I don't even know what to write

I've been trying to write something to post for awhile now, but everything I write sounds stupid. I feel like anything I write now I've already written. Now I'm just repeating the same questions posed slightly differently each time. I've made no ground in treating my illness. If there is one. I'm starting to think I'm simply unable to cope with the demands of everyday life. I'm sick of fighting to enjoy anything. I'm sick of whinging. I'm sick of waiting. I'm petrified of my future which I feel like I'm slowly destroying. I'm SO angry & not much changes that.

^^^ You have written enough.
I really want to reply. Tried four times. But what can I say you haven't heard before?.
Anger is more productive than apathy. I wish I was angry.

When I'm on that repeating treadmill, not coping, no enjoyment, everything is hard, but I'm numb, then I stay stuck. After I felt my anger, then I'm angry until the whatever that needs to change, or a choice or decision is made. What's your intuition telling you? And nothing is wrong with repeating yourself, that's part of the process.

I don't think my intuition knows whether it's coming or going. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know why I feel the way I do or what I can do to change that. I don't know how to block out the negative & take in the positive.

Just write away. Maybe some have n't read that particular thought before.

I read somewhere that "relentless optomism" is a symptom of hypomania. That is one symptom I have pretty consistently and it's not always useful. Negative outlooks could be more realistic sometimes, and that could be useful.

I think it is hard when you're stuck feeling the same way for a long time.
Always being angry sucks because you want peace.
Being optimistic always isn't as bad, I think but can make you seem very naive to others.

You need balance. That's where I want to be.
Post away Wanderlust. Some of us are newer. We need thoughts posted.

Nothing you write is stupid. I have written many things that seem petty, other things that seem to have sparked familiarity with others. Either way, self-expression is necessary and where better to share than here? We are your friends and for the most part are non-judgmental. When you have nothing to write but need support, just say the words and you will hopefully find the support you need. I hope this post finds you in greater spirits!

HUGS

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Today I woke up low, started crying for I don't even know why. I suppose I just feel like I have heaps to do & I'm overwhelmed but in reality I actually don't have much on my plate I'm just blowing things out of proportion in my head. But when I sit down & try to relax I feel so much guilt, like I should be enjoying my life & I'm not. I have everything to be thankful for. A loving family & partner who is keeping us afloat whilst I'm not working. A home to call my own (well the banks), 2 gorgeous dogs, a degree & a stable career when I don't keep quitting my jobs, my physical health. I have all these things, I don't get it. I'm happy one day, sad the next & angry the day after. Is it common to have such lability of mood? I know maybe not so much in traditional (for lack of a better word) bipolar 1 disorder but what about bipolar 2?

could be writing that myself ... I just try to accept what is ... cry myself to sleep with music (soon-kyu of course) ... set small goals during the day ... like my muffin and coffee .. I live for that ... just one small goal at a time gets me thru the day ... no guilt hun ... it is what it is ... no ones fault .. no guilt there ... just life can sometimes be a bear ... good days , bad days ... it's called life .. we try our best ... that's all anybody can do .. Tigger ..

Thanks tigger. I'm sitting down with my coffee & I'm going to try not to let myself be angry over how I feel, it's hard to distract myself from my own thoughts but I have things I need to do today that will help to distract. I'm sorry your also feeling so low tigger, hang in there, one day will be flying high again.

Ty ... ... Tigger