[RomanJames2014]

The last few weeks have been awful for me. I was sick and that caused me to miss some school and I started to become super stressed out financial and academically.

When I was sick I mixed some meds with some sleeping meds that I don't take because they cause me to sleep eat and I slept walked and woke up on a bench at a Walgreens only to see a couple of cops asking me to come stay the night at the station. Thankfully I explained that I was bipolar and I was able to talk them out of the hospital seeing as how I can't afford that kind of bill and I could miss school and work.

Being stressed from my life turning into a mess, I began once again missing the mania and the bliss that I remember it had brought me. I decided to once again give into my manic addiction and I have decided to not take my medication after a month of really good mental well being.

After a few days the meds were all out of my system and my mind went crazy but not in the good way. This time I have become over filled with anxiety and I am not used to the stomach and nausea problem of fear and worry.

My life is in shambles and it has gotten out of hand.mi am thousands of dollars in debt and I will not be able to register for the next semester of school since I got screwed over by financial aide. I don't know what I will do until January. I feel like adding on work will cause to much stress and though I joke about this time off as a "mental health" vacation I will find my self bored and depressed like the last time I wasn't in school. I feel like I have no purpose and that I should just die for a couple months. The holidays are going to really be tuff this year.

This mania is not the fun one I wanted and I feel like I have just become manically depressed.

Have you guys ever felt this way or hit a roadblock in life where you had no idea what was going to happen next?

I'm so confused, lost, and scared.

Thinking of you xo

I'm sorry you went through that. My pdoc says stress is the killer for bipolar disorder. So that was a huge factor for you, you wanted a break...a fun one. I get you on the mania thing. I've never ditched all my meds but I've had fully blown mania several times. As you know, they are always intense. And this time not much fun for you.

I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Think of it like this. You made it through. Unless you left something out, the manic episode was not a total disaster? That's kind of a "win." I know it's a crummy consolation prize but it sounds like you avoided catastrophes? Like not in jail, not spending all your money, not spontaneously flying to Belize, etc.

What's your med situation now? Hang in there. xo

[RomanJames2014]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

I'm sorry you went through that. My pdoc says stress is the killer for bipolar disorder. So that was a huge factor for you, you wanted a break...a fun one. I get you on the mania thing. I've never ditched all my meds but I've had fully blown mania several times. As you know, they are always intense. And this time not much fun for you.

I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Think of it like this. You made it through. Unless you left something out, the manic episode was not a total disaster? That's kind of a "win." I know it's a crummy consolation prize but it sounds like you avoided catastrophes? Like not in jail, not spending all your money, not spontaneously flying to Belize, etc.

What's your med situation now? Hang in there. xo

Currently I am on 1200mg of Lithium. Two (300mg) Twice daily.
It's simple in comparison to other people on here but all the other stuff wasn't strong enough or it didn't let me live comfortAbly. Y prof asked me "where would you Ike to be" since hypo mania works for me most of the time I try to stay there.

What perfume did you buy? I like girlie stuff =]

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[RomanJames2014]

Miss Dior from Sephora... My every day scent.

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[Lost alex]

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. It sounds terrible and intense.

In regards to your time off from school, I too struggle to keep my mood stable when I have time off (which is crazy because I also have trouble working, but it's a different type of episode to manage). I usually become mixed very quickly when I have time off.

I haven't learnt to master it at all, but I think the most helpful thing would be to try to set yourself some kind of routine that has specific things built in that will make you feel like you have a purpose and stay connected with the "real world". To be honest I have never tried it, but that's how I imagine I would cope best, and having a solid routine is always credited with being excellent for bipolar management anyway.

For me I would be super specific. Eg. I would make a timetable of some sort that has Yoga 7:00-8:30pm Wednesdays, reading Psychology articles 9:00-10:00pm Wednesday's, etc. for me I think it is definitely the feeling of loss of routine that I struggle with. I doubt I would be able to follow such a timetable perfectly, but it would take away a lot of the uncertainty that makes me so anxious every day.

Originally Posted by RomanJames2014

Miss Dior from Sephora... My every day scent.

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Very nice! I wear Angel by Thierry Mugler.

Sephora = dangerous lol

[RomanJames2014]

Thank you all. Im feeling so ashamed from it and I don't know why.

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No shame....it happens.

Maybe this will make you feel better, lol. One time I bought 200 Ed Hardy notebooks at SuperWalmart at 3:00 a.m. Seemed like a fabulous idea at the time.

Here's another gem. When I was residential IP for six months, I was at this swanky place. Really nice. 20k per week after insurance.

I was so manic I seriously was "having a great time" and referred to the facility as an "adult Romper Room."

[RomanJames2014]

Haha thnx my mom is talking about IP me and I wish I could find a swanky place but I have work

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They didn't help me. They took me off some meds to "bring back memories to facilitate daily psychotherapy" with my therapist. I was so manic, my therapist couldn't even do therapy because I was so hyper. They let us stay up all hours of the night. Lots of atypical
IP stuff.

I remember a woman had been there for years.

When I got released, I had my pdoc switch all my meds back to stabilize. So it was interesting but odd. It was mandatory, however. Of course, they couldn't force me if I couldn't afford it. But that was my ticket out of the crisis hospital.