[Pearl9327]

I don't know what is happening, but I am out of control as of late - or almost.

A couple of weeks ago, I flipped out for no reason. I was calm until I was given an assignment at work, and then I went beserk. In my head, I started ranting and raving about everything - how the world is unfair, you can't trust anyone, there's too many games to play in the world, people treat you like *****, etc. I got so riled up, that I wanted to cry but I couldn't. When I got home, I cut myself five times. They were shallow cuts, but the fact that I hurt myself for the first time in nearly 10 years is something.

I told my psychiatrist, who ordered me to the ER. There, I was evaluated and diagnosed with depression and general bipolar.

I have been feeling very stressed and emotional as of late. At first, I thought it was my menstrual cycle causing extreme PMS. But now, it seems like my biochemistry is out of whack. I take Abilify 5 mg to regulate my emotions, and my psychiatrist amped it up to 7mg. Looks like I might need 10 or so. I've ben flying into rages over the slightest things. Today, anyone who bumped into me on the streets I nearly cursed out, or muttered "retarded a**hole" or the like. I'm a walking hurricane now!

Also, I have been emotionally distressed. Last year, I was the target of vicious gossip and slander, and to this day, I don't feel comfortable around certain people in my social group. I don't know who said what, but I know someone slandered me (probably because I was having a hypomanic episode and was acting oddly) and now I don't feel comfortable around the people I suspect slandered me. Yeah, I shouldn't let this bother me and I should move on, but they haven't. That's probably why I am being triggered. I'm still living the ramifications of that slander. I am seriously considering leaving this social group, which won't be easy because I've been so involved and grown a lot with them. But maybe this is a clear sign that I need to move on.

Anyway, anyone know what is going on or can relate? How can I calm down? I'm going crazy!

I'm seeing my therapist on Monday. I might need to take a leave of absence from work too if I need to calm down.

Yes, I relate. In my case, my situation reopened old PTSD wounds. Is it possible you are struggling with some PTSD over what happened to you?

[Pearl9327]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Yes, I relate. In my case, my situation reopened old PTSD wounds. Is it possible you are struggling with some PTSD over what happened to you?

Hmm, that might be it. There could be some PTSD because not only was I slandered, but I also was sexually harassed. It was very traumatizing for me, so yes, maybe I am having PTSD. I'll mention this to my therapist.

Best of luck to you. If it's PTSD, I hear they have treatment for it. I need treatment from my fiascos but my doctor is more concerned with treating my hypo right now, otherwise I'd offer some advise on what could help. For me, it's distractions and reminding myself they cannot win. It helps s bit. ((Hugs))

[Pearl9327]

Is it possible that I'm having a hypomanic episode right now? Oh gosh, I hope not!

Originally Posted by Pearl9327

I don't know what is happening, but I am out of control as of late - or almost.

A couple of weeks ago, I flipped out for no reason. I was calm until I was given an assignment at work, and then I went beserk. In my head, I started ranting and raving about everything - how the world is unfair, you can't trust anyone, there's too many games to play in the world, people treat you like *****, etc. I got so riled up, that I wanted to cry but I couldn't...Today, anyone who bumped into me on the streets I nearly cursed out, or muttered "retarded a**hole" or the like. I'm a walking hurricane now!...
Anyway, anyone know what is going on or can relate? How can I calm down? I'm going crazy!.

I can relate to these. Trust and games are major issues for me."Walking hurricane" -- I'll have to remember that one, because it's a good description. Irritable and agitated are a bad combo. Many, many examples, but a couple that come to mind is seriously wanting to throw down when someone touched my food on a grocery checkout. Or totally flipping out from the sound of two small beads clacking. Kind of funny now, but at the time... not so much! ( I can't speak for your situation, but the bead one was when I figured out those kinds of things were indicators of an upswing for me.)

As for what to do... I try to "self-quarantine". I'll tell my BF what I'm doing. It's better for everyone, as dealing with people is... Well, you know. It doesn't take much.

One thing that I recently discovered. Backstory-- my car stopped working months ago and no money to fix it, which means I've been taking transit. Well, that's pretty much the opposite of above, right? Haha. BUT. Now to the discovery. It (completely!) eliminates road aggravation, which was a problem. It does help to ride off-peak of course. I haven't had much experience with being in a sustained episode of that state (yet), but mention it if it's of any use with that facet of combativeness.

Edited to add-- it was the hypersensitivity with the bead thing that was the tip off.

[Pearl9327]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

As for what to do... I try to "self-quarantine". I'll tell my BF what I'm doing. It's better for everyone, as dealing with people is... Well, you know. It doesn't take much.

Self-quarantine seems like a good idea. I flew off the handle again yesterday, and even broke down into hysterical tears. I feel like my group of friends are traitors who are against me. I even irrationally took a few off Facebook, though maybe it was a good idea? I don't know. But I am losing it now.

I just emailed my psychiatrist about all of this. Maybe I need new meds, and probably a leave of absence from work, if I can get one.