[annmaria]

I can't seem to stop myself from thinking about when I should have noticed for myself that I was bipolar. I keep replaying the past in my mind, should I have recognized it myself.

While the diagnosis explains my behaviours I feel my whole life isn't what it should\could have been. I feel I have missed out on something, have no idea what. I can't really explain what the feeling is. I am also having flashbacks of incidents and thinking was I having an episode then and didn't recognized it.

I am still struggling to explain how I am feeling, have I accepted my diagnosis? Not sure if I have, but my mind is going over and over my past. It's making me feel distressed at times. Is this normal as I have only been diagnosed since the start of this year? How long will this go on? How does one move on? I feel I am a bit stuck and angry, upset, disappointed, maybe that I didn't or did recognised that something was amiss all my life.

The overthinking is stressing me, somedays I feel I am ok with the diagnoses. Other days I am feeling f**k this s**t why me?

When does all this stop? and I can start to live my life again.

I am P**sed off today

Thanks in advance

[pirilin]

When you put it aside. besides the diagnostic, what else has changed?.

[annmaria]

Originally Posted by pirilin

When you put it aside. besides the diagnostic, what else has changed?.

We have been through a pretty difficult time, mania, depression, hospitalised.I get what you mean but things are different, or I feel like a different person. A lot of what I am feeling is from my perspective so maybe it's all wrong.

As I said I am unable to describe the feeling I am having.

[~Christina]

For some people its hard to wrap there head around having Bipolar .. I was 43 !!! But it took me all of about 1 mins to say ,,, Oooooooooooooooooooo that explains A LOT !

I honestly didn't struggle with it. I didnt see the reason too. I can't change the past. But ...... I can change the future and how I want to live my life.

Maybe try and step back and just think of the symptoms you have and just focus on treating "them" ad not the scarey " bipolar" ... Because really that is what Bipolar boils down to .. treating symptoms..

Do you have a therapist? If not ... find one asap... often it helps to be able to process it with someone that can help you look at things from different angles.

Be kind to yourself

[pirilin]

Originally Posted by annmaria

We have been through a pretty difficult time, mania, depression, hospitalised.I get what you mean but things are different, or I feel like a different person. A lot of what I am feeling is from my perspective so maybe it's all wrong.

As I said I am unable to describe the feeling I am having.

If all that happened to me after the diagnostic, I'll be lost too.
I would think the diagnosis is a curse that brought those situations.
Only you need to know what came before or after.
However, you have a valid point in thinking you may be wrong from your perspective.
Sometimes, when we are all not there, our vision of ourselves is clouded.
Most of the time we don't match reality. If it exists.

I could have written your post word for word on several occasions. I beat myself up for not getting real help sooner. I go through periods of feeling like I missed out but not even sure on what. I was dianosed 6-7 years ago I think, and after episodes, I still go through periods of this. Sometimes I accept my DX completely and other times I feel something else is going on.

Do yourself a favor and do all you can to get back to living your life. The past is over, but your future awaits. I know it's hard, ...... I haven't figured out how to get back to living like I did before my eyes were opened to the full spectrum of my occasional insanity. But I'm trying.

Make a list of where you'd like to be in 5 years and what needs to be done to achieve it. Goals can be really helpful. learn ways to control your symptoms and don't let them control you. You deserve more than that. (((Hugs)))

[cincidak]

It took me awhile to understand just what my diagnosis meant. The medications they had me on at first were doing nothing to help how I was feeling, and so my mind was clouded. Once I was put on medications that a tally helped me, and started researching my illnesses I began to understand my pat behaviors. I realized there was no way I could have known something was wrong given my circumstances.

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[Spaceyspace]

I think, at least for me, overthinkinking is part of the disorder. I try to do stuff with my hands. I'm no great artist but I like to get creative. Reading, walking. Maybe guided meditation on YouTube would help. Don't bet yourself up. Bipolar is real.

[MusicLover82]

I have bipolar, but I also have OCD. Do you feel like you may be obsessing about the diagnosis? Is it causing you anxiety and worry?

I'm not saying you have OCD, but I am saying you might want to consider that you might be obsessing. If that is the case, I take a supplement for my obsessive thoughts (per my pdoc's orders) that helps SO much! It's called NAC (n-acetyl cysteine). It's an amino acid supplement. I promise I don't sell this, I just buy it on Amazon and it works great.

I can give you more details (brands, dosage) later if you are interested.

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