Feeling a little weird and unsure

I’ve had a few weeks now where Im just not functioning as well as I used to.

Last week I had problems sleeping and was down to 3-4 hours of bad sleep every night, and then on Wednesday 13th I got an email where I got a reply I did not want and I was completely broken down crying and not wanting to do anything anymore. I got a bottle of wine and sat down with Harry Potter movies to try to make the day better. Half a bottle later I am in the bathroom laughing like crazy and when I saw my own reflection in the mirror I was sure it was “the evil me from another dimension”. I managed to pull myself together, go and take my meds and continue to watch HP.

After Wednesday, I have been so tired and flat, i keep pronouncing words wrong and I sleep too much. Today I slept 15 hours. Its just get up, go to work, and go home to sleep again. I also worked all weekend.

I don’t know what I am feeling.
I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. And I’m so worried about losing track of reality again.

Meds are rendered useless if you drink alcohol or do drugs on them. Take the meds, stop drinking and things will improve. Drinking makes bipolar worse.

I know, but that seems like an impossible thing to do. I have already cut down on the drinking, but I am stuggling a lot with quitting completely. I have not had any problems with drinking at all in a long time.

You can do it, just don't drink today. Don't touch it. Pour it out. Go to an AA meeting. Reach out for help to an addictions therapist. I went to rehab, then intensive outpatient therapy, AA, and now a program called aftercare. My life has opened up into a fabulous new world. I'm painting cool pictures, playing the guitar, writing poetry. Best of all, I have friends. It's not always happy but it's a life I am loving. I am starting to love myself instead of drinking 'at' things I am dealing with it as it comes up. Addiction is horrible and it sounds like you are starting to kick it in its ugly *** by getting honest about it. Addiction is the only disease that says you don't have one. If a drunk and a drug addict like me could get sober, anyone can. You can do it. Pray.

I didn't drink for 12 years.
I think although it's bad to drink on Meds, the Meds make me want to drink.
I take it easy. Maybe 2 shots every 3 days.
I don't notice much difference. But I'm not alcoholic. But most in my family are,so I need to be extra careful.
I went to AA just as company for a friend. But we couldn't admit our psych Meds. Wtf?
Maybe a bipolar support group thru DBSA. I go once per week. No judgements there.