[mvivas401]

My husband has bipolar and he has had it since he was 17. When we got married I did not know or understand his extreme case. We have been married for 5 years. When we first got married money was great he was a golf caddie and he lost that job due to his illness. I just can't help for feeling selfish. I want him to get out and work and make some money. He has been on SSI for almost 2years we have 3 kids and SSi is not enough. I take his check and pay the mortgage but there is not much left after that. Because of his SSI I can not make more than $1500 monthly. So that puts me working only part time. I feel like the man. He stays home with the kids while I work part time. I need help about feeling better about this situation. Sometimes I get so mad!

[Skeezyks]

Hello mvivas401: I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. I can't imagine trying to provide for 3 kids with what you're living on. Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Rjaye]

Uh, have you considered looking for work that supports the family since you already do anyway? Something that if his SSI gets cut you all are fine? If he's doing a good job staying home with the kids and taking care of the house, maybe that's his job now?

Some people with the disorder can't work a regular job. Maybe you both need to see a family therapist to figure out what kind of roles you both are able to perform in the family.

[Victoria'smom]

It's tough, can you get help from hud, Social services or liheap (heating help)? I live off SSI and raise a child too. Would you feel better if he volunteered? The $ is just not enough. Can any of his hobbies bring in $? How old are your kids? Is he in therapy and going to dr.s? Is he well enough to do vocational rehab? Does he want to go to work? Remember most likely he's trying his best.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by mvivas401

My husband has bipolar and he has had it since he was 17. When we got married I did not know or understand his extreme case. We have been married for 5 years. When we first got married money was great he was a golf caddie and he lost that job due to his illness. I just can't help for feeling selfish. I want him to get out and work and make some money. He has been on SSI for almost 2years we have 3 kids and SSi is not enough. I take his check and pay the mortgage but there is not much left after that. Because of his SSI I can not make more than $1500 monthly. So that puts me working only part time. I feel like the man. He stays home with the kids while I work part time. I need help about feeling better about this situation. Sometimes I get so mad!

Hi and welcome to PC!

I can feel your frustration.

It's tough to raise a family on limited income.
I helped my mother raise 6 children alone, after my dad died.

If your husband already has SSDI for his illness, he most likely has an illness which prevents him from working. Yet, this is something you can explore in couples counseling, as maybe you have not seen the medical paperwork and/or do not fully understand his limitations. It's very important you gain a full and a clear understanding.

It sounds like you may still be grieving over your husband's disability. This is expected and understandable.

Marriages are teamwork. If a partner becomes too ill to work, its incumbent upon the other to continue working to cooperate in meeting the needs of a family unit.

My grandfather had become disabled in a terrible logging accident. My grandmother stepped up and became the full-time breadwinner for a family of five. She just past away at 94 years of age, retired at 62 and had 32 years of a wonderful retirement with plenty of money during the 32 yrs of retirement. She had a marvelous life, all on purpose. She had decided to make the best of everything in life. She was truly a remarkable person and a beautiful, feminine woman. (There was nothing "man-like" or "masculine" in her taking control of her life, offering her personal best to her spouse and her family.)

Many of our limitations are within our thinking, within our belief systems or mindsets.

I agree with our friend, Rjaye. I'm encouraging couples counseling to gain mutual understanding, to work through grief, to sort out roles and strategies for supporting the family unit.

I hope, with some supportive help, you and your husband can find strategies to effectively support the family unit into a harmonious mode where everyone is cooperating, content and fully thriving!


WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Maybe SSI isn't the right solution for your family. Maybe you should get a full-time job paying more and take the reduction in benefits if that would give you more money to work with? I think it's all a balancing act.

[violetgreen]

Tough situation. You said you want him to work, will his health allow that realistically? If so, there is a right to work program for ssi disability and he can work, keep benifits, not loose ssi payments right away. If he couldn't keep working, ssi would resume. Don't be hard on yourself for wanting a better financial situation for your family, that's not being selfish. Hope you can work things out.

[mvivas401]

Originally Posted by Rjaye

Uh, have you considered looking for work that supports the family since you already do anyway? Something that if his SSI gets cut you all are fine? If he's doing a good job staying home with the kids and taking care of the house, maybe that's his job now?

Some people with the disorder can't work a regular job. Maybe you both need to see a family therapist to figure out what kind of roles you both are able to perform in the family.

Thanks. It feels good just to let it out! In m heart I think it it is best for him to be home. Because every job he gets he looses because of his illness. It just takes some getting use to our roles.

[mvivas401]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It's tough, can you get help from hud, Social services or liheap (heating help)? I live off SSI and raise a child too. Would you feel better if he volunteered? The $ is just not enough. Can any of his hobbies bring in $? How old are your kids? Is he in therapy and going to dr.s? Is he well enough to do vocational rehab? Does he want to go to work? Remember most likely he's trying his best.

Thank you for your kind words. We do get liheap assistance but, it only last for a few months. We also get food stamps. We have a 17, 4, 6 months. I don't know if he wants to work. I know that he wants money. I even told him to go sell plasma, lol But, I do think he does his best.

[BipolarMama31]

When my husband got aick with an autoimmune disease i was sad for him, but 100% jealous he got to have more time with the kids.
I constantly pushed him to do more and more around the house. It was unfair of me to do that.

I totally get the instant role reversal, and it was just as hard on me having to be the one with the financial weight on my shoulders as it was for him to accept that he cant phsyically do the work he once did.
Couples therapy helped a lot. And open communication.

I dont have any experience with ssi, so im sorry i cant give imput there.

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