[Wander]

On Monday I was admitted IP for BP and PTSD. Since then I have spiralled further and they gave me an injection (Accuphase) to calm me down. It didn't, it only made me more agitated leading me into two days off hell before it washed out of my system. Now I am deeply depressed and on suicide watch. The agitation is still bad and I am also irritable, inpatient and anxious. SI has been prominent and they have been seriously considering locking me up for my own safely. Today my doctor, nurse manager and nurse jumped a meeting on me about how to manage my safety and how upset the nurses are worrying about me as I am at risk. I felt ambushed and it freaked me out. I now feel scared to say how I really am as I don't want to upset people or get myself locked up. Problem is, if I am in danger I will be at greater risk.

Sorry for the rant. I am just so upset, low and agitated, My doctor said he has never seen me this low which is a worry. I need help but now I am scared to ask.

[hopeless2015]

HUGS

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[violetgreen]

Could any of your medicines or treatments in combination be making your situation worse? Are you able to rest awhile? Is anything or anyone able to bring you some comfort? The intensity of what you're experiencing seems so overwhelming, and there must be some inner strength that is supporting you here. Was there a last time you felt so rough? What helped? I don't have any experience being in hospital, trying to get better. But, in my recoveries, being deliberate with my thoughts and routines helped over time. That old, one day, or hour, or moment at a time. Wander, I'm thinking about you and praying for you, because it's important to us that you get well.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

Could any of your medicines or treatments in combination be making your situation worse? Are you able to rest awhile? Is anything or anyone able to bring you some comfort? The intensity of what you're experiencing seems so overwhelming, and there must be some inner strength that is supporting you here. Was there a last time you felt so rough? What helped? I don't have any experience being in hospital, trying to get better. But, in my recoveries, being deliberate with my thoughts and routines helped over time. That old, one day, or hour, or moment at a time. Wander, I'm thinking about you and praying for you, because it's important to us that you get well.

Thanks for your reply. The AP injection may have made things worse but I was pretty bad before that. My Mum comes in daily to keep me company which really helps a lot, and I have had two other visitors as well. I have felt rough before but only time helped rather than any particular treatment most of the time. Right now I feel I am running out of time. That I can only stand this for so long before I implode. I am trying to survive minute to minute and hopefully that will help me get through this mixed episode. I have lost all hope but something keeps me hanging on. My family I think. I love them dearly.

[Rjaye]

Time. That does seem to help me.

What will happen if you just word vomited to a nurse or a possibly trustworthy therapist? What if you voiced your fears of what would happen if you really said how you felt? What if you made a promise not to do anything rash if they just listened to you and let you ask every question about your meds and treatment? And let you do it again and again?

I don't think your doc and the other staff ambushed you, even though it felt that way. It was probably the only time they could get together to talk to you. Maybe you could ask them to let you know in advance when these sorts of meetings are going to take place so you can brace yourself because of your anxiety.

I am just throwing suggestions out because when I was in the hospital the last time, I was pretty bad, too. I gave up, and went catatonic. In one way it was good, because I didn't si, and it was good in another way because I wasn't thinking too hard and just listened. I was able to do some writing, too.

Maybe you could write your concerns?

I am sending good wishes and hugs your way. It's tough.