Psychotherapy

Ok, this may sound rather ridiculous or unanswerable or something, but I have real problems with (psycho)therapy, but I probably really need it. Maybe not.

It has everything to do with my personality. I can't even explain why that is without really confusing everyone (yes it can be even worse ) including myself.

But that's the main reason. What is wrong with me on top of my BP (or the other way round, I don't even know that, which might be important) confuses, overwhelms and irritates me. I get oppositional and afterwards I regret it. Last time it took years, though (edit: actually last time was recently but a first meeting didn't end well I was also slightly manic, got more manic and I didn't follow through). I stopped taking meds because of it. I can't really explain why, but it was all too much, overwhelming.

Actually, like with psychosis, I think that that I can't stand therapy or that I might think I don't need it, is a testament to the need for it. If that makes sense.

So I want to try therapy again (I never really tried it, as in treatment), but as I mentioned, it's problematic.

It may not be very clear, but I very much hope someone can relate and tell me what they did to solve this conundrum.



Anyone else having, better yet, having had, "*** all this treatment ****, psychiatry, all of it" theropophobia?

Edit:
Maybe I just shouldn't go. Please convince me that I should if you think it may help, having experienced something similar.

make yourself a "very SHORT" list of what you hope to get from therapy .... give it to a T and listen .... if you really want it to work it will .... if you don't it won't ... till you decide don't waste your money .... best wishes ..Tigger ..

I can't consentrate right now so I hope to get this right. I get "**** this treatment ****" all the time. My T's were great at reminding me why I was there. They helped deal with simptoms and keep track of my moods. I think therapy is worth a shot.

While meds worked for the crisis points, the big changes and improvements for me came through my work in therapy.

From the way you present yourself here though, I suspect you spend a great deal of your time intellectualizing about the world and bipolar in general whereas in therapy you have to be able to get to the underlying emotions and deeper thinking about what is going on within you. That could be an obstacle in your therapy. You appear at times to use your hypothetical questions and analytical reasoning as a way of distancing yourself from your emotions and from getting too personal -- at least it comes off that way. Will you be able to let that go and really get real and personal and inwardly thoughtful with a therapist?

I probably do intellectualise as a defence mechanism, I know, but not (just) in the typical sense, if at all. It's more of a natural thing. So not really. I also don't care much about rationality, but I need it. It's all too abstract. It's more like rationalising. That, together with a firm belief that I don't matter. More psychoticism than intellectualising.

That I don't believe I matter is important. It's mostly been more or less mania or depression from a young age. Continuous. Delusions, disorganisation.

I'd love to be able to say that I am protecting myself by intellectualisation, but honestly, it isn't really. I can be very open. It's not that, really.

I'm just afraid that a therapist intellectualises. More so than I would. I'm very much afraid of textbook answers.