[jpb4815]

Do you feel like your personality is gone or diminished due to your use of meds for MI? Recently I had a manic episode that lasted a week and a half and landed me in the hospital.

One of the things I remember most is that during the slow and steady climb from hypo to manic I really felt like my personality was what it used to be. I went about a week without meds before I totally went off the rails into mania. I had several people comment to me that I was more animated and like my old self during that period. Of course once I went manic, they did not maintain the same opinion.

I have to wonder if people are just used to me as a hypomanic persona, because that is where I spent most of my time before I was diagnosed. Or do the Meds really dull me that much.

[dangerousanimals]

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out which parts of "me" are my personality and which parts are pathology. Where I used to live the doctors had convinced me that most of my personality and behaviors were abnormal and representative of hypomanic/manic episodes, but where I am currently they were convinced that the stuff that seemed so weird to the last group of doctors is mostly acceptable. They weren't convinced I was even bipolar until this current episode.
People used to think I was on (recreational) drugs all the time when I was sober...so I don't know what I'm supposed to be like.

Never really knew what the term bipolar meant until I started reading psychology stuff earlier this year. Not diagnosed as bipolar but I do have some of the personality traits (hyperactivity, compulsive thoughts, sleeping 3-5 hours a night, etc.). My attempt made me start paying attention. I noticed that I tend to annoy my husband when I do not take my Gabapentin medication, so that medication must really change my personality. I think I am becoming more tolerant to my current dosage and am a bit more hyper/sleeping less than when I started it. Right now, I'm just monitoring it. There are times in my life that I've used the hyperactivity to accomplish things (working extra hours, getting in shape, etc.) but perhaps I've also missed some opportunities due to alienating people.

[Aardwolf]

I have never had BP, so i can't carry any authority when i say this, however with relation to a good friend of mine who is Dx'd: - When she starts meds, changed meds etc - There was a paradoxically significant yet subtle change in who she was. I'm not entirely sure if her personality was gone, but different none the less.

[wares1ge]

I'm also still trying to figure out which personality traits are me and which are the BP 2. I have noticed that whenever they add or change my meds a bit that there is a change in my behavior. My new psychiatrist wanted to try abilify out on me again, despite elevated symptoms the last time I took it. Now im feeling restless, irritated, and feel like i'm constantly in my head. Unfortunately I believe that being irritated and restless is just part of my natural personality and the meds just bring it out further.

[Row Jimmy]

Nope.......still a smartass.

[piano97]

I have felt totally flat and feeling-less during depression and related med changes. 3mg of risperdal floored me and I felt nothing for months. I"m on 2mg now and I do feel dulled at times but then I get hypo and don't feel dulled. I would give anyting to have my old life back before things fell apart. It does no good to wish that though, it's hanging on to the past. I'm trying to be more in the present lately and focus on what I can do today, not trying to climb a mountain overnight bc I decided after 5 hours of sleep that I'm healed and fine. Cycling f'in sucks. Sometimes I want to totally taper off meds completely and see where I'm at for a few months. It would take a few months to do that. Inside I know I'd get manic and end up in hospital off meds. Maybe someday I can get off them, but it's not anytime soon and I've resigned to that.

[Unrigged64072835]

I haven't felt like myself since I put on Depakote. I'm now trying to get back into things. I didn't feel as bad on Lamictal but it didn't help as much. I don't think my personality has changed much but my moods have been slowly climbing back up.

I once wrote a short story about being challenged to stake my identity (my personality) somewhere along the spectrum between mania and depression; it was published in an ultra-low-budget journal of horror fiction in Massachusetts. I'm glad it was pre-internet because the story got pretty ugly.

Now after 25 years of disease and meds, I either have a compromised personality with no memory of who I had been and what it felt like before I got sick, or the essence of my personality has emerged through the disease and the meds and the trauma, and survived. I've had enough meds so I that I have no idea what happened, nor do I particularly care.

Personality could be a victim of mental illness: one of the best things I've seen written about mental illness is that it "damages identity."

[Row Jimmy]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I haven't felt like myself since I put on Depakote. I'm now trying to get back into things. I didn't feel as bad on Lamictal but it didn't help as much. I don't think my personality has changed much but my moods have been slowly climbing back up.

Depakote sort of slowed me down as well.......made me tired, especially in the middle of the day. Then I changed over to lithium which, for me, has been symptom free if I take it with food. Oddly enough, I liked Depakote because it was the first medicine that seemed to click for me. I started on Valium and that made me whacky. Later, my pdoc took me off Ativan because it is habit-forming. Then I went to Depakote.

[xRavenx]

I feel my personality has faded away (lately) and wonder whether it's the meds or just the illness. When I'm with people, I often find it pointless that I am there with them, because I feel uninteresting to be with. I have a feeling it's mostly the fact I'm in a depressive episode.

The new pdoc and my therapist both commented that I present as very "flat" lately and asked me about that. They are trying to figure out why that is. I'm usually not like that. I do think Seroquel has a numbing effect on me.....especially when I take it late at night, but I still think it's mostly from the depression that I've become this way. I might be placed on Lithium next and hoping it won't further flatten my mood and personality anymore than it already is.

[Bigmike727]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I haven't felt like myself since I put on Depakote. I'm now trying to get back into things. I didn't feel as bad on Lamictal but it didn't help as much. I don't think my personality has changed much but my moods have been slowly climbing back up.

The same thing happened to me on Depakote, mind you I was on a high doasge of 1500mg and it turned me into a complete zombie. Since then, I have switched over to Lamictal, and am actually seeing my doc tomorrow to talk about the right dosage to titrate up too since the Depakote is finished now. My main problem with the Lamictal is just that it makes it very difficult for me to fall asleep, like I will get tired and everything but I just can't drift off, and thats taking in the am. I am not sure if he has me on the XR or not, so I will bring that up with him tomorrow, because it may be releasing too slowly and hence affecting my sleep. Back to personality though, I feel much better, I can actually feel some emotion again, which I couldn't while on Depakote.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I honestly don't even remember who I was its been so long. All I do know is I cannot laugh anymore. I'll giggle, smirk, but it's probably been ten years since I had a gut rolling laugh. Laughing like that is happiness to me. My laugh used to be contagious. Now I'm just...blank.

No. I am a bit blunted,but I am still a biotch.

[JayKite]

They prescribed me Benzos and told me that I'm going to get better. Instead, all the reckless acts that became from taking this medication molded some very bad habits to my personality.

I've realized that I've become careless, reckless and overall more toxic.

This makes me curious though. Is this just a phase or have the benzos tweaked something in my brain? Usually I'm very self aware, but now I have to tip toe around just incase I stomp on someone's foot.