trigger for me (won't be for you)

As a lot of you know I am an occupational therapist although I am disabled and haven't worked in 4 years. To be an OT you have a national board certification that you get by passing a board exam and then state licensure which requires that you have the national board certification.

Last year I had to put my national boards on retirement status. My state license has been in escrow for a few years and can not be renewed in escrow again. I either have to get continuing education credits to restore it or I have to let it go. I thought this happened next year. Today I had an email indicating I might be wrong. A simple email to the boards for my state will answer the question but it brought up so much.

Putting my certification in retirement last year made me go from "cycling and not doing well" to "this is really bad and I am out of control completely". For that reason alone I have been planning to probably renew my license once more, even though it is somewhat foolish. But if it is due this year I don't have much time. And even if it isn't that brought up the emotions that just show that I am not going to handle this well and terror that it could trigger a repeat of the last year plus.

Clozaril is helping. I do not want to test it out that much yet though.

I know keeping my license is frivolous and silly and I'm not quite ready to be done with it yet. So ridiculous. So huge.

I don't think it's silly. That was your occupation for many years. It's a major part of your life, and if you don't want to give it up just yet, don't. Do so when you're ready.

Aw beyond I'm so sorry. I know if I had to let my teaching license go I would be very upset. I hope you come to a decision that gives you peace of mind. I understand how big this is for you. It's giving up a huge part of your life and it's like admitting that you won't ever get to be an OT again. Don't feel silly about that.

I hope you find peace.

The funny thing is that I know I won't be an OT again. I'd have to do some serious re-training and I don't know how that even happens. Most of it would return automatically in the right job but some wouldn't. And nobody would hire me with years of unexplained not-working time. But I keep remembering being in grad school (which I hated most of) and focusing on writing out "BeyondtheRainbow, OTR/L" and how much that meant to me the first time I wrote it for real.

I am pretty sure I have another year. But this year has been so confusing that I could certainly be wrong.

I just don't want to lose control again.

I let my teaching certificate go. I tried and tried but know I cannot work again. It was a little hard, but so many have it worse.
I wish you well and hope it all works out the way you want.

I don't think it is silly at all. I was a notary and a voter's registrar and had cpr training and a food handling license.

I used to do social work. I don't have any of those certificates anymore but I had them for years.

I need to do my continuing education and examinations this year for my brokers Licence.
So I totally understand. But you can only live in the present moment.
You can not predict the future. It's negative self talk to say , no one will ever hire me again. Think about now. Read the book the power of Now.
If you have the strength, find out what's up. If your certification and Licence is up this year or next.
I went thru a period of time, where I just didn't want to know. Then one day I felt enough personal power to go online and look up my Licence #. I plan on ordering my study materials in May.
It even gave me the idea that maybe when my husband retires I might go back to work.
So anything is possible. Hope this helps.

The future is unpredictable. As you know, of course.
I let my 220 insurance lic. go and had a big opportunity later. No lic.
I let RE lic go right before the housing boom. I'll regret it for life.
If money or time are not objects, go for them.