[raspberrytorte]

Bad headache.

Mother being weird about meds again.

I'm supposed to be taking cogentin twice a day, and I wasn't for awhile because I didn't really care, but these past few days I've been getting some mild akathisia, so I want to start taking it again.

End of the world.

I don't know why it was such an issue. It's not an anxiety med. She seems to have problems with those.

This morning she told me to just deal with my anxiety because everyone gets anxiety and they don't take meds for it.

She has my bottle of cogentin hidden somewhere.

Me: I want to start taking my cogentin again. Please take it out for me. I'm prescribed it twice a day. Mother: But do you need it? Me: Well, I'm prescribed it twice a day. Mother: Oh GIVE ME A BREAK. Me: I don't know why you're giving me problems with this! It says on the bottle twice a day! More fighting. Mostly with her being ridiculous. I start walking away before I say something I regret. Father: Yeah GO TO YOUR ROOM. Me, coming back: I don't understand why you guys are being so mean to me about this. Father: You've been acting weird for awhile. It's always about you. Stop just thinking about yourself.

Mother goes and gets the bottle. Takes just one out for me.

Me: You should just leave it out so I don't have to hassle you to get it for me twice a day.

I go outside for a cigarette. Mom hides the bottle.

I come back in.

Father: So what is that for again? Me: It's for the restlessness I get from haldol. Mother (sarcastic): Well, make sure you take that with food. It says to take with food. Mother: Oh, also it says it expired on july 16th. Me: No it didn't. That's when it was filled.

I leave. I go back out a little later to get some water. Note by the sink, written by my mom (angry scrawl): TAKE WITH FOOD. MAY CAUSE BLURRRED VISION. (And yes, blurred was spelled that way.)

I need to get out of here. Seriously. I can't handle five more months of this. I don't have anywhere to go though. I'm worried if she finds out my gabapentin is for my anxiety she'll take that away too.

So, those are the people I have to deal with! Totally unreasonable! I'm so frustrated. I didn't mean to lose my temper, but I was getting so pissed, and every time I tried to explain things, she'd always have some weird response like she didn't understand me, even if I felt I was making myself perfectly clear.

I'm seriously ready to become homeless and live in a park for the next five months.

[Nammu]

Maybe you should take your mom with you to the next doc appointment and ask him/her to explain to your mom?

[bizi]

I am sorry that your mother is being weird....
do you use a pill box? maybe you guys could set that up with twice a day dosing or 3 times a day what ever your schedule is.... they make 4 times a day boxes.
Would that work?
bizi
sorry it is so hard for you there....

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Maybe you should take your mom with you to the next doc appointment and ask him/her to explain to your mom?

What a great idea!!!!!!
You are brilliant!
bizi

[raspberrytorte]

That's what my husband told me to do.

I'm just not sure it'll help! I think it'll just make her more agitated about it. She is anti medication.

I'll try though.

I have my initial evaluation with my new pdoc on monday. I'll schedule a family appointment.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am sorry that your mother is being weird....
do you use a pill box? maybe you guys could set that up with twice a day dosing or 3 times a day what ever your schedule is.... they make 4 times a day boxes.
Would that work?
bizi
sorry it is so hard for you there....

What I got her to do is leave out my as needed meds in the morning, so I don't have to bother her all day and get harassed about needing them. She did that for me. But she was PISSED. Oh my god it was scary. (That's when she told me everyone has to deal with anxiety so I should just deal with it.)

She doesn't have my gabapentin and lamictal. I have those thankfully.

I do have a pill box though. I'll talk to her and maybe we can put my as needed meds in there for the week. She's going to give me problems with that.

I'm just so mad at myself! I put myself in this problematic situation by making stupid, impulsive mistakes during my recent episode.

[bizi]

sorry it is so hard....
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

That's what my husband told me to do.

I'm just not sure it'll help! I think it'll just make her more agitated about it. She is anti medication.

I'll try though.

I have my initial evaluation with my new pdoc on monday. I'll schedule a family appointment.

I am sorry the difficulties continue.

It sounds like your parents have some strong beliefs, some (potential) misunderstandings about meds -- and definitely some misunderstandings about your needs.

I am sure they mean well. Families often have to struggle with the acceptance of illness, just as we do. They are still hoping you don't need meds. This is a major problem! You need your meds!

If you are in the U.S., it may be helpful, in the longer run, for you/your parents to look into the NAMI family education program in your area.

This daily (or hourly) having to debate your need for meds raises your anxiety and is counterproductive to your healing. This situation, as it stands, cannot be good for your self-esteem.

A family meeting is needed as soon as possible. There is potential for everyone coming into agreement once misunderstandings have been cleared up. A third party may be very helpful with reaching an understanding. It's critical an understanding is reached. How else can you heal well in your parents' home?

Much Love and Compassion,
WC

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry the difficulties continue.

It sounds like your parents have some strong beliefs, some (potential) misunderstandings about meds -- and definitely some misunderstandings about your needs.

I am sure they mean well. Families often have to struggle with the acceptance of illness, just as we do. They are still hoping you don't need meds. This is a major problem! You need your meds!

If you are in the U.S., it may be helpful, in the longer run, for you/your parents to look into the NAMI family education program in your area.

This daily (or hourly) having to debate your need for meds raises your anxiety and is counterproductive to your healing. This situation, as it stands, cannot be good for your self-esteem.

A family meeting is needed as soon as possible. There is potential for everyone coming into agreement once misunderstandings have been cleared up. A third party may be very helpful with reaching an understanding. It's critical an understanding is reached. How else can you heal well in your parents' home?

Much Love and Compassion,
WC

I know! Right. I even talked to my husband about this, and he's really pissed about it, and on verge of calling my mom and talking to her.

How am I going to heal in this environment. I wish they weren't being so weird. If meds agitate my mom so much I just want to tell her to give them all to me and let me handle them, but I don't think she'll do that.

My parents are so triggering. And it's so important for me to remain stable or my husband won't take me back because he wants to make sure our daughter is in a safe and stable environment.

My mom is stubborn like me. In our family I'm always wrong and they're always right. No matter what. And I'm always the one being difficult, not them. It's just the way my parents are. I also used to get blamed for everything and they're really nasty towards me when they get drunk.

The NAMI idea is great. I don't know if they'd go though.

[raspberrytorte]

I'm really determined NOT to go into another episode. I want to be completely med compliant! I don't want to end up in prison (aka psych ward). I'm playing by the rules this time. Why is it so weird that I decided to do that?! They're so mean. I don't know why they have to be so mean!

[raspberrytorte]

I don't think they're in denial about me having bipolar though. We had a family meeting in the hospital where a therapist talked to them and explained the situation. My mom got really upset. Kept on asking where I could have got it from, maybe it was my diet (I was still a vegetarian at that time), maybe I just wasn't taking enough vitamins. Eventually I got mad and shouted WHY DOES IT MATTER WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE IT!

(I was still a little manic and raging and agitated.)

Or maybe they could still be in denial.

The other night my dad told me that depression is those who live in the past.

Which I can see in a situational depression, but not in a bp depression.

[Wild Coyote]

I am concerned you and your parents may be stuck in old patterns of relating, which is very likely to be very triggering.

A triggering environment decreases your chances of healing.

You need understanding and stability, too.

It sounds like your parents are just being themselves, their words/behaviors aren't "weird" for them, it's their usual stance?

If so, there's a chance they won't shift much. However, if you have no other option for a place to stay, it's worth seeing if a third party can help. The sooner the better. Truly!



WC

[raspberrytorte]

I know man. I could be wrong, but I can feel an episode coming on. And it's not depression!

[Wild Coyote]

Is there anything at all you can do to ward off an episode?
What helps?
If there's an intervention, don't hesitate!

We are here for you!


WC

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. I'm starting to feel good and I'm not tired and I just had an experience.

[raspberrytorte]

I figured out the problem. Mom and I had a civil conversation this morning. She told me that she's so mad at me for trying to commit suicide, and she's so worried I'm going to overdose again.

I feel like such a selfish asshole. I am determined not to ruin my life further.

She said she's worried about leaving me alone and that her and dad can't even enjoy the summer and go camping because she's worried while they're gone I'll try to kill myself.

Okay, so I am totally selfish person by making everyone so worried about me. I don't feel suicidal at all right now, but if I do start feeling suicidal I'm going to go to the ER right away so I don't do something impulsive and stupid. I'm going to go tell her that.

[Victoria'smom]

She needs to be told that your meds taken properly wont cause an overdose.

[raspberrytorte]

Oh good. I should probably tell her that.

[BipolarMama31]

I can empathize with your parents and the medications, to an extent.
I think keeping control and monitoring of the pills is how they feel you are using them the safe way.
I think they are handling it incorrectly and making the situation worse.
I liked thw suggestion of the pill divider so all pills are accounted for.
But i am very sorry your home is so triggering, i think education and acceptance is a big part of that.

Keep your spirits up

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[Nammu]

Is your mom afraid you might save up the pills and OD again?

[raspberrytorte]

I don't know. I think she was just upset about me trying to sui myself. I promised her I'm not suicidal right now. I assured her. Numerous times. I'm not.

And now she's being okay. I asked for a propranolol (because I'm freaking out right now), and she was okay with it, didn't hassle me or anything, even told me where they were and trusted me to dispense them myself.

Now I just have to make sure I don't do anything impulsive and stupid!!!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad there were no issues.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I can understand her keeping your meds and dispensing them as they should be taken but why isn't she letting you have them when the directions say otherwise? Can your hubby keep your pills instead? I've had to have my bf do this for me before. But when I needed a PRN or something he gave it to me as prescribed and didn't ask questions. As long as I didn't ask for 15 of them lol. I'm sorry your mom isn't letting you have your meds as you need. Maybe your pdoc can talk with her? I know you're in a ****** situation right now and dealing with not getting the meds I need would piss me off.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[OctobersBlackRose]

I'm sorry you're going through this, you shouldn't have to deal with this on top of everything else you're going through. I have no advice to add that hasn't already been said. But I'm sending you positive vibes and hugs.