[Jensitive22]

Did the diagnosis bring relief as you finally had a name and validation for your struggle? Did you resist the diagnosis and chalk it up to a weak mind and a lazy character? Have you struggled with doubts as your experience with BP doesn't seem to match up with the experiences of others?

Have you been able to maintain the life you had before your diagnosis, or has it totally derailed you?

For me, I first experienced relief. It served to explain my overdose to my family. Since then I have struggled with periods of doubt and denial. I became convinced that my medication was making me sick. A year of no meds changed my mind about that!
Before my diagnosis I was a high school teacher. Every day was a struggle with anxiety and depression. After my BP diagnosis I taught for five more years until I completely fell apart and had to give up my job, but that train had been bearing down on me years before my diagnosis.
Now, two years later, I am still unemployed, but back on medication and experiencing the most stability I've had in four years. I hope to get back to work, but not in teaching, that ship has sailed.

I resisted the diagnosis at first, but mostly because I was in denial about my depression. Seriously, I didn't believe I ever got depressed. I justified my feelings by telling myself, "it's normal to feel sad sometimes; everyone feels this way". Then, of course, I hardly noticed my hypo/manic symptoms (*surprise surprise*). I just thought: "oh wow... my ADHD is acting up again." lol.

It actually took a while before my diagnosis really sunk in, but I appreciate the diagnosis a lot -- it hasn't derailed me one bit. In fact, it's helped me learn more about myself.

To be truthful, though, I've had BP symptoms for god knows how long. I developed my own coping mechanisms for the disorder without knowing its name or knowing precisely what was wrong with me. So the diagnosis hasn't really impacted me much... but I'm also 25 and I was officially Dx'ed last September when I was 24.. so my experiences might be a bit different from others' experiences.

[Secretum]

The diagnosis definitely made me feel like less of a freak. It told me that there were other people out there like me, a very nice thing to hear. I was 19 when I was diagnosed.

I have been able to maintain the life quality I had since diagnosis, though it has been difficult. I have never recovered the level of functioning I had before a serious depression I had before my dx.

[Christopher1990]

It didn't bring me relief because I was pretty much a normal kid before my first mania at 13. One night something just clicked in my head and then it was a ride, from there on out. Then I found myself in a bed in some adolescent unit 2 hrs away from home. I had no idea where I was, why I was there and had no idea what was going on. It was pretty traumatizing being in a padded room and straight jacket and being accused of doing drugs when I never even drank at that age.
After that everything changed and it seems like it has gotten worse with age. I've lived with it for about half my life and now I just take the meds and pretend I'm normal. I'm doing okay now, except I have no job, no gf, and live in parents basement.
oh, and I'm on ssdi.

So yeah, it has pretty much derailed me, but most of it was my own doing.
I will remain hopeful and maybe one day ill break the cycle.

[raspberrytorte]

I didn't really think anything of it at first, in all honesty.

I didn't start getting pissed off about it until every, and I mean EVERY, doctor after that started giving me the same diagnosis! I've gotten the same (well, twice was schizoaffective) from now ten different doctors over the years (just added two since last count!). I had trouble believing I had it because my symptoms seem different.

I still think they do, but if I don't have bp now, I have absolutely no idea what the **** is wrong with me. lol!

It has derailed my life. But my back injury and my mother's death did too. But going through that psychosis really has effected me. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 36. I had been told by drs that they thought I had it but I didn't want to deal with all the meds. I wish I would have before it got so bad that the only thing that woke me up was losing touch with reality for an extended amount of time. Idk, I don't like having this disorder. I miss my hypos. Going through that psychosis really messed everything up.

But I'm stable now, just bored. My back causes me more problems than bp does.

My family is happier for me, so that says something.

[OctobersBlackRose]

I was relieved that there was a name for what I was experiencing, and the only way my life changed is that I'm now on meds and in therapy... Though I do into denial mode sometimes because I'm start believing that I was never BP in the first place.

[Victoria'smom]

I cried and cried. Thought it ment I was like my sister. Whom I love but can flip on you any second. I thought I'd be stuck in public housing and never amount to anything. We'll it's mostly true between cp and bp there's no working for me. We have section 8 instead of public housing but I'm content.

I understand that to much stress gives me psycotic symptoms and any job would get me to stressed. I understand that day to day is harder for me than others. I didn't want to accept my symptoms and fought them tooth and nail on giving me an AP. I still fight the massive amounts of meds they want me on. I was born like this, grew up like this, it's all I know, normal /stable feels weird to me.

Well for me life changed drastically before the diagnosis. It came as a result.

Before the diagnosis I was leading the high life. A big manic fueled adventure putting myself in one exciting and perhaps dangerous situation after another - and it cost me a hell of a lot of money to fund the lifestyle. I sent $100,000 inside of 10 months. Coming to an end of that money and presented with the sudden fear of being homeless overnight caused an almost instantaneous crash into anxiety and depression. It was only at this point I was diagnosed.

But since diagnosis I have gained some insight into my illness - and it has been positive. In my case, important relationships have only gotten stronger. Diagnosis has also meant I am NOT living on the street which I was otherwise destined for.

[Unrigged64072835]

I wasn't diagnosed with BP until I was 46. Prior to that I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD. I was ambivalent about my diagnosis. My meltdown in 2011 was due to anxiety, not BP. I'm on disability due to anxiety, not BP. I think BP can aggravate my anxiety at times, but even with the depression stabilized I'm still nervous. I can't do the job I was doing; it requires a security clearance and it's not available anymore. Although I had a clearance with depression I don't think I could get one with BP. I can't do many entry-level jobs because of my anxiety and my bad back. I'm not sure what I would do if I had to go back to work. I just hope I pass the periodic reviews I'm supposed to have.

[Desafinado]

It sucked for a while but the one benefit is that it forced me to focus on my health. Almost 10 years later I feel better than I did before the diagnosis because I was forced to stabilise myself.

[Jensitive22]

Thank you guys, so much, for sharing your experiences and insights. There are so many shades of gray in this disease; I need to STOP looking at it through a black and white filter.

[HALLIEBETH87]

It made me realize I have to do self-care each and every day to make sure I stay well. I never took it as seriously as I have the last few years.

[JustJace2u]

At first I was ok with it, knowing there was always a possibility it could happen based on my personal history with depression and the fact that I have/had family members with the disorder. After it really sunk in I was pretty pissed off. I'm at a point right now where I am trying hard to accept it and take it for what it is so that I can move on with my life and hopefully get back to doing some of the things I used to enjoy.

[manicminer]

When before I generally ignored my surroundings and what my body was telling me or what it meant, I am now a firm believer in and practice mindfulness always

[st0psign]

I was dxed at 14, so its kind of all I've ever known being 26 now. but I didn't take the dx seriously or have a full understanding of it until I was about 25.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was first dxed at 18 and I reeled against it. I had never had euphoria and thus concluded I had never been manic. I did not know about mixed states at the time, which I got frequently. Cue a year of absolute hell culminating in a sui attempt and my first round of ECT. After ECT I got hypomanic but didn't recognize it as such. I also dealt with a lot of trauma from my past that was holding me back so I didn't believe I had BP. I was very functional for six years; finished college, got married, had a baby. I believed I had BPD and that I was cured.

Then when I was 25 I fell into depression. Throughout my six years of relative stability I had had blips of depression but they only lasted for a few days so I never thought anything of it. This one lasted months. I hurt myself for the first time in years. Then I had my first euphoric mania. Then I went I a rapid cycling roller coaster ride for another year, constantly ditching meds, constantly thinking it was all made up or being caused by the meds themselves.

It wasn't until I was off meds for 6 months and experienced psychotic mania all on my own that I finally believed the dx.

I think accepting it has given me much more strength. I'm not constantly fighting against myself. I've grown to see it as a part of me that I cannot change. Now instead of aggravating episodes I do everything in my power to manage them, including accepting med changes. I no longer view myself as a sick person. I just have a chronic illness that sometimes flares, like chronic pain. It just is what it is.

I've been stable for nearly six months, which is the longest I've gone since this whole mess started. And that's with the added trauma of my husband's death. I'm very proud of myself for making it this far and thankful to have found meds that worked. I know now that it could rear its ugly head at any moment but I have the tools to deal with it now.

[xRavenx]

I suspected I was Bipolar before my diagnosis. When I got the help I needed, it was not a surprise, but it gave me so much relief to find medications that work for me. I'm never really free of symptoms, but I can usually see the warning signs before going into episodes. There are times that I can prevent episodes all together when recognizing the symptoms and telling the pdoc so she can make a med change before things get worse.

When I had my first episode, I was so scared and did not know what was happening to me. Reading about it helps me a lot to this day, so being diagnosed as Bipolar did provide relief. It is also helpful to know there are people who understand and have been through similar experiences, so every little bit of support make things easier.