[xRavenx]

Lately, I feel like I can only spend very limited time around others. I'm not as interested in things and relationships any more because of the depression I am experiencing. If my boyfriend had a choice, he'd see me more, but twice a week is more than enough for me, because I just feel drained all of the time. Besides him, in general, I don't feel like doing much. I was asked to go on a trip to Florida. It's not that it doesn't sound nice to me, it's just that the last thing I feel up to doing is traveling and being around people. I'm dragging my feet doing anything lately.

Just today, I was asked to take the train to NYC and stay with people. When I'm not depressed, that sounds like a great idea. Since I am depressed though, it sounds like a terrifying idea. I try to tell people I am tired and not to take it personally, but I am a people pleaser and end up feeling guilty or as if they are just going to stop wanting to be my friend. I want to hold on to the relationships in my life, but I feel I am unable to keep up with the pace of others. I wish people would just understand.

Any tips on how to explain to others that it is not them, it's what's going on with yourself when depressed? How do you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself or deal with the guilt of saying no to things? I feel there's too many demands placed on me and can barely hang on to my job.

[Crazy Hitch]

Ah man this is how my depression manifests itself too And I really don't know that I've got an answer per say, besides honest and open communication with your bf exactly as you've described it here to put it into perspective for him.

[xRavenx]

Thank you. I'm trying to just be upfront. I'm hoping the people in my life don't just ditch me and take it personally......that would hurt a lot. I put myself down a lot, like "Why would anyone want to be around me in this state? Then I feel worthless. The last thing I want to do is drag others down. I would love to be a part of things, but I just can't. I'm mentally not able to at this point in time. I do feel I'm missing out, but know I'm too depressed to enjoy the things that others do right now unless it's little things in small doses.....even that is hard.

[bioChE]

I can fully relate. When I'm in a low-grade depression, I don't feel like doing anything. I can fully function with regards to everyday responsibilities, but anything beyond that sounds like either a massive amount of effort and energy, or just not at all interesting. For me, the solution is usually a med tweak.

[xRavenx]

Thanks. I see a new pdoc Monday. I've had bad luck with past attempts to treat depression. A lot of meds pushed me into mania/mixed mania that were supposed to treat depression, even when treated with an AP and mood stabilizer combined to "protect" the risk of mania. Hopefully they'll find something that works for me that will treat the depression without de-stablizing me further. I do know it's time for them to tweak something though.

[mossanimal]

Well these things are why I sought help a number of years ago for depression for the first time. It made no damn sense why I was depressed... and hard for my wife to understand. But now that she does understand.. and my closest friends understand... well they help me out of it. Or at least they've learned how to not trigger me into .. something unstable and not good. Education of the people around me has absolutely been the best thing.

The hardest part of the depression for me.. is the loss of interest in my passion and means of income.. swordsmithing. When I'm depressed I'm useless in the shop. I'm far more distracted than normal. I only do things that are ... something other than what I need to do. I start treating my customers like crap, ignore emails, not send things out. I check Facebook. I start getting mad at myself and then it goes down hill for sure. The only thing that I can see to avoid this is what I'm doing now. Being treated for BPII.. and hope that the lamictal keeps me out of the black. Right now I'm in the red and enjoying ever damned thing that I do.