I think my constant overanalyzing is my greatest downfall, personality wise.

I tend to overanalyze things, like my BP diagnosis. I constantly think about why I'm not BP, and I come up with weird reasons to convince myself I don't have it. Same thing with anxiety and such.

I also overanalyze the hell out of things at work. I used to do it a lot in school, too. I've always screwed myself over with overanalyzing things!

[baseline]

Mine is being to trusting! I continually believe that people are inherently good.

[lilypup]

Mine is wanting to control situations. I forget there is a higher power.

[BastetsMuse]

Personality-wise, I think my greatest strength is my greatest downfall: self-criticism.

Being self-aware keeps me healthier mentally, but I can take it too far and tear myself up.

[hopeless2015]

Procrastination, I'll bury my head in the sand until something has to be done then anxiety hits

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[gina_re]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Procrastination, I'll bury my head in the sand until something has to be done then anxiety hits

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Ditto

[pirilin]

All of the above.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Ditto

Ditto for me too.

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Living in the past too much. I feel such waves of anxiety over foolish things i did as a teen or twentysomething and i'm 50. What is the point? It's over. I can't do anything about it. People have probably forgotten.

[1278]

I'm too sensitive. If someone tells me something I take it as a personal insult and stew over it for hours. And caring too much about what others think, especially my parents. I wish I could stop giving any f****. I'm letting them control my life and its draining me physically and emotionally.

[wiretwister]

mine is being so damn perfect and being too humble about it ...

[Standup2me]

I am quiet and very smart (not bragging, it's just a statement of fact).
People equate that to me being a snob

[MusicLover82]

Worrying. If I wouldn't worry so much (and obsess) about what other people think of me, or if someone is mad at me, etc., my life would be so much better. My worrying seems to come and go with hormonal changes. My p-doc recommended I take an amino acid (NAC) to help control the worrying/obsessing and I must say, it helps a lot. I wish it would just go away completely so I could live life with confidence and not always feel like I need some reassurance.

[Crazy Hitch]

Insecurity
Self esteem issues
Impulsiveness

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

Worrying. If I wouldn't worry so much (and obsess) about what other people think of me, or if someone is mad at me, etc., my life would be so much better. My worrying seems to come and go with hormonal changes. My p-doc recommended I take an amino acid (NAC) to help control the worrying/obsessing and I must say, it helps a lot. I wish it would just go away completely so I could live life with confidence and not always feel like I need some reassurance.

In your experience, does NAC also help with stabilising and grounding you? If so, do you think the reduced anxiety is a result or a cause?

Strictly speaking, NAC is not an amino acid, but cysteine is. As a med, it might still work better than just cysteine.

It is possible that some/most with BP have some cysteine deficiency which can cause the brain to stay/be too toxic for normal functioning, resulting in BP or SZ.

I'm sick too often and have trouble pushing myself
Stubborn and set in my ways
Loose boundaries/too fluid
Don't trust about 70% of the population.
The 30% I trust tend to be the wrong one/poor judgement
I'm way too quiet
I'm far too loud
I can be very abnoxious
I can be very boring
Rinse repeat with some serious quirks.

I am stubborn to a fault. I had a therapist call it tenacity though. I'll own that.

[Trippin2.0]

Self-sacrificing.


It's killing me in slow motion.


My poor T.

[MusicLover82]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

In your experience, does NAC also help with stabilising and grounding you? If so, do you think the reduced anxiety is a result or a cause?

Strictly speaking, NAC is not an amino acid, but cysteine is. As a med, it might still work better than just cysteine.

It is possible that some/most with BP have some cysteine deficiency which can cause the brain to stay/be too toxic for normal functioning, resulting in BP or SZ.

This month was the first time I increased the dose of NAC, and I think that it is stabilizing and grounding at this dose (3,000 mg a day for the week of hormonal issues). I made it through the time of month that I usually have obsessive thoughts/ anxiety and I feel very stable. I'll continue to try this every month and see if it continues to be this stabilizing. I'll report back to you guys.

[MusicLover82]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

This month was the first time I increased the dose of NAC, and I think that it is stabilizing and grounding at this dose (3,000 mg a day for the week of hormonal issues). I made it through the time of month that I usually have obsessive thoughts/ anxiety and I feel very stable. I'll continue to try this every month and see if it continues to be this stabilizing. I'll report back to you guys.

P.S. It's hard to tell if my obsessive thoughts/ anxiety are related to elevated mood or depressed mood, but I know it's either mixed state or depression, because I feel more negative and agitated around the times in happens, and more caffeine helps me feel better (my usual fix for mild depression). I've started tracking these moods and obsessive/worried thoughts "attacks." I'm hoping I can figure out the solution, but so far NAC seems like it might be it.

[Icare dixit]

I am self-sabotaging/-destructive/-damaging. It is something you can't really win, fighting yourself rather than "just" mania and depression.

It's like what some with autonomously self-sustaining anxiety have, but where they have anxiety which makes thing nearly impossible, for me, far too often, it makes things really impossible.

All I can do is work around that by using mania, keeping it as mild as possible, to do some things. Stability doesn't work, too manic doesn't work, all hypomania is too much like stability. So, basically, I have to destabilise and stabilise/control so that I may work within a very narrow margin of functional behaviour, but mostly just thinking, not doing.

Mild depression is a period in which I can work as well, but just mostly doing, not thinking.

It is very difficult. I still don't really know how to work best within these parameters. The dynamics are crazy and probably far more complicated or different than what I described.

Trippin2.0, what do you mean by self-sacrificing, exactly?

Originally Posted by baseline

Mine is being to trusting! I continually believe that people are inherently good.

i think, mine's the total opposite

not really trusting anyone

well, that, or never finding the words for what i actually want to say- meaning that conversations are usually pretty 1-sided

[Skeezyks]

Endless self-criticism... & boundless ANGER!

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Trippin2.0, what do you mean by self-sacrificing, exactly?

I mean I put myself before others always, unfortunately to my own detriment.


Sure we can argue that many people do this, and they do. But the reason I do it plays a huge role. I do it firstly because I feel like everyone matters more than me, and I do it in order to not disrupt my relationships, to prove I'm not worthless, a chronic fear of abandonment has me tirelessly proving I'm worth sticking around for.


And at this point it's bloody exhausting I tell u, especially since alot of people are unappreciative aholes (I'm working on cutting them out) and since some people leave anyway.

Besides being exhausting, this self-sacrifice BS has me very angry at myself more often than not, and I have an ugly temper.

Do I sound a bit peeved? I probably am, bf is going to work abroad in a few weeks. So my BPD is raging right now.


Hopefully round two of DBT and individual therapy helps me finally rectify this behaviour. My T was quite upset last week (for me) at the injustice and me not getting that I don't have to be this way, that I do deserve to have my needs met as well.


Blech, maybe one day I will believe him.

I've never met a person who didn't have a multitude of obvious issues or things they should work on if they could see it themselves. I've met a few who felt they were perfect, but that goes back to the original point.

So the primarily flaw of all, is humanness. And you can't beat yourself up for that. You didn't get as much choice as you may think in the decision.