[st0psign]

So finally had this date, we had went to a nice sushi place and had dinner, talked. as much as I didn't want it to come up somehow the fact that I'm bipolar weaseled its way into the conversation. I asked if she knew I had it, she said she did (we've known each other since about age 10 we're 26 now). when dinner was over I asked if she wanted to do something again and she said yes.

Now later in the evening I ventured to the bar and continued to talk to her via text, and kinda spilled about the bipolar, I think I asked her why she agreed to a date and then another with me if she knew I had it. the response I got was that she's not looking for anything serious right now.

and just like that I went from king of the world to back down to the bottom of the barrel. burned myself again (leg this time at least no one can see it), and put my fist into my house's aluminum siding and my computer desk a good number of times.

Question to all the ladies who read this...

Why would you accept a date with someone if you're not looking to date anyone?

I just don't get it I'm so confused.

[nativechic]

It sounds like she likes you but doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now. So wouldn't take it in a bad way and would take it rather that she is accepting of you in spite of your condition.

[Coconutzo]

My partner and I both said we didn't want to date anyone in the beginning.
Now it's been a year and a half.
Keep hanging out and don't stress.
We all say a lot of things in the beginning out of fear.
The best advice I can pass on is Don't budget another person. Accept that they are there because they want to be. Don't question the worth or the reason. Just be there with them.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[pirilin]

Well, for what is worth. I read the date was a dude.

I don't think she's "not looking to date anyone". She likes you.

Maybe she has things going on in her life right now and she can't commit to a serious relationship.

I broke up with a guy once because he wanted a serious relationship and I didn't. I liked him and thought he was cool, but I was busy with school and had other obligations. I wasn't ready for anything serious because I knew I couldn't commit to it. I was just too busy. But, it probably would've evolved into something more serious if he wasn't so pushy about it. I just needed time to get my s*** together first.

So, if you like her and she wants to date you, then I say go for it. Ask her if she has anything going on with her life that's bogging her down.

Hope that helps.

[st0psign]

thanks everyone. and yeah blue she did just move from erie to Pittsburgh within the last month got a new job here, and lived with her parents for 2 weeks, now she just got her own place over the weekend. and her job sounds super intense, like the training period is 3 months, and she just started. so I guess that makes sense.

anywho, my plan is to just ease off a bit give her some space. she did say she wanted to go out again so i'll do that, just don't know when the right time is I don't want to seem pushy. and basically see how things go from there.

Yeah, she sounds super busy.

In general, you can always say something like, "hey, me and my friends are gonna go to the bar. wanna come with?" It lets her meet all your friends if she doesn't know them already. It shows that you wanna let her into your life a little more. Makes her feel more comfortable.

I would say give it a week, though. See if she texts back. If she doesn't text back, I would say something like, "hey i just wanna say I had a lot of fun on our date last week." (Obv you told her this already, but it's just a way to ease into the convo.) Then she'll probably say something like, "yeah, I had a lot of fun too!" Then you can say something like, "cool. let me know if you wanna hang out again sometime soon." That puts the ball in her court without seeming too pushy

[Wild Coyote]

I agree with Blue.

In my experience, women will not date men they truly do not "like" or see as possibly potential mates, maybe somewhere down the road.

I feel dating is very hard on men. I feel women don't always realize how much men have to put themselves out there just to ask for a date. I feel most men continue in a very vulnerable position while continuing the dating, as well.

I have been observing adult friends dating later in life and it's a mess. Lol. It's very hard on the guys, who continue to try very hard to impress and get shot down a lot. Yet, if they didn't try so hard, they'd also be shot down.

In most cases, women call the shots.

Stopsign, I understand your initial reaction. Totally.
I just think there may have been a little misinterpretation and I think our friends here have possibly cleared it up.

In all honesty, I do not think she would take the time if she wasn't somehow interested. Nor would you. No second date if not at all interested.

I think she is keeping all options open.
I see this as a good thing. Has potential.
It may be, in time, you decide she is not the one for you, Stopsign.
By this, I mean, there is no guarantee you will be the one with a broken heart should things not work out in the longer run.
It all takes time, lots of time. It's worth the time.

Relax, breathe, have fun!


P.S. I had no intentions of any serious relationship with my DH. We had a lot of fun together. We ended up falling for one another. We have been married and have been best friends for over 20 years now.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Even not being BP, this can be totally normal! Seriously, us women are all over the place and can be downright confusing. Half the time we don't know what we want! LOL Plus, she's young. I didn't know what I was doing at 26 yo. She probably likes you and just wanted to go out and get to know you better. Period. This of course could lead somewhere or you guys could become good friends. Moving somewhere new also can be lonely and she wanted to hang out with someone. Don't beat yourself up. This is normal no matter if BP is brought up or not. Hugs

[st0psign]

Pittsburgh is her home town

[bizi]

I am worried about you harming yourself.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by st0psign

So finally had this date, we had went to a nice sushi place and had dinner, talked. as much as I didn't want it to come up somehow the fact that I'm bipolar weaseled its way into the conversation. I asked if she knew I had it, she said she did (we've known each other since about age 10 we're 26 now). when dinner was over I asked if she wanted to do something again and she said yes.

Now later in the evening I ventured to the bar and continued to talk to her via text, and kinda spilled about the bipolar, I think I asked her why she agreed to a date and then another with me if she knew I had it. the response I got was that she's not looking for anything serious right now.

and just like that I went from king of the world to back down to the bottom of the barrel. burned myself again (leg this time at least no one can see it), and put my fist into my house's aluminum siding and my computer desk a good number of times.

Question to all the ladies who read this...

Why would you accept a date with someone if you're not looking to date anyone?

I just don't get it I'm so confused.

I understand and empathize with how hard it is when you open up about having Bipolar Disorder, and it leaves you feeling very vulnerable...especially in the dating world. I agree with others here that if she was not interested at all, there would not be a second date. Some space for both of you would be good....not just for her, but for you to be able to avoid investing too much into the person too soon and for you to still be able to focus on your own personal wellness and not lose who you are in the process.

It sounds like she wants to keep things casual before making a commitment, which is not a poor reflection on you in any way. It's likely where she's at in her life right now. There's a lot of advantages to taking things slow and seeing what develops. However, if time goes by and you feel you both aren't on the same page, then that could be a sign it's time to move on to someone who is ready to invest in something more serious, if that's what you are looking for. Take it easy, have fun, and just be yourself!

[Blaire]

For what it's worth, 13 years ago I told this one guy three times that I didn't want to get into a relationship. Now we've been married 11 years. I'd say don't give up just yet.

[~Christina]

My husband and I were just friends for a couple years , we got together often but we both had our own shyt to figure out. Anyway .. Neither of us ever planned to marry again and this month we are celebrating our 12th anniversary.

She still wants to hang out with you and that is a good thing. She trusts you. Just because shes not ready for a relationship right now doesn't mean she never will. Meanwhile don't just pine away waiting for her.. Go out with friends ask some ladies out for a date...

Women have the same amount of issues and having to put themselves out there as men in most every situation when it comes to dating.

She wasn't run off by the big bad Bipolar word.. So good! If nothing ever becomes between the two of you,, I think you will have a great friend.

Originally Posted by st0psign

...when dinner was over I asked if she wanted to do something again and she said yes.

Now later in the evening I ventured to the bar and continued to talk to her via text, and kinda spilled about the bipolar, I think I asked her why she agreed to a date and then another with me if she knew I had it. the response I got was that she's not looking for anything serious right now.
Question to all the ladies who read this...
Why would you accept a date with someone if you're not looking to date anyone?

It sounds like you might have simply attributed a bit more to her response than was intended. She accepted the date and agreed to do it again. That's cool. I don't see where she said she didn't want to date anyone. Right? Dating's not necessarily equivalent to being serious. With all she's got happening right now, it's very likely she said the not serious simply to avoid not being able to hold up her end of that, at least at this time. It's sensible and considerate even.

It's not a bad thing.

Your plan for taking it easy and light and see how it goes is an excellent one.