn this ship around and NOW.

So there are all these things that I genuinely need to do to improve the well being of myself and my family. 1) I want to write a letter to my husband offering my support. I feel that he's been giving me signals for help and I haven't seen them. (would be easier if he could have said "HELP!" but whatever). I feel he will hear my words better from a letter than from my mouth.

I want to organize my schedule better. Get an outline of what I need to be doing to get ready in the morning and when. Writing things down on paper helps. My art has been the only thing giving me life so doing a stylized calender or chart may help more. But again, no time to do during the day.

I also want to write a letter for my next psychiatrist visit. I haven't seen her since November due to schedule glitches. It's a pretty important visit because I want to discuss several things

1) physical health update: coming close to getting my sleep disorder finally diagnosed and treated (yay!)

2) Discussion of my possible hypomanias and what I suspect was close to a full manic event three years ago

3) My art. I just really started painting and drawing seriously around the turn of the new year. I do not exaggerate when I say it has kept me alive.

4) My concerns about my husband and how to be on the "other side of the coin" supporting someone else's mental health.

So anyway, my thing, is as long as I'm not letting myself stay up two or three days on end......as long as I push myself out of bed and to work (I've never missed a day even when in my bad depression or anxiety so I think this is doable)......is there any compelling reason why NOT to stay up and get this done when I have energy and life?

Just going on THIS post... Gawd i WISH I got stuff done. But with my hypo I can easily switch to anxiety and aggravation. I get irritated really quickly. I can get very dysphoric easily. I get paranoid and hide in my room. Haven't done anything beneficial in wks

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