I'm pissed, but for no particular reason. Just pissed.

I want everyone in my life to leave me alone and stop bothering me. I'm extremely irritable.

I kept waking up last night. I must've woken up like 7 times before I gave up. It's annoying. Now I'm tired and grumpy.

I'm not depressed or anything. Just mad at the world.

Fortunately, I managed to get some work done this morning even though I'm technically taking the day off. I had promised my manager I'd get something done by a certain deadline, and well, since I'm pissed off but productive, I did it and sent it to him. So, that's one positive thing that's happened...

I also went out to the mall earlier and bought random gifts for people. My dad is wearing a white shirt for the funeral because my grandfather only wore white shirts. Never any other color. So, I bought him a short-sleeved, white button-down shirt because he wants it as a tribute. (My dad has some long-sleeved white shirts, but I know they're too hot and he was looking for a short-sleeved one, but didn't have any.) Then I bought him some shaving stuff since he ran out. I also bought tons of candy for the airline flight and bought one of those dumb neck pillows for the plane, although I doubt I'm going to sleep. Some idiot in front of me will probably put on that stupid reading light and aim it at my face like last time. I hate when people do that. I'll probably kick the chair a couple of times and pretend it's an accident because I'll be pissed off. They deserve it anyways.

[MusicLover82]

Hugs!!!! I'm so sorry for your loss.

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[hopeless2015]

Hugs Blue!!

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[pirilin]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Ahh yes. I wake up every day and it's a mental roulette! My family around me approach me like a wild beast because they don't know who they're going to get when I emerge from my room every morning. Im either Marry poppins or a complete monster. And thank you to klonopin for keeping me out of a padded cell lately lol. Hang in there blue, do what I do and take a nap. Stay away from drama and don't check your phone so much. We are delicate in these moods and the littlest things can turn your day upside down. ((Hugs))

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Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Ahh yes. I wake up every day and it's a mental roulette! My family around me approach me like a wild beast because they don't know who they're going to get when I emerge from my room every morning. Im either Marry poppins or a complete monster. And thank you to klonopin for keeping me out of a padded cell lately lol. Hang in there blue, do what I do and take a nap. Stay away from drama and don't check your phone so much. We are delicate in these moods and the littlest things can turn your day upside down. ((Hugs))

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lol. I'm kind of a wild beast too.

Like you, I have a benzo that I take sometimes to calm my ass down!

Naps are good. It sucks though because I can't sleep! When I go to sleep at night, I keep waking up every 2-3 hours!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

lol. I'm kind of a wild beast too.

Like you, I have a benzo that I take sometimes to calm my ass down!

Naps are good. It sucks though because I can't sleep! When I go to sleep at night, I keep waking up every 2-3 hours!

Hi Blue,

It's important to stay on top of your sleep as much as possible. Once sleep becomes increasingly dysregulated, things tend to snowball.

Is there anything which truly helps with sleep?

(((((( Blue ))))))

Also, you are working your way through the stages of grief.
You will likely experience many different feelings.
Be gentle with yourself.


WC

Yeah, I know that snowball effect all too well! Hypo/mania tends to ensue quickly from a lack of sleep...

I can probably take loads of Ativan to knock me out, although I have to be careful not to OD on that stuff. I also have to drive everyone around, so there's that too. Don't wanna fall asleep at the wheel!

No idea if I'm working my way through stages of grief. I don't feel sad and have never felt sad. Though, I suppose anger could be a coping mechanism to avoid sadness? No idea. This is getting too theoretical for me already.

[Wild Coyote]

It's tough to attend to yourself when you are also helping out by driving, etc.
Anything else helpful with sleep?

The five stages of grief:

The 5 Stages of Loss & Grief | Psych Central

(((((( blue ))))))


WC

Thanks for the link. It's super helpful

However, I don't think that 'anger' stage is representative of me. For instance, I've never felt denial and I definitely don't feel guilty for being angry. I've also never resented my grandfather for leaving us or resented the doctors who tried to help him. The anger is directed at no one and seems to have no source.

I think the anger is partially being cranky from waking up every 2-3 hours!

I also can't relate to the bargaining. His health was failing because he never sought help until things got really bad. He also drank like a fish with all that moonshine he bought. So, it's definitely not the doctors' faults.

I feel like I've regressed to what I used to feel like before I started Lamictal. I mean, I was PISSED OFF 100% of the time. I just started Abilify, though.. Apparently it can cause agitation!

[Wild Coyote]

Some meds seem to "cool off" agitation rather quickly.

Seroquel does this for me.

Were you given Abilify recently?

Is it possible to check in with your pdoc?


WC

Yep. Been on it for less than 2 weeks!

I was agitated before, but not this bad. I checked in with my pdoc on Tuesday but decided to ride it out to see if it'd go away.

[GoldenSnitch]

((Hugs)) I hope you're feeling better. Those extremely irritable moods are not fun. Be kind to yourself though, you have a lot going on right now!

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