[boogiesmash]

So was having a conversation with a co worker and dating came up he told me I'm shallow. I thought about it for a while and thought to myself it's true. I always went for looks. So now I'm thinking how do I not be shallow and focus on a girls personality rather than looks.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I don't think it's shallow to take looks into consideration.

But a persons real beauty is on inside.

How do you meet women now? You could change that. Then join a volunteer organization of your choice and see which women also sacrifice thier time for the same cause.

[boogiesmash]

I haven't been with a woman in 3 years since my suicide attempt. I kinda need help on meeting women now too lol.

I am shallow too. I get attracted by looks. But, I fall in love with the person.

[boogiesmash]

How do I not be shallow when meeting women?

[Raindropvampire]

Let's say you look at a woman and say to yourself "ICK she's too tall and she's fat with blue hair. I'll pass." Simply ignore that voice and talk to her. See if there is anything you have in common.

Just remember there is no shame in being shallow. We ALL have our preferences. I try not to be but I'm shallow when it comes to intellect. I've been able to overcome my preference a few times for an extraordinary personality.

Basically we like what we like. The only time I've ever gotten irritated at someone for being shallow is my cousin. According to her a guy has to be at least 6', EXTREMELY fit, dark short hair, have a six pack, either be independently wealthy OR make over $75,000 a year, have his own place, no kids, perfect teeth, a full head of hair, well groomed, no pets, face must be aesthetically pleasing and have a nice car. Then every time we speak she *****es she can't find a man and is lonely. She's lonely because she's too picky and listening to her whine about it peeves me off.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

Let's say you look at a woman and say to yourself "ICK she's too tall and she's fat with blue hair. I'll pass." Simply ignore that voice and talk to her. See if there is anything you have in common.

Just remember there is no shame in being shallow. We ALL have our preferences. I try not to be but I'm shallow when it comes to intellect. I've been able to overcome my preference a few times for an extraordinary personality.

Basically we like what we like. The only time I've ever gotten irritated at someone for being shallow is my cousin. According to her a guy has to be at least 6', EXTREMELY fit, dark short hair, have a six pack, either be independently wealthy OR make over $75,000 a year, have his own place, no kids, perfect teeth, a full head of hair, well groomed, no pets, face must be aesthetically pleasing and have a nice car. Then every time we speak she *****es she can't find a man and is lonely. She's lonely because she's too picky and listening to her whine about it peeves me off.

Thank you for this, I'm lonely too and I'm realizing it's cause I'm too picky as well.

[Raindropvampire]

Have you thought about trying online dating? It might help to get to know someone before you saw them. If you REALLY liked their personality first then maybe the looks wouldn't seem so important. Good luck to you and don't be hard on yourself about this.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

Have you thought about trying online dating? It might help to get to know someone before you saw them. If you REALLY liked their personality first then maybe the looks wouldn't seem so important. Good luck to you and don't be hard on yourself about this.

I have but I think I met some shallow people who at first liked me then saw me better and wanted to do nothing with me.

[Raindropvampire]

Awww I'm very sorry. I know that has to hurt.

I guess that's where I'm lucky. I'm fat and talking the kind of fat you can't hide So I never had to worry that someone would get a closer look and then say "DAMN she BIG!!" and walk away. If they couldn't tell I was big before they got up close and personal then they were blind Plus it helps when you are so depressed and apathetic that you really don't give a shite what other people think of you. Gives you a kind of confidence that pulls people in.

I think we're all shallow to a degree, so it's fairly normal to be shallow.

You just have to reason through it. For example, you said that you only date women for their looks. Look what happened when you dated shallow women like yourself. It never worked out, right? Ultimately, personality WAS important to those women because they didn't feel a connection with you. So even though they were shallow, they weren't too shallow after all. They wanted to find their soul mate, someone who they could spend the rest of their life with. Looks may have been their #1 requirement for a guy, but personality was just as important to them.

So it's important that you find someone with a personality that matches or is similar to yours, because personality does matter to other people. Besides, you don't want to feel lonely. You want someone to love you and be with you. The only way you'll find someone like that is to find someone whose personality connects with yours.

It's okay to be concerned with looks, though. I think most people are lying when they say looks aren't important. But instead of focusing on finding the hottest girl, settle for good looking and see if her personality is something you like. You'll be much happier with a good looking girl who has a nice personality than the world's hottest girl with a horrible personality.

If you see a girl who's dressed in gothic clothes, has piercings everywhere, and covered in tattoos, you may or may not like that. That's okay if her looks aren't your personal taste. You can pass up on that girl. You're allowed to have personal standards. Just don't set your standards so high that you limit your dating pool to the top 1% of hot girls.

[gina_re]

Love yourself first and be comfortable in your own skin more than anything. Then the emphasis is on what is "real" and not looks from both parties. Then you can see past just the looks.

[fishin fool]

We are all programed by mother nature to be attracted to good looks.
It is normal and it will stay that way even when you are old and grey.
I don't know how old you are but the one thing that changes with age
is we gain a bit of wisdom and we realize it is the inner beauty of the
person that makes us happy in the long run.
As far as meeting people now that's a bit tougher because it depends
on the type of person you are. If bars and clubs are not your thing
you can try dating sites. If there is something you love to do you can
try finding a club that is involved in that activity.
I belong to two fishing clubs and have met many people and there are
quite a few women that are members.

[pirilin]

I'm not shallow, but always go for the prettiest ones. It's the same effort.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Who DOESNT notice looks first? You're not shallow, maybe you just never experienced being screwed over by a beautiful person yet lol. I think looks often get people a one up in some cases. But then it bites you in the *** when that person turns out to be an evil dirt bag. I once had the hottest bf in town. The whole package. It took him putting me in the hospital before I left him. And I admit, It was the looks that got me. But inside he ended up being the ugliest person alive to me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Being interested in looks does not make you shallow, it makes you human. Unless a person is optically impaired, looks are the first thing most people with notice and develop a crush over. We humans have a way of turning natural biological functions, into moral failures. This isn't productive.

As one poster wrote, with age we often develop wisdom. We learn more about ourselves, and often (but not always of course) we find new, more lasting and important things to focus on rather than looks. Classically beautiful people are fun to look at. They can be kind, warm and wonderful. But so can less attractive people of course.

For most people, it's possible and ideal to find someone you are both attracted to physically and emotionally. I've known couples where one person is highly attractive and the other is much less so. Someone passing them on the streets would not believe they are a couple. Once you get to know them, it's obvious why there relationship works. The attractive person has "quirks" which most people would run from (nothing abusive). Actually they both have quirks and their personality and innate needs are perfectly matched. My point is, even if you are attracted to people who seem out of your league, there is still reason to think you might find your perfect package.

People often brag about not being willing to compromise anything for a relationship. This is usually a mistake. Successful relationships require a compromise. However, I think we would do ourselves a disservice if we fail to recognize the importance of physical attraction. If we aren't physically attracted in any way to a person, it's unfair to both them and ourselves to stay in a relationship with them. It would be more honest to stay "friends". But keep in mind, it's very possible to develop an attraction to a person you didn't find appealing at first, just by spending time and "really" getting to know them. So try that out! Just be kind and don't lead anyone on.

If you are looking for a lasting relationship, it goes without saying the persons looks will change. You and your partner will age, may gain some weight, could get in an accident and become disfigured. (Unlikely, but possible) If you truly love someone, their changes in appearance will not bother or alter the love you feel for them.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Being interested in looks does not make you shallow, it makes you human. Unless a person is optically impaired, looks are the first thing most people with notice and develop a crush over. We humans have a way of turning natural biological functions, into moral failures. This isn't productive.

As one poster wrote, with age we often develop wisdom. We learn more about ourselves, and often (but not always of course) we find new, more lasting and important things to focus on rather than looks. Classically beautiful people are fun to look at. They can be kind, warm and wonderful. But so can less attractive people of course.

For most people, it's possible and ideal to find someone you are both attracted to physically and emotionally. I've known couples where one person is highly attractive and the other is much less so. Someone passing them on the streets would not believe they are a couple. Once you get to know them, it's obvious why there relationship works. The attractive person has "quirks" which most people would run from (nothing abusive). Actually they both have quirks and their personality and innate needs are perfectly matched. My point is, even if you are attracted to people who seem out of your league, there is still reason to think you might find your perfect package.

People often brag about not being willing to compromise anything for a relationship. This is usually a mistake. Successful relationships require a compromise. However, I think we would do ourselves a disservice if we fail to recognize the importance of physical attraction. If we aren't physically attracted in any way to a person, it's unfair to both them and ourselves to stay in a relationship with them. It would be more honest to stay "friends". But keep in mind, it's very possible to develop an attraction to a person you didn't find appealing at first, just by spending time and "really" getting to know them. So try that out! Just be kind and don't lead anyone on.

If you are looking for a lasting relationship, it goes without saying the persons looks will change. You and your partner will age, may gain some weight, could get in an accident and become disfigured. (Unlikely, but possible) If you truly love someone, their changes in appearance will not bother or alter the love you feel for them.

Thank you for this.