this bothers me

It's not impossible it is actually rather severe in your case, just from reading your posts, because you might suppress it. So it doesn't happen often, but if it happens it's severe.

You might then be in some constant, mild mixed state (with or maybe only without meds). You might then stop mania, just by relatively quickly surging anxiety, before it can develop into something that becomes worse by anxiety. Panic attacks, the most extreme form of surging anxiety and fear, may even stop mixed state pole switching, stabilising you. However, if your thoughts speed up very quickly, it might be (the start of or very brief) psychosis rather than (just, in some ways) a panic attack, like a very, very short psychotic mania.

Severe mania is more about impression than expression. That makes the BP syndromal description less useful: quite a few symptoms/signs you may not have because you have gone so quickly beyond that stage (due to anxiety and fear) where you might display those symptoms.

Excess energy, lack of appetite and self-transcendence (exactly what you describe) are the only real symptoms that you can probably always rely on to distinguish mania from a normal state.

Risky behaviour is really only "required" to make mild mania more severe. If it's already severe, the risks are high enough or too high (giving feelings of ecstasy or extreme anxiety/fear of losing control, much like a panic attack but with perceptual distortions typical of mania, not (just) dissociation).

I used to think my symptoms weren't severe enough for BP treatment. What I discovered is that it's actually quite/very severe. I also have the schizoaffective disorder diagnosis and probably for that reason.

Meds make me display more BP symptoms because it makes mania less severe and reduces the time I am in a mixed state.

Another important reason why it may (and, honestly, probably) is more severe: much of BP is per se about signs rather than symptoms, really. It's about how others see you, while you might not, probably don't fully or at all, recognise it.

I needed people to tell me I was basically, crazy. I had no idea that I was in any way before that time.

I thought it was dyslexia together with anxiety. Others really saw me as crazy and somewhat dangerous maybe, even. I kept believing it must've been what I would admit maybe being, an anxiety disorder.

It took months of enduring mania and mixed states and manically goal-directed (scientific) research to find out for myself that it was BP.

Even though I was extremely manic for a very long time, I still thought it was probably subsyndromal, not severe enough to warrant treatment.

That experience convinced me it really was BP. I was rather chronically delusional for most of my life, but only very gradually I came to recognise that it was very much off. I did know there was something going horribly wrong, but I didn't recognise it as severe depression for years with lots of incapacitating, disabling, confining delusions and some hallucinations (I have quite a lot of disorganisation and delusions, but not very obvious hallucinations and not very often, or frankly I don't care much or fear them much, sometimes only recognise them as such (years) afterwards, but they did have an influence, pretty much completely below the radar).

It's basically disorganised SZ with a means of escape in BP. I had no idea whatsoever most of my life. I just couldn't or didn't do stuff. I had a vague idea others had it a lot easier, but that's it. I didn't know to what extent that was true.

I was really relieved when I was diagnosed bp. It helped me cope with and explain some of my ****** behavior.
Honestly, if I had two docs tell me something, I'd be likely to believe it. Nine pdocs is really a lot. I'm sure one can be bp without fitting some cookie cutter mold.

I didn't know you went into a mania when you went into the psychosis. I'm not a pdoc but that does sound like bp to me. It took me a couple of years to finally accept it. But I believe you will. You're posting on a bp forum, that's the beginning I believe...

Oh, is this the BP forum! I must've missed a turn somewhere...

That's why nobody understands me.

Don't worry icare. I understand you now.

Okay. So I had a light bulb moment before. I see now what my pdoc was getting at by the mood fluctuation thing. She kept on saying that I haven't just been hospitalized for depression, and that obviously I'm not depressed all of the time. I know what she was getting at now! I mean, I actually understand her point. Twice was for mania situations, once was for PPD and for the last one I guess I was depressed.

This is so obvious. Lol!

I don't just have depression episodes. I have mania related episodes too.

They may not involve spending tons of money or running down streets naked or jumping off buildings, but I have my own mania version.

Oh duh. Haha. So obvious. I guess I am bipolar!

Welcome to the club!

I was finally glad to know that there was a name associated to what I was feeling. I went for years wondering what was wrong guy with me? Why did I act this way? Why do I feel like this? Why me?! Once I got a diagnosis, I was like, thank you!! It all made sense. I just don't make a big deal about it when talking to other people. Others don't know if you are stabilized unless you tell them. It's when people see you during an episode is when people look at you funny.

It's always easier to remember the depressive episodes than the manic ones. They feel horrible while mania is freaking awesome, so who would complain? But then if it goes in the wrong direction and you have a psychotic break or other repercussions, well....

My depressions feel like the end of the world? My depressions feel like the end of the world I have a man feels like the isolated sad extremely tired suicidal . I hypomania on top of the world extremely happy energize. It also comes in the form of anger and irritability a become very vindictive during this period of time . When I mixed it feels like life is a façade.