Why do I have to be this way? (Trigger)

Well after going through a crazy mixed episode and almost ruining my life I had finally found a medicine to make me better again. My doc put me on 150mg seroquel and I had 50mg tomapax for my headaches and that also helped with sleep. Well a few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant so I had to stop taking the meds. Now I'm a mess all over again. My husband just stays mad or annoyed with me because of the mood change and he doesn't get it. I'm so excited for this baby but my head is all messed up. Everything is just falling to shi* again. I hate being irritable and upset at everything and everyone and not caring about anything and over caring and being annoyed by every little thing and all the stupid thoughts in my head. Why can't I be normal. My head is always going. Reading is the only thing that shuts it up but my husband gets mad because it's all I do ignoring everything else in my life because I can't stand the way being in my own head makes me feel. I just feel so helpless now. I have a doc appointment tomorrow and I don't even see the point if I now have to wait a freaking year to be sane again. I just don't know how I'm going to do this and no one understands or gets what Im going through. My husband acts like his life is so freaking miserable, if only he was in my head. It's a fight every day to be here or want to get out of bed. I know things aren't easy for him with me like this either but he doesn't make it better for me either. I just needed to rant to someone so if you read this thank you.

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I'm so sorry for all you are going through. This sounds like a tough time and pregnancy hormones can do so many things. Please keep up with your doctors appointments. Please take care of you and baby. ((Hugs))). Congratulations on the baby.

There are meds that are safe-ish for you and the baby. have you thought of partial hospitalization program (php) or Intensive out patient program (IOP)?

If you can find a psychiarist that is aware of Pregnancy and Bipolar meds and will work with your OB to use drugs that are safe for pregnancy please do so . its very important.

Maybe your husband needs to come with you for a Pdoc and OB visit so he can hear from doctors that the way your feeling is common with bipolar and adding pregnancy hormones to the mix??? well good grief.... A reality check for him might be a huge help for you both.

There are numerous people around PC that have gotten pregnant and managed there Bipolar while bringing a wonderful baby into the world

During pregnancy I had to take extensive meds (several of them) and that was with a pdoc who specialized in fertility and pregnancy. I never thought she over medicated me. Her philosophy was I had to be alive and be able to function while pregnant. I know my situation is one of many but I was fine during my pregnancy. I did have to give up breast feeding due to my meds and I actually had to grieve that as I breast fed my other 2 children for a year or more. In the end it was okay, and I now have a happy, healthy 2 1/2 year old.

After my 3rd baby, I had my tubes tied at the suggestion of my pdoc and my husband who agreed with him. Looking back especially, I feel like I was bullied into it. Now my husband is leaving and if I ever do remarry, I won't be able to conceive (not that I would, I am just resentful that it is no longer my decision).

As far as your husband goes, I completely understand. My husband was sympathetic until he wasn't and when he wasn't, he turned into an asshole (and that's being nice). I agree that you should take your husband if you are able because he may learn somethings and be more understanding.

Yeah. There are some safer meds you could try. Do you mostly feel depressed? I got really depressed when I found out I was pregnant, and I had to cold turkey off of 2mg of alprazolam, which of course made my anxiety worse, so I was put on 25mg of zoloft.

It made me feel a lot better, and I had a fantastic pregnancy (other than puking once a day for nine months. No exageration!).

However, my daughter is physically very healthy, but she has language delays (she'll be five in october), and I always wonder if it's because of the sertraline, or if she would have had them anyway. Just a warning.

I hope you feel better. Hugs.