[Bobbyj]

Hi everyone i'm new here, recently diagnosed with bi-polar after thinking i had ADD for so long(might have both). I was prescribed depakote about a week and a half ago, but still haven't taken it because i get nervous about taking psychiatric meds. I've had bad past experiences and feel i'm in an alright place right now and going to therapy. I'm worried by this diagnosis because i feel it could mean i'll never have any consistency in life, but i'm also happy that i know what's going on now. I feel mine is less extreme, the only time i've been out of control is under the influence from what i remember. I've had drug and alcohol problems, but have been clean for a little bit now and i'm hoping if i can just stay sober that i'll be able to keep this under control with therapy, exercise, good sleep, etc.

Anyway what are other people's experiences here like? Anyone been on depakote, how is it? I'm worried about the weight gain, liver problems, and lethargy. Are there people that have had success without meds? Anything you guys would like to mention i'd very much appreciate it.

Thanks

[Crazy Hitch]

Nice to see you here Bobby.

I've been on Depakote before.

But for me, personally, it caused massive weight gain and did nothing to stabilise my mood. It's not a med I'd ever go on again.

In having said that I know a few who are on it and have had much success.

[wiretwister]

was on depakote a long time ... had to quit , kept falling asleep at work ...

welcome to PC ...

[pirilin]

Welcome!!!.

[gina_re]

Welcome to PC!!
We're glad you're here.
Meds work differently for different people. Something that works great for me, may do absolutely nothing for you. Unfortunately that's how some of them work, but if you're patient you will be fine. I'm stabile, able to function, keep my job, got a degree, bought a house, etc. all why being on my meds. Adjustments are made here and there, but if you're consistent with working in your psychiatrist and therapist, you will be successful.

Good luck and welcome again!

[Bobbyj]

Thank you all! One thing i'm unsure about is if I've used drugs to deal with bi polar episodes or if the drugs caused the episodes(could be both). Couldn't an addict have a lot of the symptoms while using? I mean i've been using off and on since i was 17. I can't remember much of how i felt exactly before i used drugs, but i was a bit crazy at times, that could be attributed to a lot of things though. I really felt like Cartman from South Park if you guys know who that is lol. Just with a lot more empathy and feelings of guilt/shame for what i'd do. I've been working hard on staying clean lately, but still only have a couple weeks solid, a few off and ons the last few months before that. last year i was clean for around 6 months and i felt much better during that time, but i'd notice almost like clockwork every month or so i'd be depressed for a few days usually starting by looking in the mirror and hating myself after a slow morning/afternoon and then snap back out of it and workout like a machine constantly for the majority of the days. Sometimes a particular event, thought, interaction with someone, or whatever could cause me to hit that depressive wall as well, or that hyper mode if something good happened. I tend to have tons of trouble getting out of bed in the morning almost every day. I'll lay there for hours sometimes even if i feel energized after i get up.

Anyone have an idea on how to distinguish bi-polar from addiction, or let me know if any of this stuff i mentioned sounds familiar to you? Thanks again everyone i'm just really trying to figure myself out.

[Bobbyj]

Bump, anyone out there relate to? Any thoughts on this?

[Ocean Swimmer]

Well, Bobby, it depends on what drugs you've been self medicating with, like Coke or pot or meth. I used opioids. I'm clean now. Wish I could still take them, but after a few years I end up having a serious episode that lands me in the hospital.

It's hard to be on psych Meds and alcohol. So join some kind of support group. Go every day. It's important to get that comraderie.

[Bobbyj]

Opiates were my drug of choice, but have done almost anything you could name at some point. Opiates made life so interesting/fun though, but also gave me mood swings, and other issues that are common with opiate addiction. I've been staying clean though, cut off my contacts, have a small support group, etc. I'm feeling good about sobriety now, but i'm just worried this could mess up my diagnosis. Sometimes i think i have BPD traits as well, but i'm not too sure of the difference between bi-polar and BPD and the symtpoms of these seem to match those of an addict as well. So with sober time i can keep track of my moods and get a better idea. Anyone notice differences between a mentally "normal" person that uses opiates and a bipolar or bpd person that does?

[pirilin]

I know this will be controversial. It depends on the shrink.
Nothing that you did under the influence should count for your diagnostic.
I was given the option of Depakote or Lithium and I went with the latter.
I find it curious how we put street drugs into our bodies and are wary of pharmaceuticals.

[Bobbyj]

I was thinking the same. And about the street drugs, i guess because it's not a constant thing, in my mind when i was getting high it was "just for today" or "one last time" and they made me feel good. While the paychiatric drugs aren't immediate and need to be used for long periods of time and can change you're personality without any enjoyment from it. I mean it all comes down to just the addictiveness of those street drugs that warp our minds. There's really no good reason to do them, we just convince ourselves otherwise.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I can relate to so much that you're saying bobby. I'm BP, BPD and an abuser. I only drank alcohol one time in the last year and that WAS my med for a long time. I would drink because i couldn't deal with the ups and downs of my MI and I really think it just made those more unstable for me. I would be good and go on meds and then give up because I just wanted that beer and only that beer. And quite often when I was drunk, I didn't give two craps about what else I put in my body at the moment. And like you, I've had many "last times", "for old time sakes". I had to be hospitalized to get off of alcohol because I was physically addicted. Right now I'm still dabbling in other things but I don't get blasted or black out. I usually only take just enough to keep me "right". Uppers are my thing. I need that feeling of being hyper, invincible ect. And it does effect my moods I'll admit that. I'd get high to be high and then do it again to avoid the crash. That crash is what really messes with me. It's a dark cold hole and it's mental agony. I often post in the addictions section here. It helps me have some kind of hope.

It is funny how we're so quick and careless when it comes to catching a buzz yet scared of psych meds too lol. Kind of a catch 22. I did have the right cocktail of psychs a few months ago but lately I've derailed. Honestly I blame myself and the substance abuse. I'm quite sure that an overload of anything can do a number on our brain chemistry. In a way I almost don't want to do a new med combo until I finally get sober. It seems like a waste of time if I'm just going to keep abusing things that effect my moods anyway.

For BOTH of us, I'd recommend treatment. I know it's easier said than done and it's something you have to be ready for. I think if we really wanted to though that we could do it. Besides, we're pretty good at getting things when we put effort in (or really want to alter our mood for the day). We both have to really want it to achieve it and stop making excuses for that "last time".

Now to answer your question about depakote, I've never been on it because my pdoc only likes to give it as a last resort.

And If you are indeed ADD then be very careful if you ever want to take stimulants because they can make BP out of control. But I'm only speaking out of experience. Everyone responds different to every med, as was said.

I wish I had all the answers but I think all I did was lecture you and let you know that you're not alone. If you ever have questions then feel free to PM me. I've been at this game a long time lol.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bobbyj]

Yeah as far as the substances go, i don't know much about your situation, but if you're doing other drugs recreationally it may not be safe to take meds? That's another reason i haven't taken my meds yet, because i've already put my body through a lot with other drugs and I never can be sure if i'll relapse. I don't plan on it, but we gotta take it a day a time and i don't want to screw myself up if i say F it one day and start getting high. I think i'm going to see how i am without meds while i'm sober, focusing on exercise, diet, therapy, and other healthy habits.

On another note I don't like the sound of depakote making people lethargic and gain weight. Most of the time i have high energy for working out and any sort of exercise, i wouldn't want that to be stunted. It's a pretty central part of my life, i feel i need that to be 'Okay' with myself. Oh and as far as stims go, that would definitely make sense, I was diagnosed with ADD before BP and every medication gave me horrible anger quickly followed by crushing depression. Almost 2 years ago i was on Vyvanse and i'd have rage fits over the smallest thing that would keep me upset for hours. I scared myself with how much i'd lose control. I would have racing thoughts of everything that pissed me off and ramble on about all those things that made me mad at people and the world. For example i could be mad about having a bad workout and then find myself ranting about politics 5 minutes later followed by another random subject. I remember one time i didn't lift as much as i planned on, so i elbowed the squat rack as hard as i could(i don't recommend this...lol..) and then smashed my phone. My buddy was just like whaaat???? Soo embarrassing, i acted insane on those things i'm glad i'm off them. It's a shame because i did great in school while on them, they also made me more productive in everyday life.

Anyway thanks for replying, i really appreciate it. I always enjoy reading What other people have to say. If you or anyone gets the chance could you explain in your experience the difference between BP and BPD, they seem to overlap a lot, i heard BPD is very situational while BP is energy levels, but those seem like they could influence each other. One thing i do a lot is brush off things said in the moment most of the time like a friend messing with me about something, but then anywhere from hours to years later think about it and get angry or down. Only when i'm not with them too, usually when i'm by myself overthinking everything.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Wow. I'm actually prescribed vyvanse right now. A script lasts me a wk (need I say more about my drug of choice lol??) and yesterday I was crashing pretty hard. I ended up going off on a girl at a store register for not ringing up my smokes fast enough. I was beyond sleep deprived and really wanted a cig I guess lol. My brother was so embarrassed by the whole situation too.

As far as the difference in BPD and BP goes, don't quote me, but I think BP has more pronounced highs and lows and BPD is more of a level ride... Through hell lol. I have both and it's way worse when I'm under the influence, especially alcohol.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bobbyj]

Yeah i believe it i've gone off many times on vyvanse, i can't take them, i don't like stims anyway so it's not hard for me to avoid them fortunately... when drinking or on opiates though i'd tend to blow up on friends, getting in fights at times all over how they said something, or even a facial expression. Only to feel terrible about it later. Usually i'd be black out or near it in these situations.