[1278]

From the moment I was diagnosed, my life has been spiraling out of control. When I was first misdiagnosed with MDD, I had ECT, it did nothing. I then sought a new pdoc and he diagnosed me as bipolar 2, put me on a ton of ADs and started my rapid cycling. He had no idea what was exactly wrong so he stopped answering my calls and "referred" me to my current pdoc. She has been pumping me with APs and ADs for a year before finally stopping to think I might be rapid cycling, stopping the ADs and maybe trying different APs. At this point I've been on 10-15 drugs. Lamictal and topamax are the only ones that have continuously helped me to some extent. Now I might have the lamictal rash. I just can't. Why bother trying? For the first time in my entire life I had no suicidal ideation because of lamictal. Every time there is a glimmer of hope it gets crushed, every time I try to get back up I get kicked in the face again. On top of everything else my medical aid won't cover for any more hospital stays/pdoc visits/therapy. I feel like such a burden on my parents, I don't know what to do anymore. (I also had to leave in the middle of my medical degree, a degree I probably won't finish which is just as hard to accept)

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I think the load of ADs may of been the bad decision. I'm on trileptal and I've had a few mild ups, and no bad "downs" since. It's also kept the mixed episodes and dysphoria at bay which would leave me very agitated and angry. A lot of us here have been on way more than 15 diff meds alone. It's trial and error and trileptal kept me intact as long as I don't take my stimulant! Maybe try a diff stabilizer and stay away from ADs for now. It's all trial and error and it's a load of hell until you get there. Stay strong and don't give up!

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[pirilin]

Posting will help you. We all need to let off steam.
I know your situation is not easy. Do you know for sure you have SJS?.
Lamictal can produce other rashes. You need to be sure.
I know you don't want to burden your parents any further, but this is important.
You need to get a hold of a doctor. And fast. This is your priority for now.

[1278]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Posting will help you. We all need to let off steam.
I know your situation is not easy. Do you know for sure you have SJS?.
Lamictal can produce other rashes. You need to be sure.
I know you don't want to burden your parents any further, but this is important.
You need to get a hold of a doctor. And fast. This is your priority for now.

i went to the doctor and he said he wasn't sure if it was SJS but it doesn't look like it. I was too scared to take the lamictal so I skipped the dose and am going for a second opinion. My GP can be such an ***** sometimes, he was like, 'SJS is so rare, were you googling it', I'm like no, my psychiatrist told me to go to casualty if I need to. WTF, f*** all these doctors and their bull****

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by 1278

i went to the doctor and he said he wasn't sure if it was SJS but it doesn't look like it. I was too scared to take the lamictal so I skipped the dose and am going for a second opinion. My GP can be such an ***** sometimes, he was like, 'SJS is so rare, were you googling it', I'm like no, my psychiatrist told me to go to casualty if I need to. WTF, f*** all these doctors and their bull****

It's good you're doing something positive. The rash affects 1:6000.
My pdoc told me I could skip 2 days if I forgot. Just saying.
I hope the 2nd opinion will clear you out.
Besides, there's always Lithium. I'm taking 200mg Lamotrigine and is doing
maybe nothing for me. The Lithium is doing something, I don't know what.
But I feel a little better.
Also, Lithium prevents more suicides than any other med. And it's cheap.
No, I don't sell Lithium, hehe. GOOD LUCK!!!.

[1278]

Originally Posted by pirilin

It's good you're doing something positive. The rash affects 1:6000.
My pdoc told me I could skip 2 days if I forgot. Just saying.
I hope the 2nd opinion will clear you out.
Besides, there's always Lithium. I'm taking 200mg Lamotrigine and is doing
maybe nothing for me. The Lithium is doing something, I don't know what.
But I feel a little better.
Also, Lithium prevents more suicides than any other med. And it's cheap.
No, I don't sell Lithium, hehe. GOOD LUCK!!!.

Thank you Just everyone's responses keeps me going. This forum has kept my sanity so far in the toughest time in my life. It's just because I have these flu-like symptoms I feel like crap on top of everything else. Icing on the cake I guess.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by 1278

From the moment I was diagnosed, my life has been spiraling out of control. When I was first misdiagnosed with MDD, I had ECT, it did nothing. I then sought a new pdoc and he diagnosed me as bipolar 2, put me on a ton of ADs and started my rapid cycling. He had no idea what was exactly wrong so he stopped answering my calls and "referred" me to my current pdoc. She has been pumping me with APs and ADs for a year before finally stopping to think I might be rapid cycling, stopping the ADs and maybe trying different APs. At this point I've been on 10-15 drugs. Lamictal and topamax are the only ones that have continuously helped me to some extent. Now I might have the lamictal rash. I just can't. Why bother trying? For the first time in my entire life I had no suicidal ideation because of lamictal. Every time there is a glimmer of hope it gets crushed, every time I try to get back up I get kicked in the face again. On top of everything else my medical aid won't cover for any more hospital stays/pdoc visits/therapy. I feel like such a burden on my parents, I don't know what to do anymore. (I also had to leave in the middle of my medical degree, a degree I probably won't finish which is just as hard to accept)

Im right there with you.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

Im right there with you.

How are we supposed to keep going on? Its like I'm emotionally spent, I am a shell of my former self. My reserves are empty, there's nothing. I can't dig deeper, I can't hope for a better day.

Originally Posted by 1278

How are we supposed to keep going on? Its like I'm emotionally spent, I am a shell of my former self. My reserves are empty, there's nothing. I can't dig deeper, I can't hope for a better day.

My brain's looping on these kinds of thoughts too. Trying to break the loop. You're not alone.

If this is any consolation, If you are on Lamictal, I don't think the rash occurs. It is only when you start the drug.

I got an itchy rash in the beginning and it was not the SJS rash. That is why in the beginning you titrate slowly.

[fishin fool]

Originally Posted by 1278

How are we supposed to keep going on? Its like I'm emotionally spent, I am a shell of my former self. My reserves are empty, there's nothing. I can't dig deeper, I can't hope for a better day.

I have been there and I thought I would never make it back, somehow
I did. I understand what it means to be a shell of your former self.
Please hang in there and know you are not alone.
Life may change for folks like us but it can still be good.