Hello, folks,

I'm not too clear about the times of some of these episodes but I do think that I recall my doctor played with diagnosing me with BPII when I went through my first massive spending spree, amongst other reasons. In the past month or so he has thrown Schizoaffective on my chart.

I am not allowing myself to search for symptoms of any mental illness because of what I think may be an irrational fear, but I don't want to take a chance betting if it's rational or irrational. I also feel as though I might have had 5-6 genuine delusional days. These weren't any sort of days full of sensory hallucinations; the only thing that I feel comfortable divulging is that these delusions, when fit together, explained everything. I still think that I may be right, I'm just a little skeptical about how I could explain it to anyone.

But to my topic: spending sprees can be a sign of hypomanic episodes, I think? People who have BPII may be prone to having hypomanic (not hypermanic , although you can have one or the other?). Do I understand that correctly?

I think that it was December 2015 that I had my two-day $8,500+ spending spree. What I haven't told anyone (although I'm on a first name basis with the delivery folks and my caregiver has to manage unpacking and getting the shipping boxes to the dumpster) is that I never really stopped spending. If I even come within $10,000 on a credit card limit, the banks will double my limit. Or more. I have two accounts with Barclays and I received two noticed in the mail telling me that they were increasing my limit on one card to $30K and to $34K on the other. And those are just TWO cards. The two that I use most often. I have various other Visa/Amex/MasterCard accounts and five other store cards for a total of 13 credit cards.

I have a very realistic fear that I might be approaching the point of overextending myself. It isn't a problem yet. I know what I need to pay my monthly expenses but I don't use any sort of budgeting to manage my money... I do it all in my head. And my memory is a little shot right now so I'll get unexpected deliveries and open the boxes to see what in the world I ordered.

About ten days ago I ordered $193 of Swiss Colony summer sausage and cheese. I ate one of the individual sized sausages and it made me sick. The cheeses – Colby, Swiss and Cheddar – all taste the same.

I feel as if I have written all of this here previously. Not only the part about the credit cards, but also my FICO score and the Swiss Colony stuff. I'm just having these giant memory losses and even though I'm able to watch my every movement, I haven't found a good, inexpensive keylogger for iOS. I need to be more diligent about looking for that.

And yesterday, I ordered $600+ for two more pair of reading glasses and more underwear. At the suggestion of a friend I ordered a different type of underwear than I have ever tried. They feel luxurious – nothing like the Brooks Brothers boxers that I was accustomed to wearing. I'm approaching having nearly 100 pair of these new boxer/briefs in just over a month. I had to buy a larger chest of drawers so that my caregiver could have room to store them.

I don't know how much I've written. I cannot re-read what I've written any longer but I can't say why, either.

So. Has anyone with BPII ever had this problem with spending sprees that seem to go on and on? If so, is there any type of treatment for it? Meds? Therapy? SOS? I am wary of what to tell my therapist lately and I feel a little reluctant to tell him this.

I don't want to do anything weird like cutting my cards... but if there's anyone who has gone through this I would really appreciate it if you could explain what you feel when you have the need or the urge to spend (particularly online, if that's applicable) or, if it's a catalog or online or out of stock purchase, what it feels like as you're awaiting arrival.

If you get to the point where you can open the packaging and actually see the purchased item(s) (I use the "if" because sometimes I can't get that far — seeing "Apple Watch Edition" along with the description is usually as good as viewing or feeling the object itself), what do you feel then?

Not really "finally," but close — what do you do with your purchase(s)? Do you just go ahead and use the merchandise? Do you return it (if possible)? Do you hide it? Throw it away? Give it away? I'd really like to know the answer to this question!

I'll play by the rules and answer my own questions first.

My "trigger" to get into spending spree mode is any kind of message that reminds me of my almost limitless credit and a kind of "you deserve the best" way of thinking.

As an example – shortly after finally receiving my iPad Pro (which I kinda/sorta ordered with a case (the Apple keyboard and the silicone back) I still wanted a leather case. There were quite a few in the $40-75 range that looked very nice but I paid almost $300 for a custom made leather case. It's in my Apple Stuff box in my den (along with three additional iPhones, four additional Apple Watches and three additional iPad Pro's with one used iPad Air 2). The Apple box is also crammed with accessories. I have one iPad Pro screen protector that I use and nine within retail packaging in the box that have never been used. I don't know what made me think that I needed ten screen protectors, but when I saw one that I thought might be better than others, I bought two of each.

I'm not going to go on and on about my boxes. With my caregivers help, my purchases are well sorted

I'll just say that I think that I am, at the start, looking for self gratification and that my available credit makes me forget that my monthly statement is going to show up in my inbox or mailbox at any time. So that's my "reason" (I think?) for actually going shopping on the Internet. Maybe my "justification" would be a better word.

(I need to include this in my signature but, for those who don't know, I have no legs and I am unable to transfer to an automobile, hence the necessity of shopping online.)

So money isn't (yet) a problem and when the trigger hits I've already convinced myself that I have a genuine need for something – I'm just not certain what. Yesterday, feeling how comfortable these underwear are and having nothing at hand to clean my glasses, I visited the UA website and spent $200 or so there and then travelled to the absolute finest eyeglass site on the web – coolframes – and bought two pair of reading glasses, at $193 and $182. Just short of $600 and that's a small figure for my weekly purchases.

Between the time that I decide to make a purchase, through the time that I'm shopping and even up to the day that I receive a message which includes my tracking information, I'm emotionally elated. I feel better and have a little more energy. I have two apps that I use to track packages but I prefer one, named "Deliveries," and from the moment that I actually "see" the package(s) move from place to place I feel (this is going to sound bizarre and I'm wondering if I should even mention it) a kind of sexual anticipation. The shopping even has a kind of sexual feeling.

When the package(s) arrive I go into an almost frenzied feeling to open them.

If there are, for example, items that have even more packaging, I just set the items to the side. If it's underwear or other clothing items in clear bag, I'll just set them on the sofa for my caregiver to wash before I wear anything.

I will sometimes take items out of the packaging if it's a first for me. I wear and use my first Apple Watch Edition. I don't know what my reasoning is when I order, for example, three or four of the same Watch. Every one of them is the same.

My hypergraphia has been really giving me some problems lately. And Friday was the last day that I slept. I'm sleepy now but I know that I couldn't sleep if I tried right now.

IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE IN THIS ERRATIC MESSAGE, PLEASE READ THE THIS PORTION OF MY MY MESSAGE, PLEASE!!!l

1. I have, I think, some kind of fixation concerning shopping sprees.
2. It begins with any kind of trigger that reminds me that I have a large amount of available credit
3. When I realize I that I can purchase almost anything, I feel an urge (almost sexual) to shop

-----------

02/03/2016

Yes, that was written on Sunday, January 31. I seem to have copied the text to an editor and continued the list until I was exhausted. I've already deleted that part, the remainder, of the message, as it seemed over-indulgent, going through each feeling that I experienced along the way, from the tingle of deciding to shop along and along until my regrets of purchasing.

I just want to know if others share these spending sprees and, if so, if they just go on and on or if there is some method of reducing the urge? They aren't, as I said, a problem yet but I feel as if they could become a problem.

Thanks,

[wiretwister]

I have a limited debit card for emergencies and a little cash for lunch and such ... but I never have access to any real money ... no credit cards or checks ... wife has them all ...

Originally Posted by wiretwister

I have a limited debit card for emergencies and a little cash for lunch and such ... but I never have access to any real money ... no credit cards or checks ... wife has them all ...

Unfortunately, I have no friends or family that I can help manage my finances. There are agencies that would help but I feel a particular pride in restoring my credit from nothing to excellent within less than three years.

I thought of putting them in my safety deposit box but, unfortunately again, I have an eidetic memory for numbers and can recall every one of my credit card numbers since my first in 1975.

So not having access to cards won't help. The only check that I write is my monthly rent check.

I don't even know if this is a symptom of a mental disorder or what. I may just feel like I'm entitled to spend money lately.

Bugger.

[pirilin]

Well, it's kind of long do you think. I bet you love to spend money.
Not many do. Congratulations!!!.

Originally Posted by pirilin

Well, it's kind of long do you think. I bet you love to spend money.
Not many do. Congratulations!!!.

Um, yes, the length has been noted.

Once I added everything up, my sprees came out to over $20,000.

I didn't think of it as spending money at the time. I wanted the stuff. And then it got here and I wanted more stuff. It was the anticipation that brought on the thrill; I don't love spending money at all. I don't know about others.

I don't think that congratulations are really called for; I unplugged my phone this morning because I had two creditors calling, literally, every 2-3 minutes.

I've never been in a situation like this. I'm, honestly, terrified.

[zepchic]

I have a spending problem too; no one except my therapist and pdoc know about it. My husband turns a blind eye. Sounds like uncontrolled mania

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes my 200 Barbie dolls.
But I buy my reading glasses at the 99cent store.
No matter I always pay card balance in full. % is too high.
My friend goes to a store, shops for hours,fills the cart. Then leaves the full cart in the store.
Then she goes for a coffee.

[Coconutzo]

Ooooh, how I love to spend!
I love any sort of overindulgence when I'm in that euphoric mood. I must buy many multiples, and the sillier the sexier! I get so excited about absurdities and play things. Sequins, sparkles, leotards, hot pants, books on every subject imaginable, shoes, lingerie, silly parties and nights on the town for EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
Thousands of dollars up in smoke every summer, and it feels so good!! My heart is pounding so hard just thinking about it! I buy one(stack of[always multiples, remember]) things and it whips me right up into a little miracle tornado of giddiness. And then the little miracle tornado goes to market and buys more! Before you know it, she grows garishly gigantic and I can't stop her! (Though I would never want to) That monster tornado then propels properly into more preposterous manic proportions.
Lol
I have a lot of debt because of this. BUT THE GIDDINESS!
The indulgence is delicious.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by zepchic

I have a spending problem too; no one except my therapist and pdoc know about it. My husband turns a blind eye. Sounds like uncontrolled mania

This is the first that I've really been scared. I had two accounts that I couldn't pay anything on. When I say they are calling every 2-3 minutes, starting at 8 in the morning until 9 at night, I'm not exaggerating.

With the phone line unplugged, I don't hear the ringing. I know that I should do something - and quickly - but I'm frightened. I spent the money, I have to pay it back. Or file for bankruptcy.

Right now, I'm just avoiding the problem. My therapist knows. It was my first manic episode 3-4 months. Now I get them daily but I don't spend.

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

Ooooh, how I love to spend!
I love any sort of overindulgence when I'm in that euphoric mood. I must buy many multiples, and the sillier the sexier! I get so excited about absurdities and play things. Sequins, sparkles, leotards, hot pants, books on every subject imaginable, shoes, lingerie, silly parties and nights on the town for EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
Thousands of dollars up in smoke every summer, and it feels so good!! My heart is pounding so hard just thinking about it! I buy one(stack of[always multiples, remember]) things and it whips me right up into a little miracle tornado of giddiness. And then the little miracle tornado goes to market and buys more! Before you know it, she grows garishly gigantic and I can't stop her! (Though I would never want to) That monster tornado then propels properly into more preposterous manic proportions.
Lol
I have a lot of debt because of this. BUT THE GIDDINESS!
The indulgence is delicious.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I thought that I was the only person who felt the need to buy multiples. It's not as if iPhones, iPads, etc., are consumables, but I have boxes full. I should put them on eBay. I have to do something but I'm too ill to do anything right now.

I've been on hypomania-fueled spending sprees too. I also have good credit and have a comfortable income and just feel the desire to indulge myself by buying whatever i want. I have to start thinking about retirement tho as i'm 50 and on disability benefits with no pension fund. The last two Springs i've been on renovation manias but thankfully didn't get out of the planning stages. This Spring my hypomania is no where to be found so hopefully i will skip it.

What about diverting yourself with some other activity? I guess with no legs it's a challenge. I play competitive Scrabble online -- something like that? A good memory is a big advantage in Scrabble. I play at a club and there's a guy in a wheel chair there too. You can play chess online too. Or doing some kind of art -- painting, for example. There's reading, too. Netflix.

It sounds like you've got a serious problem with the compulsive shopping. It's really important to find a solution. Shopping is such a soulless activity.

[r010159]

Please allow me to relate to you my spending sprees as an example. I have gone through $50,000 a year on my $18,000 yearly disability check. Now I have no money in the bank worth talking abiut. Bank accounts are not unlimited. But before I ended up at zero, I started to invest in antiques and other collectibles. So I still have something to show for my last $60,000 spent, which I had "invested" within several months.

I did purchase most of those things at or near market value. So I have not done too terribly bad. But it will take me a long time to sell just one antique. This may actually turn out to be a good thing. I needed some money to pay for painting the house. So I have put up one collectible for sale. It has been two weeks now and there is one interested person. I am selling at the highest possible price, but I may end up lowering the price and selling it within a week.

Anyway, what I am getting at here is spending sprees IMO are eventually very harmful to ones bank account. I think this is the unavoidable consequence. This is particularly true for someone on disability like myself. Limited funds with limited income. A terrible poace to be that cannot be used to pay off additional future debts. So even though I am quite good at keeping good credit, I have come within the "skin of my teeth" to damaging that. All I need is some surprise expense like replacing the roof to take care of that and ruin my credit. I will not be able to financially crawl out of a situation like that because there is simply no more money. I think this is something the OP should think about. Good credit is only possible if you are able to pay off the debt. If you cannot, then bad credit will follow. Once you are without good credit, you are screwed.

Tucson

Originally Posted by r010159

Please allow me to relate to you my spending sprees as an example. I have gone through $50,000 a year on my $18,000 yearly disability check. Now I have no money in the bank worth talking abiut. Bank accounts are not unlimited. But before I ended up at zero, I started to invest in antiques and other collectibles. So I still have something to show for my last $60,000 spent, which I had "invested" within several months.

I did purchase most of those things at or near market value. So I have not done too terribly bad. But it will take me a long time to sell just one antique. This may actually turn out to be a good thing. I needed some money to pay for painting the house. So I have put up one collectible for sale. It has been two weeks now and there is one interested person. I am selling at the highest possible price, but I may end up lowering the price and selling it within a week.

Anyway, what I am getting at here is spending sprees IMO are eventually very harmful to ones bank account. I think this is the unavoidable consequence. This is particularly true for someone on disability like myself. Limited funds with limited income. A terrible poace to be that cannot be used to pay off additional future debts. So even though I am quite good at keeping good credit, I have come within the "skin of my teeth" to damaging that. All I need is some surprise expense like replacing the roof to take care of that and ruin my credit. I will not be able to financially crawl out of a situation like that because there is simply no more money. I think this is something the OP should think about. Good credit is only possible if you are able to pay off the debt. If you cannot, then bad credit will follow. Once you are without good credit, you are screwed.

Tucson

Yep. I'm headed to the "screwed" stage, if not already there. My SSDI benefits bring in just under $23K per annum (apparently a high amount because paid so much into it) but I can't make even minimum payments on some of my accounts. This is the second month. I'm not willing to look at my credit score.

I went so long with keeping my spending in hand, proud of my high credit scores and avalaible credit (though I knew that I would never, never spend that much). I got those "good credit deals," and life was grand.

I had never had any sort of manic episode and I didn't know anything about them; the spending sprees or the hypersexuality. The spending sprees - never had one before in my life. It's only now that I'm beginning to understand what felt so good about them. Same for the hypersexual episodes. The long months of hypomania were completely new and I don't know why I wasn't able to control myself or consider the consequences.

I'm all over the place now. I don't believe that my diagnoses are right, or at least not complete, and I'm anxious to see my new pdoc next week. Things aren't stable: I don't know what I'll feel from one hour to the next and I'm not accustomed to that.

I'm scared that this is going to screw up my "independent living" abilities and that I'll be headed back to the nursing home. I say that I know what to do but I don't, really. I've never had this type of experience. I've never been in debt like this. Never gone on a spending spree. I still don't understand why. It's as if it wasn't me doing it; I've been overly conscience of the consequences of my actions for 18 years.

And now I'm scared.

[zepchic]

I can really relate to your statement that "It's as if it wasn't me doing it" I have a really hard time differentiating from my manic or depressed self/behaviors. Our behavior says so much about who we are, but it seems so out of my control sometimes. Best of luck to you.

BP1 here with a few delusional episodes. When I am hypo/manic I have a thirst for adventure - which is expensive and fuels a massive spending spree ($100,000 in 10mos). Things like a jeep, world travel, adventure tours, and repetitive thrill seeking behaviour. I never felt regret during this period of my life which only fuelled more spending.

And, I don't recall a single person questioning my spending - in fact I found I was surrounded by people eager to be part of the ride - which I funded.

I just can't control my spending. As soon as I have it I spend it. I ALWAYS come up with a justification for the purchases.