[Incubus]

I seem dont have any support at home. My wife makes me ashamed that i am bi polar. There are times that want get something to help my get my mind off things and she wont let me. I love to play golf and helps me relax. Guess she doesnt get it. Anything i do whether it is playing a game on my tablet, etc. I am just tired of not having at support in my house. The last couple of weeks i have been just pissed at her for everything. No support or anything. I just want to be able to relax my mind and not be racing all the time. seems that every time i want to go to the driving range or the gym, i feel guilty and dont understand why. Guess maybe cause she makes me feel guilty.

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[Wander]

That sounds really tough. You need that down time and support. Maybe you could take her along to a pdoc or T appointment to see if they can help her understand.

[Incubus]

Wish i could wander. I would take her with me to my pdoc or T but she says its just me and my "issues" to work out. she also She cant help me with them and they are my issues and mine only. She can help by being there and not judging me. My family knows but they dont seem want to acknowledge it which is fine but they are there if i need it when i am near them. They live in Florida though. Just that no one seems to support me or allow me down time

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It's tough. My pdoc would say she's not your therapist. Which is harsh, but true. For support at home, what do you need? If it's time for relaxing hobbies then I think you absolutely deserve it and she needs to work with you on being flexible.

On the bipolar mood stuff? Therapist may be your best bet and come here. It may be too heavy for her or she just wants to be your wife, not your therapist. Having a loving, healthy relationship is support. Ask her to come to pdoc appts with you so she can stay in the loop. Be firm and say you need this.

Her educating herself on bipolar disorder is important. Local support groups often welcome the support person to accompany their partner.

It would be good for her to know med changes can be tough. You may be sleepier etc for a bit. That's where pdoc appts can especially help.

Giving her a copy of Surviving Manic Depression by E. Fuller Tolley, M.D. and An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison, PhD are good.

I don't know if this helps. My ex wasn't supportive but he simply couldn't accept the fact I developed bipolar disorder. Hence, he's my ex. If your spouse accepts you unconditionally, I think you can work through this so it is feasible for both of you. A family therapist familiar with bipolar may help facilitating support for you.

I keep editing to add lol

Overall, it is most important, I think, for you not to be judged. She needs to not judge you for "being bipolar." You're more than your illness. You didn't ask for this. Staying healthy as you can is all you can do, I think. A therapist can help you with this issue a lot. Ask your therapist for your "Bill of Rights"...they will have a copy. Read it. Believe it.

I wish I had magic words. I do get support now but I'm ... not with my unsupportive ex. I hope your spouse comes around. She won't "get it" like we do - but a partner CAN be supportive. Just plain being ACCEPTED as we are is critical.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Originally Posted by Incubus

Wish i could wander. I would take her with me to my pdoc or T but she says its just me and my "issues" to work out. she also She cant help me with them and they are my issues and mine only. She can help by being there and not judging me. My family knows but they dont seem want to acknowledge it which is fine but they are there if i need it when i am near them. They live in Florida though. Just that no one seems to support me or allow me down time

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she sounds like most of my family

ugg. people like that

[Incubus]

Pdoc would say the same thing and i know its true. sometimes i do need time to just relax and done my hobbies but with her, i want to get something for it, it's a waste of money.

I have asked to come to the pdoc and therapist app and refuses every time i ask. I dont think she want to be in the loop. She has told me that its only for me and me only. I told her about groups like NAMI and she doesnt want to go . She wont read the books. I dont think she cares about learning being Bi Polar and what i go through. Its hard to find someone who can support me.

She made a comment and she thought it was but to me it wasn't. She said i cant negative cause i takes meds for it. To me it was an insult. I get pissed when ppl make comments about being crazy or they are off their meds. She says its not my place and no one needs to know about your illness.

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I can understand why you are upset, very much so. Denial and not accepting it on her part...she can't hold her head in the sand forever.

I brought my ex to a local bipolar support group meeting once. He seemed underwhelmed. When we left he said he never wanted to go again. Because he has me every day.

He never went to a pdoc appt either, despite my pdoc encouraging it.

I wish things were different for you. I hope they improve. Regardless, you have my understanding and empathy. It's not a substitute but I do care. PM me anytime if you like.

[Unrigged64072835]

Her not letting you spend any money for something that brings you relief is an issue with the relationship, not an issue with your bipolar. I don't know if she would do the same thing if you were well, but it's even more upsetting since you're not. I do hope you can find some sort of resolution.

[Incubus]

The money is not a real issue, just really makes me mad and I go through a swing from mad to upset to completely sad that it bothers why she won't let me do it get it.

I went looking for something and I found a pamphlet from NAMI. Not sure if it was a meeting or just getting info on the group. To me she lied about getting info and/or going to support group meeting. I am always a afraid to go to meeting since the ones near me here in Raleigh are always at night. Not sure if me being worried or what but she will think that I am doing something cause something did happen before I diagnosed and full blown manic at the time. Sucks being BP. Every Xmas and birthday, when asks what I want as a gift I always put not being BP anymore. She drives me crazy sometimes with all the side comments that she thinks is funny. When I am having chest pain, panic attack, her and her mom blame it on acid reflux. Just makes upset she doesn't seem to care and think it's always something else. She fuels the stigma

The support group meeting might be a life preserver for you, truly. Go to a couple even if it's the same location. At mine, there are over 200 members and a meeting only holds 25 people ... so different faces every week.

My therapist was the one who encouraged me and it took me months before I went. Going ten years now. Go try it.

The more your wife tries to control you and minimize you....that will backfire. It makes things worse. I'm kind of pissed at her lol

xo

[Fuzzybear]

[Incubus]

Support seems to be getting worse. Went to give her hug, gave her one, and she couldn't get away fast enough. For me,not sure about anyone else, i need intimacy to help. Knowing i am loved and cared. I dont get it.

Some people won't accept or try to understand what it's like to be BP, and that's sad. If only the naysayers could spend a day in a BP persons mind, then their outlook would change drastically. I hope she changes her tune, and you can find some peace.

[Incubus]

Me too green. Sometimes there is no peace for me. I cant spend time on my hobbies either.