[Icare dixit]

Some people suffered too little, some too much at their hands. But they don't mean to, they are misinformed and it's unsettling. Most people fear us, that their beliefs might be wrong. That they are much like us.

Maybe I wrote this especially for people that will ignore it. But I truly love those few on the true fringes that might feel similarly conflicted.

Here goes:
It was nice to know I wasn't the only one[, knowing others were most like me, all diagnosed with BP or SZ or similar].

I didn't know what I had was a severe period of depression before that time. I just thought I changed, forgot everything and had to start my life over.

I didn't know why I ran off the tracks. I didn't know why there were periods I couldn't function at all.

But it's difficult to to get back on track when you suffered for so long and strayed from the path so far. I may start to miss suffering. My suffering. Not very consciously besides knowing I do. Not deliberately. I need some of that. But no-one or only few understand that. It's rather obvious really, though, much like withdrawal.

But while I now know how things are called and people are as gifted as I am and some suffered like I did, it hasn't really given me a better understanding. They tried to make me believe some false beliefs, like how I'm both a victim and perpetrator, the latter the part of me that isn't me, that is pathological.

But the meds are helpful. But the moment I find working alternatives I'll do everything in my power to rid us of psychiatry. To make it and show that it is, has become, useless, a waste and worse, manipulative, victimising, cruel and not completely unlike a blackmail operation. Meds are my Trojan horse.

I also find it very, very regrettable that those that need it most don't get meds and those that don't really need it do. Just because they don't trust psychiatry. Of course they don't. They are gifted enough to know they shouldn't. But we should just pretend until psychiatry no longer coerces us by such vicious means.

((((Hugs)))). Let me know the moment you have it figured out, please. I told you about the puzzle pieces, I feel like I'm solving a puzzle for my wellness, and if I just figure something out, I can go without meds. I'll share if I figure anything out too. (((Hugs)))

[annmaria]

I just posted about how long does the depression cycle last. Icare dixit your post says it as it is. I can identify with all of what you have written. It took me hospitalization to accept that I am ill and need meds for now.

At the beginning of my mania I heard the words hospital psych ward, I went through the response mode. I decided to fight the mental health service. They were wrong I was right etc. Eventually I lost was committed involuntary worst experience of my life. But it was also a wake up call, I was ill. After 5 weeks in hospital went home and stopped all treatments. I then went into a crash, what goes up must come down. I came down with a bang, but my mind was rational. I realised that I needed to sort my moods out, back to the psych, back on medication. When you do find an alternative to the psych system and meds I will be also jumping on board. If I discover an alternative I will be sure to share also.

Thank you

Annmaria

[Icare dixit]

Thank you, Annmaria! I can very much relate to your experience.

I don't like to call it an illness, but that's just semantics (you could very well argue it is; being a linguist, I do think semantics are very important though: it can influence and warp your views, but as long you know that, it's fine, much like things you could/should try to prevent or lessen the negative effects of psychosis/delusions).

Once I find the things that really work (before getting too toxic or with really bad side-effects), I'll of course share them. I also share the things I try so they may be replicated or missing pieces of the (biochemical, cf. psychological, which I'll share just by writing here) puzzle can be worked on by others or lack of (scientific) rigour can be brought to my attention (of course it's not gonna be science-grade, but science is slow).

We could join efforts and coordinate, if some others try the same supplements/substitutes. Especially because I won't change my mood stabiliser. That's too risky and the effects difficult to control for: you can easily discontinue antipsychotics for a while, but a mood stabiliser is more unpredictable and it takes too long to do a proper comparison of different combinations.

But don't feel like you have to. Maybe it's best to try other stuff. But please do share what you try as well as what works. That's proper science (as in the method, not in practice, maybe especially or at least as well, with psych meds, sadly).

Thanks again for the moral support and for sharing your experiences.



The more daily experimenting I'll post in the check-in thread, just so you know. I'll maybe also create a "digest thread".

[annmaria]

i am very sensitive to meds, have tried most anti-psychotic. Had lots of side effects and the latest ones risperdal not helping. pdoc wants to try lamictal long term really need to get moods under control.

Once stabilised then i can start looking at other treatments. I am in a bad head space at the moment. I will be delighted to share.

Thanks again

Annmaria

[Icare dixit]

Lamictal is great (compared to other mood stabilisers). I hope it works for you and you don't get a life-threatening rash (very small chance), but I hope you were informed about that. I mention it just in case.

[annmaria]

the luck I have with meds it could be definitely something to watch out for!!