[MikeDelta]

I am in the midst of a bipolar depression which has been going on for a few months now... its miserable. I take medicine which helps with the other symptoms but have yet to find anything that helps get me out of this dark muck. I know it ends eventually but it seems to get worse every time. Its not only a bleak outlook on life but a physical sensation that weighs me down... it makes me a quiet, sad and angry person only made worse by outside events. The world is seemingly much more cold when Im like this. I wish I was manic, the world is beautiful when I am manic and nothing was bad.

Excuse my ramblings I just need to speak... Its dark in here to the point where i question my will to live on a daily basis and wonder what is the point? but sleep it off because it "gets better" so they say.

Please tell me I am not the only one who suffers so deeply? maybe i am just more sensitive...

[otherg]

You are not alone. I'm there with you and it is horrid. When I mention that I don't know how I'm going to get through it those that know about my BP tell me you've gotten through it before and you will again. I think to myself, I'm getting older and I'm not sure if I have enough fight in me anymore. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[pirilin]

Hi MikeDlta: I not only hear you. I really feel your pain. I've been in the dark depression. Barely functioning. The physical weight accompanies me as well.
I want to think I'm getting out of it. Yesterday I started to show some changes. More energy, less worry. Thinking how happy I was when manic (90% of my long life).
Most important, I think I have some living to do still. Even if I am terminally ill.
The days I've left I wish to be happy. And for me, it entails mania. Living full blast.
Doing crazy things. Not causing serious harm, but pissing people off. It's part of the deal.
They don't pay my expenses. I'm retired, so no reputation to uphold.
No kids in the house to be ashamed of me. Only my poor wife will suffer the consecuences. And she works all day to bring our daily bread. So the suffering won't be long.
What I'm I doing being depressed?. I'm gonna take another capsule of ****itall. Later!!.

[MikeDelta]

@otherg You hit the nail on the head. People say I've gotten through it once so I will again... but I'm never convinced, especially when it's worse than before. .. thank you for this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello MikeDelta: The Skeezyks would simply like to offer his best wishes with the hope that you will be able to find your way back to the light...

[Babiesandbarbells]

I go through this nearly every month since I suffer from pmdd. I cry in my bedroom. I want to be alone away from my daughter and husband. And then that makes me feel even worse about myself. I feel bad for my husband because he works and takes care of the baby when I'm like this and it's not fair to him. So many mixed emotions l.

[otherg]

Originally Posted by MikeDelta

@otherg You hit the nail on the head. People say I've gotten through it once so I will again... but I'm never convinced, especially when it's worse than before. .. thank you for this.

You are very welcome.

[MikeDelta]

Originally Posted by Babiesandbarbells

I go through this nearly every month since I suffer from pmdd. I cry in my bedroom. I want to be alone away from my daughter and husband. And then that makes me feel even worse about myself. I feel bad for my husband because he works and takes care of the baby when I'm like this and it's not fair to him. So many mixed emotions l.

Poor thing every month sounds awful. I know exactly what you mean though. My bp is always worse with my cycle. It is no fun. :Hugs:

[MusicLover82]

I once went through a major depressive episode, filled with obsessive, irrational thoughts, and anxiety for 6 months. It was pure living h***. Let me tell you, it can and will get better. Make sure your doctor knows how long this has been going on so he/she can make changes. It may mean trying a different antidepressant or something.

I suffer depression on and off, but to a lesser extent now, and since my p-doc doesn't want to prescribe an antidepressant for me right now, I self-medicate with caffeine. As crazy as it sounds, sometimes a stimulant can help soften the angst of depression. Maybe a stimulant would be another thing you could ask your doctor about.

Best wishes of good luck in your search for inner joy and happiness! DO see your doctor about this and don't stop fighting it.

[MikeDelta]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

I once went through a major depressive episode, filled with obsessive, irrational thoughts, and anxiety for 6 months. It was pure living h***. Let me tell you, it can and will get better. Make sure your doctor knows how long this has been going on so he/she can make changes. It may mean trying a different antidepressant or something.

I suffer depression on and off, but to a lesser extent now, and since my p-doc doesn't want to prescribe an antidepressant for me right now, I self-medicate with caffeine. As crazy as it sounds, sometimes a stimulant can help soften the angst of depression. Maybe a stimulant would be another thing you could ask your doctor about.

Best wishes of good luck in your search for inner joy and happiness! DO see your doctor about this and don't stop fighting it.

My pdoc is the same way she doesn't want to try an ad. I know why but I have had 1 success in the past.... I also self medicate with caffiene. It isn't ideal but does something. Thankfully I see her on monday. Thank you for this

I used to get deep, dark depressions like you're describing, and they'd last for months.

I think my medication has caused me to cycle rapidly, though. I get an episode roughly every 6 weeks and they last 2-3 weeks at a time. My depression is much more intense during those 2-3 weeks than it was when it'd last a few months. I often come up with "plans" of how I want to kill myself, and I actually start researching where to buy my supplies. It's pretty severe.

I kind of wish my medication would take me out of depression instead of causing rapid cycling. So, I haven't found a solution either... but I can say that medication has made it worse!

But yeah, I was in the same situation as you. Hopefully you can find meds that work.

[manicdiamond]

sending hugs and sunshine!

[MusicLover82]

Originally Posted by MikeDelta

My pdoc is the same way she doesn't want to try an ad. I know why but I have had 1 success in the past.... I also self medicate with caffiene. It isn't ideal but does something. Thankfully I see her on monday. Thank you for this

Some ideas that don't involved meds: Also, are you getting vigorous exercise? I find when I don't, I get more depressed or anxious. Try to get 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week of some sort of vigorous exercise (adding sunshine will be even better) and see if that helps. Also, get your Vitamin D levels checked. You may be low (like so many people nowadays) and taking Vitamin D may help your depression a lot like it did mine.

[MikeDelta]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

Some ideas that don't involved meds: Also, are you getting vigorous exercise? I find when I don't, I get more depressed or anxious. Try to get 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week of some sort of vigorous exercise (adding sunshine will be even better) and see if that helps. Also, get your Vitamin D levels checked. You may be low (like so many people nowadays) and taking Vitamin D may help your depression a lot like it did mine.

I live in the north so not much sun right now but I have been working to get my vitamin do levels up. I take a supplement and tan because they're low... and I'm working on getting fit again. I used to be super exercise woman was I was manic haha.... thank you all. I hope it passes soon..