[Gabyunbound]

Recently I've been tempted to stop one of my AP's (at least) because I miss hypomania so much and it's been 2 years since I've experienced it.

So a friend of mine told me that what I need to do is mourn the loss of those experiences and also how I was before so much medication (now with poor memory and fatigue).

Does anyone else think of this in terms of 'mourning a loss?' Do you find it helpful and therapeutic to think of it this way? Does it (or would it) help you to move on and stay on your meds?

ETA: Sorry guys, I was checking out this forum and posted on the wrong one -again, sorry!!

[Anrea]

I specifically use the term"mourning the loss". I use it in this way: "I mourn the lost years". The years I am speaking of are from 18 (and even before - since age 9 actually) to age 43. I mourn the lost years when I ignored my mental illness. Ignoring how it was effecting my life, and how the bad choices created disorders. I mourn the life that could have been. I mourn the missed opportunities.

The accumulation of mistakes brought on by BP mania, and BPD obsessions and delusions from both. All the bad mistakes. What life have I now? I am so happy with my husband, and with myself - but I am not who I could have been. Not financially, nor in my relationships with others. Thank goodnesss I was fired from my last job. Thank goodness I broke down at the unemployment office and those ladies said to seek help before I looked for another job. Thank goodness I had the light-bulb moment," I wouldn't have quit this job", which led to really looking at my life and understanding that had I listened to the professionals decades ago, so much pain could have been avoided.

I have both BP and BPD, so I am fine with you posting on this forum.

I miss my mania because I was so active, it kept me skinny.

Accepting that I will never be 18 again, I will never be able to get those years back and I have to start where I am isn't easy. I do want my years back, and resentment glows like coals in me when I think about my first husband who wouldn't let me get treatment when I was really bad off. If I look at just how my life is right now though - I must say, I am happy. This husband, my house, my yard. I have contentment. (sure, I want more, a SSDI budget is a poor one) but just day to day living offers me great peace.

[iate]

I have BPD and I'm not sure if what I experience could be called hypomania - I'm just talking about extreme mood highs, when I feel like I'm capable of doing anything, like some kind of god.
I took mood stabilizers for about a year before stopping. And honestly - it was a good time. Everything was more harmonic. Yet - as I didn't have the sudden and deep changes of the mood I was quite happy with the lack of lows. However - it felt like something was missing. After stopping meds - I felt like I was born again - meaning I have finally get back the extreme high feelings. I would say it is like free drugs. Like you'd just apply heroine or something. Felt great to be able to experience that again. And it still does. Except for the fact that I also have my "downs" back and it's becoming more and more difficult to cope with.

[BipolarMama31]

My therapist described this to me in a really good way because i feel exactly the same.
She said i am now in control of the illness, not letting it control me. And ive gone 25 years of living one way and knowing how to react and live in a certain way, and now im learning how to cope with stress, love and relationships with all new skills.
She said the hypo or maina feels great but the consequences are so awful and to stay in check by always remembering the bad that came from being manic in the past.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by BipolarMama31

My therapist described this to me in a really good way because i feel exactly the same.
She said i am now in control of the illness, not letting it control me. And ive gone 25 years of living one way and knowing how to react and live in a certain way, and now im learning how to cope with stress, love and relationships with all new skills.
She said the hypo or maina feels great but the consequences are so awful and to stay in check by always remembering the bad that came from being manic in the past.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

I need to keep reminding myself of the bad, I forget about it like they didn't happen, wishful thinking, amongst other things, I think.

I definitely mourn the loss of my hypomanic life.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'd been missing my hypomania too, and then I had an episode in late February that lasted all the way through March. It felt great at the time, but I started getting into political arguments again and realized that if I wasn't careful I'd end up full-blown manic. THAT is not fun. So I called my psych NP and was told to double my Zyprexa for a couple of nights until it brought me down off the moon. That ended the episode, and I've been stable since. It's better this way.

[raspberrytorte]

Yes. Right now I'm mourning the hypomania. I was just so happy and productive and energetic and loved everything about my life! And I was so confident and actually social. But it turned ugly in the end.

I'm just so sad! I didn't realize how euphoric I truly was until now! Just sucky. I wish it wouldn't have gone sour in the end.

I'm just sad, and now back to my mourful, mildly depressed self.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Recently I've been tempted to stop one of my AP's (at least) because I miss hypomania so much and it's been 2 years since I've experienced it.

So a friend of mine told me that what I need to do is mourn the loss of those experiences and also how I was before so much medication (now with poor memory and fatigue).

Does anyone else think of this in terms of 'mourning a loss?' Do you find it helpful and therapeutic to think of it this way? Does it (or would it) help you to move on and stay on your meds?

ETA: Sorry guys, I was checking out this forum and posted on the wrong one -again, sorry!!

That's a really good way to put it: "mourning the loss" of hypomania., and it is therapeutic to think of it this way. I recently entered the mourning phase of hypomania once again. I was feeling so euphoric for a while: spending money on all these nice trips, living in sort of this "fantasy" world as if it will never end. When reality hits me, it is awful. I think that the mourning phase takes time...usually it happens when I'm falling into a depressive episode, but that's a cue that it's time to look into a possible med adjustment. I miss the euphoric feeling and compare it to a "high" or drug. It's not good for you, yet you crave it any way.

I try to think of the reasons why continuing to be in a hypomanic state would lead to even more consequences then it already did. Keeping this in mind helps me realize that staying grounded in reality and coping with it is much healthier than being in a hypomanic state (that sometimes turns into full-blown mania). That being said, I've been feeling sad, and I'm trying to cope and come to terms with it.