Am I manic or do I really want to work on Wall Street?

I woke up last night 3 hours after falling asleep. I had a sudden idea I wanted to change my major to finance and work on Wall Street. I was going to go to Wall Street parties, wine and dine with major players. I realized something wasn't right so I took an extra Geodon and went back to sleep, but ever since then I've had the idea that I want to study finance and work on Wall Street. The thing is, when I first started college last fall, it was for finance, and I hated it so I switched. And I'm happier now. I just keep getting the idea all day today that I'm supposed to work on Wall Street, even though that wouldn't be the best thing for my illness, and it's probably highly unlikely. I see my pdoc in two days. But part of me now wants to switch back to finance. I love numbers, but that still doesn't equate a job in finance. I'm just worried because it seems like every time I have a mood episode I change my mind on what I want to do. And I'm a very rapid cycler so hypomanic and manic episodes happen frequently. It's just part of me still thinks this is really me that has the dream of working on Wall Street. Idk. Hopefully my pdoc ups my Topamax dose soon.

be wary of any sudden urge to make a big decision

I see you're on remeron, that caused manic episodes for me in the past. got off it and things turned around pretty quickly. so you might want to consider that. does kinda sound like a manic thing to do though.

My new pdoc is against remeron for bipolar and he wants to wean me off of it. So I guess I might have to try a different antidepressant.

Equity finance is a blood sport with no mercy. To get a decent gig, you usually have to put in long hours at a desk and learn the business. Or you need to get lucky and land with a firm that scores a big hit somewhere down the line. You truly "start at the bottom" on Wall St.

I have a Masters in Finance and I chose to teach instead of putting myself through that atmosphere, no matter where I lived. The only real players on Wall St are the analysts, the brokers, the fund managers, and the investment bankers. It's hard to break into that crowd. NYC chews a lot of people up......and those that make it sometimes have to sell their souls to get to the top. Furthermore, most of the top dogs usually have a CFA and that is one NASTY exam to pass.

If you still like finance, I recommend getting with a standard company and work their numbers internally. The money is still very good - usually $80K plus to start. Very few people want to work with numbers so the demand is always solid.

It's probably better to choose a more stable path in life when you have BP. What is your major now?

Be careful, I've changed my major three times for who knows why...it just added on more debt. Take a break between semesters if possible. Good luck!

"It's just part of me still thinks this is really me that has the dream of working on Wall Street."

I learned the hard way how chasing a dream, that was just a delusion, can become a cleanup operation, sigh. My dreams have to be grounded in reality, which isn't so bad, I guess. Good luck sorting this out.

Ohhh if I had this kind of thinking I'd definitely be manic.

You did mention less sleep.

Hopefully you'll get to speak to your pdoc soon to discuss this to determine where it's coming from.

My major now is English. I eventually would like to be a librarian.

I'd imagine that the incredible pressure, stress, working hours and cutthroat competition of the kind of "Wall Street" career that you're contemplating would be a terrible trigger for your illness. You could spend years in school (and perhaps go hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt) preparing to work for an I-bank, then burn out of the entire industry in your first eight months on the job after being activated into high-functioning and highly-motivated mania by the pressure and excitement, only to crash into a depression when the mania inevitably runs its course.

This happened to me working for Netscape in Silicon Valley with a breakdown that ended a lucrative career in corporate software. The glamour and riches of a high-stakes Wall Street (or Silicon Valley) career is great for those willing to make the necessary sacrifices, but you may have already learned enough about the limitations imposed on your life by your illness to know that certain aspirations are reasonably off-limits.

Sorry for sounding negative and not encouraging your aspirations, but with full-blown bipolar disorder, a long and expensive preparation for a brush with the real Wall Street could destroy you.

I'll soften my message by concluding with a to the BBC feeding a farting wombat.

A librarian is the polar opposite of a Wall Street shark