Need To Vent (Trigger Potential)

You know my friends here at PC, sometimes I get really tired of my life. I have thought about ending it several times and even attempted it once. I just wish there was some way I could go back in time and change things. Let me give you a little background on my story. My father and mother divorced when I was 4 years old, since then my father has never had much to do with me, didn't even come to the hospital to see me when I made my suicide attempt. My grandfather was my surrogate father until the age of 11 when he passed away of cancer, and ever since then my life has been gripped by a constant stream of problems and issues. After that I essentially became the man of my own house, started working at 12 years old on every break I had from school, Easter Christmas Summer Mid-term the whole works. I always grew up around a very tough to live with family. My mother, when I was a teen, would always tell me that she owned me and wanted total control over my life, told me I would fail at my aspirations when I wanted to take exams that other students weren't taking, it was total control. Anyways, grew up moved away from my family when I turned 17 to start university, my life became instantly better. Got a good job with a legal firm, started university, going to church etc. Problems arose when I got myself a girlfriend that she didn't agree with. She dug up all kinds of dirt on her, called her a monkey, and it became so stressful that I ended up attempting to end my life, which I regret. That hospitalization caused me to get diagnosed as BP I, I had been to a pdoc before and got a diagnosis of depression/OCD and my regular doctor diagnosed me schizophrenic. Anyways I still haven't gotton over some of the hurt even though ti has been over a year. Fast forward to today I was offered a job on my home island, but it wasn't paying me enough to live on my own, so I moved back in with my family. Big mistake. Now they constantly label me schizophrenic, even though I have been to the bloody hospital and had a clear diagnosis of BP I and they even try to control what churches I go to. They constantly condemn my beliefs and I won't lie I retort back. This is really annoying to me (way past annoying now) as I want to convert over to Roman Catholicism, but they are trying to forbid me from even going to a Mass. For crying out loud I am 20 f***ing years old I can choose my own beliefs. I was dating another girl and they dug up dirt on her and pressured me to just keep it at a friendship. I just wish that this would hurry up and end, have thought about ending it all for good this time, but my Catholic beliefs stop me from doing it. Anybody out there that can relate.

Thank you for your responses,

Bigmike

That's some rough sledding, Bigmike. You are a survivor! Please remember that when you are low, ok? I'm sorry your family has made it so difficult for you. That's pretty seriously controlling!

(I know nothing of the layout or transportation infrastructure of the Bahamas, so apologies if this is out in left field...) Is the cost of living (or housing anyway) cheaper on an island you could commute from? Are there ferries? Buses? If you have a car, is it a necessity? If so, would it be feasible to leave it on one of the islands to have cheaper ferry tickets? Just throwing some thoughts out there, seeing if there's maybe a way to keep your living expenses down to make it possible to move out.

I don't know how things work where you live, but here's my two cents: Take a second job, sell anything of value that you don't absolutely need...anything you can do to get away from your toxic family. You don't have to put up with that garbage if you're not living with them. You don't deserve to be triggered and made to feel that sui is the only way out. Stand up to them and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.