Difficult times...

Please bear with me now. I have been dealing with some difficult stuff in my life along with a couple sucker punches. I have been taking care of my mother with dementia who can become violent. Although uncommon, she also forgets who I am. Getting help is difficult and unreliable. I find that I cannot trust caregivers and their companies to do what is right for their customer.

Just the other day, I had respite care arranged and a small weekend vacation planned. The caregiver signed up for it, but later had her boss contact me that she will be late coming in on her start day since she has another client. Given previous problems with her, and my neighbor only being there, I was reluctant to comply. Then I was told that if I did not let this happen, the respite caregiver would not show up at all for my vacation. My vacation begins on Saturday. Her way or the highway sort of attitude. But I am the customer. They also told me that it was no big deal if my mother was left alone for a short period of time. Amazing. So I told them that I will be looking for another company to do business with. I am already very stressed out, and then this happened. My lifeline became unpredictable. So we shall see.

Next my daughter has flunked several courses in high school. So recently I have been transferring her to another less difficult school. She has to take summer courses to make up her work. I found out that they no longer have teachers that teach those classes. They go in each day to separately watch videos and take tests. How is she going to be supported with her efforts in class when the class is held in this way? My daughter convinced me to let her take online courses instead for her summer. It is the same thing but done at home. I do not think she has the discapline to put in five hours a day. I am signing her up for it. Now she also wants a summer job. I told her this is not possible, for I am counting on her to take her summer studies seriously. She will have enough to do anyways with this and helping me with my mother. So we shall see.

Sorry to unload. I just felt earlier today that I was going to lose my mind. That is not happening now, but I still am just hanging on. I am thinking of leaving a day early and have my daughter stay on for help, instead of going to her mother. We have shared custody, and her mother has ignored her in the past. I do most of the raising of her. So we shall see.

Oh yes, only very recently my meds seem to be working. Lucky me!

Tucson

That is so much to go through. I worked in home health and know how frustrating it can be.

There is a company called Amedisys that provides home care and is an excellent company. The best I ever worked for and my main reason for saying this is that they put patients first, no matter what. I think the level of respite type servics they supply varies but they are a national company so you may be able to find it in your area.

I worked for many companies and that is the only one I'd give a recommendation for. (I do not work for them now and am not trying to advertise). There were a lot of times that people who'd had home services through another agency were shocked when they saw what we did compared to the other companies.

Do you have an adult daycare that you could use for respite during the day? The one I'm familiar with picks people up and drops them off at the end of the day. People really enjoy it and it helps families a lot.

I hope venting helped and that things start to work more positively for you.

I work for an agency that pays respite providers for care like you're needing. Many of the families we serve have a family member or close friend become their respite provider. I don't know all the hoops that they need to go through, but they can be paid for the respite care and you can work with someone who is more likely to be responsive to your needs and with whom flexibility and reliability can be achieved. You can also feel good knowing that the person you're leaving them with is personally invested in your mother and her care.

I don't know if you have anyone that could fit this bill, but it might be worth a try if you can think of someone.

You have more in your plate with your mom than most people could possibly understand or survive through. You seem very grounded and level headed but Im sure it's all taking a large toll. I wish I had helpful advise to offer but all I have is my sympathies. Please take care of yourself. I hope this time away will be just what you need and you get some much deserved YOU TIME. (((Hugs)))

Thank you very much, everyone! I am now on my vacation in a hotel room laying down and pondering what I am about to eat today. Nice!

Bob