I'm so lost in diagnosis

So I do not know if this is truly my psychosis that is clouding my brain but okay this will be all over the place so have patience please I really don't feel held together so I might ramble a lot.
Let me start from the beginning. I self-diagnosed with DID and depression. Reasons for it was- I didn't remember anything before 2010, I sometimes did things without knowing (like moving something and not remembering moving it) which would happen with days and even weeks, I would know things that I do not know (like how someone should swim when I have never swam before) and other stuff and depression was kind of obvious to me, I would spend days and days in my room isolated, being sad for no reason, and other things for which I am scared that even thinking about them would send me on back to one of my depressive episodes.
And then I went to a psychologist. She did diagnose me with DID but it was never official and anyways she was just too expensive and only worked on "DID" and never saw the psychotic part of me.
Move on to the pdos at the psych ward. I went through some tests I had a long chat with my psychologist, which I would never ever see ever again because she yelled at me for "thinking other people are with me" which why would you ever do this at someone who if left alone (voices counting in the not alone part) will become suicidal to the part of.. well suicide, anyways after I went over everything with this.. for the lack of better words and because she is the definition of the world, with this insane psychologist, I went to now my psychiatrist (they work in a team so I think that Ms Crazy Russian Church lady, aka my past psychologist, knows everything but I do not give a flying... word about that) I have no clue what I was about to write next and I am very lazy to read back so sorry if repeating, but I went to the psychiatrist and she said that the depression part is for sure, 2nd meeting with her I cried for about 5 minutes because my exact words "I'm hearing voices and see things that are not there" she decided to put me on anti-psychotics, for this she needed to write me a diagnosis. So I got Bipolar with psychosis from her. Oh firstly I got Bipolar with current episode depression, sorry, I lied. Last meeting with my psychologist (what a mistake) she looked straight in my eyes and said "You know, I don't think you are Bipolar, we just wrote that so you an get medicine prescribed, but you ain't bipolar" which made me pissed cus what the hell am I then?
So next psychiatrist (just once) my diagnosis changed to Bipolar with manic episode and psychosis.
So okay! I get the psychosis part, I'm taking it with pride I am psychotic, that is for sure. But... Bipolar makes sense to me? Like I would get weeks of depression and then there would be days like this when I'm typing like a maniac, writing stories, exercising and staying up all night cus I have all of this energy and I am all over the place but yet again there is the psychosis part where I am scared to fall asleep.. lost my point again..
My question is am I just playing along? How do I know if I'm "truly" bipolar? Is this just psychosis playing tricks on me? I also wrote the whole thing without looking at my keyboard so yeah.. XD it's 12:00 am and I am not tired at all

Hope you are doing better.... If you don't mind suggestion, think it might be good course of action to get another, professional opinion about your diagnoses. I believe I can understand the need to have something confirmed, to have a name for what I am going through. For me, an official diagnoses took some of the anxiety away - if there wa a word for it, then there was information on it, possible help. I wish the same for you.

mania can be addicting, even the psychosis can be - there is a raw power that descends with the mania, and hearing god like voices can be intoxicating for me.... but the downside is it quickly morphs into something unhealthy and dangerous (for me). I find it best tempered with medications, therapy, and some kind of game plan so I keep my life on track, retain relationships and some of my sanity.

Take care of yourself.

I am thinking of admitting myself to the hospital and I will probably get a second opinion there. My problem is with money. . Pdocs are so expensive

Ah, see you are in another country than mine (in USA)... I made this assumption on another post, I need to realize everyone may not have the same healthcare available to me (may be better or less accommodating). When I had no insurance, the care was expensive for me, as well. The most crippling were the meds - one was over $260 p/mo which, as a student, I could rarely afford. So, I did without for a few years.

Take care; glad you at least have hospital option; wishing the best for you.

If you have the option of being helped by admitting yourself to the hospital, why not do so?


WC

(((((Scar))))), it must be so troublesome knowing something is wrong, but not exactly knowing what. Someone needs to take the time and listen to all the symptoms and give you a proper diagnosis so that you can start a beneficial treatment. Best of luck to you and let us know what happens.

Okay new problem for the hospital, my mam refuses and thinks that I'm okay because I can hide my symptoms easily. Soo I have 2 years in hell before I become 18 when I can admit my arse to the hospital myself.

Is it possible to see a psychiatrist on an outpatient basis?

Do you have crisis service where you could call/go for an appointment if you cannot wait to see a psychiatrist (on an outpatient basis)?

What are your options for obtaining help?


WC

So there are no helplines for what I've research and for what I know,
56 dollars for psychologist that probably will not help
I probably an get another psychiatrist as they are free with a referral from the private doctor
And at last I can always follow the 2 voices that helped me till now sooo basically keep quiet, shut up, hold tight and hope that I wont get another episode for 2 years

I get psychosis during mania and mixed episodes. It makes things VERY confusing to say the least. I understand where you are coming from.

One thing is that I've become more clear-headed taking antipsychotic meds and while I still get psychotic sometimes, I usually recognize symptoms and can call my pdoc to handle it. For me it comes on gradually. So maybe time will help you.

For awhile a therapist thought I had schizoaffective disorder which is where you have psychosis and mood episodes but not at the same time. For me, it was ultimately determined I had bipolar 1 with psychosis. I can see why you are confused being given different diagnoses or just the bipolar diagnosis to get treatment going. Very confusing. Only a psychiatrist can determine what's happening and I think your DID needs treatment, too. I've heard therapy helps. I hope you can get help. Keep us posted.